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12 Steps of Step motherhood?

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:27 PM
  • 18 Replies
1 mom liked this
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/The-things-a-stepmother-should-never-say

Do you ladies think these are correct?
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by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MRLAdy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:40 PM
Not fully. Some don't apply to situations where the parents were never married. And the child doesn't remember them being together. I also just don't agree with some of it.
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USBrit
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:26 PM

I don't agree with #12 when it said "admit it, you're jealous of them". I am in no way "jealous" of my stepkids. Not even sure what that means, parenting and being a spouse are two very separate and different kinds of love. If they mean you get frustrated, or exasperated (not jealous) then I would have agreed

maria1613
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:27 PM
Are you able to make it clicky at all?
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KellyReedy
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:44 PM

ehh yeah!

laughnchica
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:44 PM
I definitely agree that some of it applies to parents that were married for significant period of time. I don't agree with some of them either but I thought it would be nice to see what others think

Quoting MRLAdy:

Not fully. Some don't apply to situations where the parents were never married. And the child doesn't remember them being together. I also just don't agree with some of it.
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laughnchica
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:45 PM
I THINK they are referring to a step parent being jealous of the relationship between a parent and child and feeling left out. That might just be my perception but...

Quoting USBrit:

I don't agree with #12 when it said "admit it, you're jealous of them". I am in no way "jealous" of my stepkids. Not even sure what that means, parenting and being a spouse are two very separate and different kinds of love. If they mean you get frustrated, or exasperated (not jealous) then I would have agreed

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laughnchica
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:46 PM
Not quite sure how

Quoting maria1613:

Are you able to make it clicky at all?
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USBrit
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:50 PM

Maybe, but what adult would actually be jealous? I think that word is out of place when we think of that relationship. Maybe "excluded" or "sad" but not jealous. I never feel jealous, but sometimes the other two because I wasn't there for all of my steps memories growing up years. (adults)

Quoting laughnchica:

I THINK they are referring to a step parent being jealous of the relationship between a parent and child and feeling left out. That might just be my perception but...

Quoting USBrit:

I don't agree with #12 when it said "admit it, you're jealous of them". I am in no way "jealous" of my stepkids. Not even sure what that means, parenting and being a spouse are two very separate and different kinds of love. If they mean you get frustrated, or exasperated (not jealous) then I would have agreed


TigaHotty85
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Have to say sorry first off for this post being so long! But I had to give my opinion on the whole "12 things a SM shouldn't say". After reading at first I had to post for each one as some I belived in but others I did not and gave my opinion why. Hope I dont step on anyones toes (Bms or SMs) on this matter. Its Just IMO! Thanks.

1 - I'd say No. I wouldn't push the issue or even start it by saying "Go ahead call me mom". Depending on how old the children are it is not right. If the child at some point wants to call you mom because you act like a mom to them. More power to the kids! But never push this onto a step child because in reality the child is not your birth child and there for not your child.

2- I would never in my right mind say this! All kids need boundrys and rules and stability. No matter if it is your birth kids or step kids. Thats the problem with kids today. Parents allow kids to do so much because people dont set boundrys or rules letting kids walk all over them. I know cause i've seen it quite often. Including from my SD's BM. I have to reinforce every time SD comes to my home for parenting time as BM has none. So I would not agree that SMs should allow SKids to do anything they wanted to just because they are not their kids. House rules are house rules and children in your home even if they are friends of your kids or Skids should obide by them.

3- I'm sorry but hell 2 the no on this one! lmao. No seriouslly tho.... If Dad or Kids have things needed to do they will do them. I will not do everything for my husband or kids. If they are old enough to do it on their own. They are, simple as that. I do what I need to do as a mom and SM and Wife. But kids do chours and husband takes out the trash and repairs things at home. So no, I will not do it if hubby or kids wont. Everyone has something needed to be done and who does what is their responsibility.

4- I would have to say if a child is sad then maybe you should ask them why. It might not even have anything to do with BF & BM's break up. Could be something having to do with school or another sibling (Yours or Skids half sibling). So seriouslly if a child is looking sad and said child will talk with you, than you should ask. Dont like make the child if the child does not want to, not forcing it. But if you try to ask it might actually help in the long run of the child to actually have someone other than "Mom Or Dad" to talk to about something the child would be scared to say to their parents. So no, I do not agree with this one at all. Sorry.

5- WOW! I really had to quote this one... OMG.

"Your dad and I always..."

Don't allude to the great times you have with their father when they're not around. They already feel left out, and probably imagine the two of you tossing your heads back laughing, spending wads of money, and throwing Ring Ding wrappers on the floor (not to mention the sexual fantasies going on in their fevered little brains). If you want to give them a positive image of a loving couple, just be a loving couple.

Now I do agree that you probably shouldn't talk about all the fun things you did without them while they were with BM. Unless its something like "Yeah, we went fishing out on the boat. Maybe the next time you are here we can make a day of it and go". But other than that I agree it shouldn't be spoken.

But OMG I do not agree on the whole "(not to mention the sexual fantasies going on in their fevered little brains)"! Are you kidding me? Who F'ing thinks up this crap? A child is not going to be sitting there wondering about your sex life with their father! A 2 year old, 4 year old, even a 10 year old, or even 12-13 year old on up what child in their right mind let alone very young kids sit there and ponder what your dad is doing sexually to his new wife? This is sick and should never have been posted on the internet. I am very sorry for my outburst. But this is just so wrong! Even up until my mom passed away 2 years ago when I was 25 did I ever sit there and fantisize about my parents having sex! That is worded wrong and very inapropreate (Spelling sorry)

6- I agree on this one about SM's should not ever bad mouth the SM's in front of the children. It shows bad charactor on your part and will just make the Skids hate you for being "Mean" to their mommy. Should never be done, let alone in front of the kids. No matter if that BM is a complete B***h, ect. Be the bigger person and be there for the kids. Your not there to please BM, you care for the kids. Do what is right by them.

7- Not much comment on this. Traditions are just that. If DH or Skids do something you find weird. Join in! Or go do something else while DH & kids have their time doing what they like to do. I'd never interfear in that as it wouldn't be my place.

8- I do not agree to this one. I dont agree on the wording, but the concept of it. If kids do not have things to occupy their time bad things could happen. Not to mention if you allow children to keep a messy room it allows for a messy adult. If you instill proper hygene and cleanliness the kids will be better adults. Now I do not belive in a so squeeky clean its like a hospital. Things do get messy, it happens! But bugs and mold are not a good thing to have in your home if your Skids dont want to clean their room. Its not healthy! Another thing to note if you have bio kids and step kids as a SM.. If the Skid doesn't have to clean their room or "Daddy" cleans it for them. But yet bio kid does his/her own. They will soon rebel and say well "So'n'so" doesn't do it and daddy does it for them, so why should i have to?" So, Should Skids have a different set of rules while Bio Kids have another? I ... Dont... Think ... so.

9- I agree. If you can't plan a family outing with SKids then plan it for when you can. You shouldn't leave out Skids on family things. Skids are family and need to feel included and loved just as much as your Bio kids. But if talking about family fun you had without Skids you may say something like. "We have had fun doing this, do you think you'd like to come next time?" As in maybe Skid didn't want to go or didn't think they'd have fun OOORRR was doing something with BM and family when BF and his family were doing something as well. It would really depend on the situation on how things should be talked about with Skids and the "Other" familys fun.

10- I dont agree. While yes, Skids might not have manners as maybe BM does not instill or Skids just decide not to because they are rebelling. Either way I would still not tolerate bad manners. Dont yell at Skids and say things like "Well you are being so rude, you should of said thank you!" But say things like "That was not very nice. A thank you would of been appreciated". Or the whole "Please" when asking for something. No kid should demand something or expect it without asking. Please is a good manner to have when there is something you want you will get it more with a please then a "Now" when asking. Manners instilled into kids are a great thing. If kids grow up and get jobs, maybe just maybe they will have to talk to customers that you should respond "Have a nice day", "Please, do you mind repeating that I didn't hear you", "Thank you, you too" ((If someone says to you first have a nice day)). Manners help in jobs and in life all around.I would not force it but I would be consistant in wanting the kids to do/say it Skids or Bio kids.

11- I am really not getting into this one! lmao.... Money is always an issue in this economy! I dont agree to talk about money in front of kids... any kids SCs or BCs as it is not any of their business how much money is brought into the home. As long as kids have a place to sleep, roof over their head, cloths on their back, and food in their tummy. Kids dont need to know how much it cost or how much is left afterwards. Period.

12- I do not agree with this one bit! I agree with one other poster on this one with her point. Sm's are not jealous of their skids. When a SM goes into a relationship with a man who has prior children they know that there will be "Them" time and "Kids time" And maybe a little of "Family time" with everyone involved. But no I am not jealous of Skids or BM's who have had BF's first and the fact that BM had a kid with DH and had DH's first child. Meaning SMs child will not be the first in their DH's life. Know this going into the relationship, get over it, or move on.I say that I got what the BM lost or tossed! Either way I felt that I got the man I was ment to have. No matter if there were prior kids or not. If its father SD time, its their time. Or we plan things together and treat her as if she were my own. Seriouslly, comon now.... Who can honestly be jealous of their step kids??? Sadness if Skids want nothing to do with them or hurt if Skids hate them. But never ever would I say I was jealous of my SD, nope!

lilangilyn
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:19 AM
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