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OK.  So I have a question.  Say that your sd (age 6 at the time) asks for pictures of her&her family here (which includes me, sm)  for her to keep in her room at her moms house.  If she herself was given about 40 pictures to choose from, and chose one of her and her dad, one of dad and sm (me), one of all of us, and one of just her dad, would it be reasonable to say that she wants those pictures there, they should stay there?  Or does BM have the right to throw them away?  (not give them back, but get rid of them).  

 

I'd just like some perspective and opinions.  Thanks! :) 

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:15 PM
Replies (41-50):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:14 PM

It is BM's house, she is free to throw whatever she wants.

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:16 PM
All kids should have the right to have pics of their other family whether the bio-parent likes it or not.
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lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:21 PM

I think that in hindsight (and future reference) I will think about this perspective...however.  The point was, is it really that big of a deal, considering, when you become a parent, you do what you need to do to make sure your child is happy.  If it is not harmful to your child, and in fact, making them happy, why would you put yourself before your 6 year olds feelings?  And also...she asked her father, I was just part of it because we are a family, and my sd and I luckily have a great relationship.  I would also like to add that it is one of those situations where if dh was to ask bm if it was ok, she would say yes because she can't handle awkward sitiuations, and then throw them away anyway..or...say no and freak out.  I honestly didn't know that sd would be in that position in the first place.  One of those 'live and learn' situations i guess... :)

Quoting kgsharber:

 They are in her house, she can toss them. I think it is crossing a line expecting her to put up pictures of her ex-husband & his new wife in her home. I don't know why you would set a kid up for failure like that. WHy not ask the bm first, so the kid doesn't have to deal with that on thier own?


AmyB118
by NA Rocks on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting TigaHotty85:

I had something happen just like that. After me and my DH got married we had some pictures of our wedding with him and I. Along with some christmas pictures of Me dh and SD in them. A couple years ago SD was wanting to look at picture albums so we said ok and went through a "Well this is... where/when" ect for example. SD wanted to take a couple of the pictures home to her BM's house so she'd have pictures of her DAD and of me her STEP MOM. When she took them home BM called right away after finding them in her bag and started Bitching Out DH for even sending them saying it was wrong of him to allow the pictures in her home. We knew BM would be upset at the photo's of our marriage and of christmas time with "US" as a family. But SD wanted to take them home so much so she would have reminders of us so she could "SEE" us when she was with her BM. Lets say it did not go over very well and BM in turn threw them out instead of sending them back with SD on drop off. I do not think it was right for her to throw away our property, but nothing could be done about it. Right or not it happened and BM could do it because it was her house.

Sorry if its not something you wanted to hear. But in my experiance just as yours it happens. Kids should have pictures of other parents or other family members if they want them. But its all up to BM on if they stay because if she's spiteful she will not care that the child would be very upset and sad and not being able to keep them because the BM is to worried about hurting DH/SM by throwing them away to care how it hurts the child. Best thing you could do is let the child have the pictures in their room at your home.

Why would you intentionally do something that you knew would piss BM off and start drama?  That doesn't make sense.  Would it have been that hard to say "Hey, SD, I know you'd like to take those pics home, but it might upset BM, so how about if we just make you a special album for your room here instead"....

You are turning it around to blame BM for tossing them....when you shouldn't have sent them to begin with.  Or at the very least, had DH talk to BM about SD wanting them at BM's house.  Would it have been that hard to say "BM, DD wants some pix of us to take home.  Would it bother you if we sent them or would you rather not have them there..."  And NOT in front of the child.

jessiesluv
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:46 PM

Bm can do what she wants in her house.

packermomof2
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:30 AM

It isn't a big deal if you ask before you assume that mom is okay with her ex and his wife are plasted in her home.  Her kids room is still her house and while a kid has some privacy in the room it isn't just "their's"... and no, it isn't a parents job to make sure their kids are happy all the time.

  A parents emotions didn't go away when they had kids and sometimes a parents feelings will be put over a kids.  I get that an outsider thinks a mom isn't doing what is best for her and her kids situation because it goes against what the outsider thinks should happen, but really?  Moms have feelings and sometimes those will be primary over the kids.

I have pictures of my kids father in my home in a box tucked away.  My daughter found pictures of our wedding at his house in a box outside the garage in the elements.  She wanted them.  She was told no.  From the sounds of it they were just being destroyed by the weather but dang it!!!  That house didn't like the idea of a kid having a picture of her parents together.  I would have allowed it in my house because it is the parents.  I would not allow (and I was never asked) a picture of the SP's and parents to be in either house ... (as in I wouldn't send my husband's and my picture over and I would not allow dads and SMs here).  My picture over htere?  Yes.  HIs picture here?  Yep. 

But at that time I valued the parental relationship over the SP relationship.  And I still would if my ex was involved now.

savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:44 AM
Maybe not to step on toes? But ask the kid or bm if she would give u any pictures of the kid an bm? An put them on a big poster frame..then she could have pictures of u, also pics of mom..an maybe bm would b ok with that..
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mirm99
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:42 AM
No it's not reasonable... Bm is being immature imop.. I don't see why it would bother her.. I wouldn't mind my sd keeping a pic of her mom in her bedroom... It's sweet..

Quoting lovemyfriend:

Ok.  I guess I should rephrase.  You are correct, she has the right to do anything in her own home...I meant...is it reasonable?


Quoting MrsMama030912:

Bm has a right to do whatever she wants in her home. Is it nice or necessary to throw them away? No. But what can you do?


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chanizen
by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 4:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Bm's home. She can say no. She may be upsetting her child. But that is between her and that child. Which is where I would keep that pointed.

"well, sk, I am happy to let you have a picture. Maybe you can ask your mom where you can keep it, first".

Then if bm says no, bm can deal with the child. And if bm gets pissy, I would point our that I thought she should have a little say In the matter as it is her home, so I suggested sk ask.
packermomof2
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:12 AM


Quoting mirm99:

No it's not reasonable... Bm is being immature imop.. I don't see why it would bother her.. I wouldn't mind my sd keeping a pic of her mom in her bedroom... It's sweet..

Maybe mom doesn't think it is reasonable for SM to be sending pics of herself to mom's house.  Since it is mom's house she gets to decide what is reasonable in that (plus most other) departments.  I think it is presumptuous of a SM to send photos of her self to the OP's house without prior approval from the parent and owner of the home.  It's also unreasonable.  It's also not the same as mom sending them for her child.  Dad and mom are the same here... mom may be fine with a picture of dad there, but SM isn't dad so it doesn't matter if she sends her picture. 


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