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Court Orders and Compulsory Attendance Laws...

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BM hasn't been active in SS's life for the last year (making little to no effort for visits or even phone calls), when we filed for CS she started pushing for visitations and has now gone a step further and asked the courts to become SS's primary physical residence.

We had court for CS again on the first because she objected to the hearing officer removing part of DH's back child support (he only owes arrears from when he was unemployed and since we've had SS), to which the state then tried to explain to BM again that the money is not owed to her it is owed to the state (she's recieved TANF for all but 6 months of the last 5 years).  Well, the judge was worried about her just grabbing up SS before the custody hearing could set legal custody and taking off with him, completely disrupting his life (judges words not mine) so he put a temporary custody order in place until we can get our next hearing.

BM was granted visitation the first and third weekend of every month and the week of Oct. 1st through Oct. 5 (mainly to save gas money for both parties seeing as we'd have to drive SS back to her town on Thursday of that very week after having to travel the 3.5 hours for court that Monday).  So SS missed and entire week of school, not ideal in the slightest.

The judge told BM that her weekends should start Friday afternoon/evening and last until Sunday afternoon/evening, but somehow her lawyer finagled it to begin in the early afternoon on Thursday... which means SS will be missing 4 days of school a month (God forbid he gets sick).  I don't think it's fair to SS to be required to miss so many days of school, it would be rather upsetting if he needed to be held back because of this.  This month alone he's going to miss 7 days (unless she agrees to taking the last weekend this month instead of the third, which is highly doubtful, [there's no school on the last Thursday and Friday of this month])...

Not to mention there's a compulsory attendance law in the state of New Mexico, which, court order or not, holds DH responsible for the amount of school SS misses (even though that question was specifically brought up during court we were told that there would be no negative effects of SS missing so much school because it was in a court order [which now we know is crap]).  He's allowed by law 5 days per semester to miss school for things like visitation.  If we follow the court order the way it is CPS will be called on us, and the punishments for truancy in NM can go all the way to the parents being put in jail.

The school has already called us to inform us of the repercussions of SS continuing to miss school, and we've called the judge, but apparently, there's nothing we can do until our next court date, which we don't even have yet...

It seems we're stuck between a rock and hard place.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's finally stepping up and trying to be a part of SS's life, I just wish the judge had started the visits in small doses, all things considered.  Like the fact her children were removed from her custody by CPS, or for the reason that she hasn't really seen SS in almost a year, hasn't taken an interest in doctor visits, school, or even ECs... The judge said that because there was no physical abuse [they were taken away for neglect and I believe a case of child endangerment [for SS's half brother], and unproven allegations of mental abuse] The judge specifically asked us "does she slap him around or put cigarettes out on him?" she doesn't so when we answered 'no' he said 'then there is no reason she should not be granted her overnights EOWE' (Thursday isn't a freaking weekend!)...

Sorry for rambling the whole situation is just completely frustrating me and my DH to no end... It's like we're damned if we do, damned if we don't. How is it in SS's best interests to not be allowed to go to school as often as he should (I do understand he needs to spend time with BM, but school is important too)? Friday evenings (like leaving after school lets out) to Sunday evenings would be perfectly acceptable and understandable... Does she even care how missing school is going to affect SS?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:36 AM
Replies (11-20):
Sunshinebee0502
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:23 PM

 Wow I didnt' even realize that could happen... My DS missed 18 days of school last year in kindergarten (He has strep throat 7 times, once had to hospitalized for stomach virus) and it was hell on us just making that okay with the school. I am so sorry this is happening to your family. That is just insane. Education should be one of the top priorites for him and to just  disregard it that way. I agree he should see BM but shouldn't it be mandotory she gets him to school or something?? My ex husband lives 30 minutes away (by his and his wife's choice I still live in the same town as always) and they make sure he gets to school. It has never even been a question for the 3 of us. Good luck to you and your family!

Mommyof5247
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:40 PM
Keep pushing & keep on it. You shouldn't have been put in an impossible position. I would have my attorney do whatever possible to get that changed ASAP. Donkt give up until someone will hear you.

Quoting Tryshx:

SS is 5 and in kindergarten this year.  My mother is going to help me sort things out with the school, she's a teacher for the federal government... the school wants to call and threaten on the phone but they won't give us anything in writing to take to the judge when we're able to go back.

Quoting Mommyof5247:

Wow. That's a crummy situation.

How old is SS?

I could see a judge not worrying about preschool, because that was the situation we had 2 years ago. But K-12, missing that much school? Ridiculous.

I would bring the CO to CPS, truancy office &, of course, the school & ask for advice or help in sorting this out.

I would go so far as to send a copy to the state dept of education & a letter about your circumstances & dilemma. Just so you're covered & show that you're trying to follow all the rules. Good luck.


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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:44 PM

 dude hed get SARB boarded here. wtf is the judge thinking?

cant BM have them friday to monday early like my SO got?

Tryshx
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 7:00 AM
In NM kinder is required and it wasn't stressing me until the school started calling threatening to call CPS. We were reported to the truancy officer today... We got a call from the school and the truancy office today

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

Kindergarten is not required. The national truancy laws don't apply till first grade. Does NM have stricter laws on this? Im doubting it since the judge doesn't see it as a big deal. Chill out lady. You are causing yourself unnecessary stress. Choose to focus on something that makes you happy instead of feeding your worries.




Quoting Tryshx:

SS is 5 years old and in kindergarten. 

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

How old is SS?



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Tryshx
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 7:00 AM
In NM kinder is required and it wasn't stressing me until the school started calling threatening to call CPS. We were reported to the truancy officer today... We got a call from the school and the truancy office today

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

Kindergarten is not required. The national truancy laws don't apply till first grade. Does NM have stricter laws on this? Im doubting it since the judge doesn't see it as a big deal. Chill out lady. You are causing yourself unnecessary stress. Choose to focus on something that makes you happy instead of feeding your worries.




Quoting Tryshx:

SS is 5 years old and in kindergarten. 

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

How old is SS?



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Mommyof5247
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:13 PM
"The courage to change the things I can..."

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..."
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1SpaZZedMom
by Librarian on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:51 PM
1 mom liked this

If BM has SS on Friday's and it is a CO, then BM needs to be held responsible for his absences. The court order stating that BM gets SS on Thursday's needs to be turned in to the school and put into his file. Also, the superintendant of the school system needs to be made aware of the CO. And a letter sent to both the principal and super from your DH stating that due to the CO, it is on BM, not him, as the custodial parent, if SS misses those days of school. It could end up being educational neglect on BM due to the CO's wordings.

I understand that NM has many different laws concerning parenting time/visitation.

Another thing that DH can do is write a letter to the state legislators, district representative of your area, governor, etc, and ask that this part of the state laws be amended to fit circumstances such as this to where the parent who has the child on a specified school day is the one responsible (legally) for the child's attendance to school. 

Tryshx
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:53 PM
You are not the first person to suggest contacting the governor with our dillema. The current governor's politics majorly involve improving public education and decreasing drop out and truancy rates. The assistent principle at SS's school has seemingly made it her personal crusade to keep SS at school or make us pay the consequences (she's called twice now threatening us with CPS and the CO was barely put into effect last week). Having BM be held responsible for his absences while he's in her care is a good idea. We'll talk to a lawyer about putting that in the CO since BM is the one insisting having him miss so much.

Quoting 1SpaZZedMom:

If BM has SS on Friday's and it is a CO, then BM needs to be held responsible for his absences. The court order stating that BM gets SS on Thursday's needs to be turned in to the school and put into his file. Also, the superintendant of the school system needs to be made aware of the CO. And a letter sent to both the principal and super from your DH stating that due to the CO, it is on BM, not him, as the custodial parent, if SS misses those days of school. It could end up being educational neglect on BM due to the CO's wordings.

I understand that NM has many different laws concerning parenting time/visitation.

Another thing that DH can do is write a letter to the state legislators, district representative of your area, governor, etc, and ask that this part of the state laws be amended to fit circumstances such as this to where the parent who has the child on a specified school day is the one responsible (legally) for the child's attendance to school. 

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Emyles
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:23 AM
Wow I dnt understand if the judge thinks she will run off with ss, than why would he grant overnights?! This makes me nervous b/c we have temp custody order court on Tuesday and like ur bm our bm been showed no intrest for over a year.

She just now wants the kids b/c we had her food stamps stopped and child support payments put on hold b/c she hasn't never helped with the 3 skids but receiving all the beneifits like she had them.

I pray our judge sees through her and I will pray for your family as well that the finial custody court will see through ur bm and do what's really right for ss.

Did yall ever file child abandonment since she barely showed interest or did anything for ss in a year?
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Tryshx
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:47 PM
BM is less likely to run off with SS with a CO in place because if does it is now a kidnapping charge (it would be an even higher charge if she crosses state lines with him); without a CO we could have legally done nothing to get SS back and there would be no negative consequences for her because there was no legal custody agreement, whoever had physical custody was considered the custodial parent regardless of the amount of time they had had physical custody... Her current defense about the amount of contact/interest she has had with her child is that we have refused to allow her any contact or visits... That we wouldn't even allow her to call enough. She's more than welcome to call anytime she wishes and it has always been her choice to only talk to SS once a week at the most. But she did call at least once a month and is claiming that we had picked SS up for visitation and refused to give SS back to her. abandonment would be silly, we've always known how to reach her and she didnt refuse visits if offered.

Quoting Emyles:

Wow I dnt understand if the judge thinks she will run off with ss, than why would he grant overnights?! This makes me nervous b/c we have temp custody order court on Tuesday and like ur bm our bm been showed no intrest for over a year.



She just now wants the kids b/c we had her food stamps stopped and child support payments put on hold b/c she hasn't never helped with the 3 skids but receiving all the beneifits like she had them.



I pray our judge sees through her and I will pray for your family as well that the finial custody court will see through ur bm and do what's really right for ss.



Did yall ever file child abandonment since she barely showed interest or did anything for ss in a year?
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