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Husband taken back to court.. 5th time?
Yes, I knew what I was getting in to..but didn't know it would b like this..hubbys ex has filled again on him..how should I b supportive? I'm so tired of the drama..iv done every thing! Y does she want him so unhappy? Y has she lied?
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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:04 PM
Replies (31-40):
MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this

It got better in my situation. DH and BM went to court several times in the beginning. Now we haven't been to court in 2 years and that part has been great!! :-)  Finally DH and BM seem to be finding a parenting groove...

nena8790
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 3:25 PM

 Yup, I totally understand your frustration. We are always having to back to court for one thing or another. Pisses me off, it's like when the hell is she going to leave us alone. She takes us back for child support modifications, for relocation, for visitation modifications, for non payment of child support even though my husbands job is not an all year kinda job. for contempt. for back child support. For possessionof stuff that her and my husband had when they were together. To transfer of court orders...........EVERYTHING!!!!!! I have gotten to your point to where you get so overwhelmed that you give yourself a panic attack. Me and my husband can't have anything under his name because some way or another she will try to take is away. No joint bank accounts, all our cars and the house are under my name. It sucks!!! The best way I can handle it is just to stand by my husband no matter what she tries to do. I think what she really wants is to see he and I fail and she wants every nickle and dime that he has but I will be damned if she is gona bring us down and take what we work really hard for. Don't give her that satisfaction.

Quoting savingtheworld:

It's my husband who is running dry of money. Not her bc she's going thru the state an they are doing it for her? An Idk if he's n contempt..thats what she filed..they just uped the cs last month..on the 5th? He sent her checks but she claims she hasn't received any? So I recent them by money order..I'm sorry im trying but every time I deal with it I shake an can't breath..I mean seriously I do not handle stress at all..


Quoting libelule:

 


Quoting DDDaysh:

Is your husband in contempt? If not, there is nothing to worry about.


True, but it still costs a lot of money if they are retaining a lawyer


 

chasinrainbows
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:46 PM

 Oh wow...no wonder you were so bitter in my post. My fiance's ex has taken him to court 5 times in the past 2 years. Well the 5th time is later this month. They have a couple of hearings this month. Btw, I've taken my ex to court ONCE in 3 1/2 years. BIG DIFFERENCE.

Quoting savingtheworld:

We have been married for 2 yrs..well then it started she had a restraining order on me, then tried to end dads visitations then for more child support then last month for more child support again then insurance..an now she's claiming contempt..I'm exhausted from it..I tried to talk to her but that didn't work, iv backed off the kids..I don't make decisions for them I don't pick them up or drop them off I rarely go to there sports event..I don't get into hubby an her business..but what do I do now? I love my hubby so much..I don't know how to b supportive any more with out it being harder on him?

 

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:47 PM

Same here.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

Been there done that. Its annoying but eventually (at least in our case), she got tired of going to court and in trouble with the judge for coming to court for trivial matters.


Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:59 PM
After 4 years & approximately 15 court hearings, conferences, etc. She still hasn't stopped her games. That only involves 2 for child support.
She played a doozy today & tonight as a matter of fact. Luckily we had many people supporting our side, able to back up what we were saying & what the court order states. DH has custody & BM has never seemed to feel that the court order applies to her. She has been warned numerous times & faces jailtime if she does a few different things again. It doesn't stop her. She's gotten away with too much.
I hope & pray it stops eventually & that she gets tired of playing games, but her family encourages her behavior. I don't predict an end anytime soon.
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liltigersmom
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:13 PM
Op, might be good, to get cs through the state. That way, they'll keep track, of things.
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savingtheworld
by Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:14 PM
Oops my bad..no offense..


Quoting chasinrainbows:

 Oh wow...no wonder you were so bitter in my post. My fiance's ex has taken him to court 5 times in the past 2 years. Well the 5th time is later this month. They have a couple of hearings this month. Btw, I've taken my ex to court ONCE in 3 1/2 years. BIG DIFFERENCE.


Quoting savingtheworld:

We have been married for 2 yrs..well then it started she had a restraining order on me, then tried to end dads visitations then for more child support then last month for more child support again then insurance..an now she's claiming contempt..I'm exhausted from it..I tried to talk to her but that didn't work, iv backed off the kids..I don't make decisions for them I don't pick them up or drop them off I rarely go to there sports event..I don't get into hubby an her business..but what do I do now? I love my hubby so much..I don't know how to b supportive any more with out it being harder on him?

 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
savingtheworld
by Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:16 PM
It just kills me, bc all she has to do is report it, an they investigate! But I posted this in October, when she filled, an they told us it would be 30 days before a hearing, an we haven't heard any thing yet?


Quoting Mommyof5247:

After 4 years & approximately 15 court hearings, conferences, etc. She still hasn't stopped her games. That only involves 2 for child support.

She played a doozy today & tonight as a matter of fact. Luckily we had many people supporting our side, able to back up what we were saying & what the court order states. DH has custody & BM has never seemed to feel that the court order applies to her. She has been warned numerous times & faces jailtime if she does a few different things again. It doesn't stop her. She's gotten away with too much.

I hope & pray it stops eventually & that she gets tired of playing games, but her family encourages her behavior. I don't predict an end anytime soon.

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Mommyof5247
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:33 PM
Were you told there WOULD be a hearing or did they say that if there was a hearing it would take place in 30 days?
BM has made MANY false claims & CPS calls. We were only told about 1 of them by CPS because they were going to investigate until the kids contradicted BM's story while with BM.
They probably decided to dismiss it. You can request copies of any reports made against you but ask under both yours & DH's names. They just black out the names of the reporter.

In our case, the judge put an estoppel on BM preventing her from bringing up previosuly covered accusations. She also is now supposed to work with us & take to the lawyers before filing motions or OFPs. She can't just file them whenever & wherever she wants anymore. She's also restricted from making false or frivolous accusations to law enforcement, cps etc. The only problem for us is that we would need to file contempt motions before she gets fined or jailtime depending on what she pulls.


Quoting savingtheworld:

It just kills me, bc all she has to do is report it, an they investigate! But I posted this in October, when she filled, an they told us it would be 30 days before a hearing, an we haven't heard any thing yet?




Quoting Mommyof5247:

After 4 years & approximately 15 court hearings, conferences, etc. She still hasn't stopped her games. That only involves 2 for child support.


She played a doozy today & tonight as a matter of fact. Luckily we had many people supporting our side, able to back up what we were saying & what the court order states. DH has custody & BM has never seemed to feel that the court order applies to her. She has been warned numerous times & faces jailtime if she does a few different things again. It doesn't stop her. She's gotten away with too much.


I hope & pray it stops eventually & that she gets tired of playing games, but her family encourages her behavior. I don't predict an end anytime soon.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
EnnieN
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 7:48 PM



Quoting savingtheworld:

We have been married for 2 yrs..well then it started she had a restraining order on me, then tried to end dads visitations then for more child support then last month for more child support again then insurance..an now she's claiming contempt..I'm exhausted from it..I tried to talk to her but that didn't work, iv backed off the kids..I don't make decisions for them I don't pick them up or drop them off I rarely go to there sports event..I don't get into hubby an her business..but what do I do now? I love my hubby so much..I don't know how to b supportive any more with out it being harder on him?

The mom of my SDs is mentally ill, and it never stops. If there is something you can do to make it easier on her that helps her to treat you better, then it is worth it.  But in my case, she seems to relate to evertything DH or I do in pretty much the same way--totally unpredictable, mostly rage and fury. 

So my advice is do not cower.  If BM is not in full posession of her faculties, than your judgment is probably better than hers, though flawed.  I do not want to be a mom, and was really hoping mom woudl provide some direction, boundaries, and develop a relationship so that I could include her view in my thinking.  But she just wants to rage, not evaluate. 

So my advice is make your home strong.  Do not "back off" with the kids, do what feels right for the kids and you.  Make your relationships as strong as possible--not by replacing mom, but by not being afraid to create intimacy where it is appropriate for you and them.  Let them know what you can be trusted for, how they can count on you.  Get to know that for yourself. 

And create some protection.  We do not take phonecalls from BM anymore, because all she wants to do is rage, for hours at a time.  And listening to that makes us all feel bad, and be worse at parenting.  It brings her fight to our home. 

We went through a 2.5 year custody battle, and it was exhausting.  She had a free lawyer who she had convinced on some ridiculous set of stories, including the idea that DH's mom, their favorite grandma, abused them...she had called CPS, who dropped the investigation; told the kids T, who found no sign of any trauma and lots of love for grandma...mom kept pushing until the court interviewed the kids, and found that there was not possible way the alleged incidents had happened (the wording was impossibly strong, but it helped our case).  But in the end, it was so hard on the trust between us and the kids, grandma and the kids. 

There were so many points in those 2.5 years that DH and I almost gave up.  It seemed so hard on the kids, on each of us, on our relationship....but it was also good for us.  It made us protect what we love about our lives.  At one point, we were going to quit becasue it was just too many years of too much crazy stuff...constant accusations and rage...and all of this because DH wanted 50/50 that he already had for 3 years to be on paper.  DH almost quit, and I made an apt. to talk to the kids therapist.  She asked questions, mostly listened...."And why would you think that letting them live with mommy would be less stressful for them than this is?  Okay, so if you are saying it would not be less stressful, than are you saying you would like to have less stress, while your children have more stress and fear in their lives?" She also really gave both of us feedback as parents, that she felt we were great parents, that the kids really loved both of us and needed us. 

The day after we finally had a settlement, she took us back to court to change the order.  she has done that twice, but usually blows it on the way to court...last time, she got a DUI the week before court, so the hearing ws more about that than her motion; this time, she chose an independent mediator, and spent 2 hours screaming at DH and the mediator, telling the mediator she always hated her, that she was a terrlible mediator, etc., which resulted in the session being ineffective for her.  So fortunately for us, our BM is a little less competent than yours. 

I am not a mom or a dad, but I am really glad I hung in there.  I still go through times of just being sick of all the drama, and I am sure that it will never end, but at this point we are in a pretty good place.  Most of that, in my opinion, has to do with having great boundaries.  At some point in the litigation, we just decided we were not spending any more money on attorneys, and we were going to be more minimal about it.  Only think about it when we made an appointment.  No responses to her crazy stuff but what was the minimum response needed. 

I guess the summary of my advice is that if BM has psychological issues, you just need to disengage the best you can, and focus on your life being great, being strong enough to weather it.  As an example, at the worst of it, DH and I were in counseling together and separately, and the T prescribed one weekend a month away for me at a spa!  And DH and I scheduled regular vacations together, even if we could only afford camping or a stay-cation.  The point is, give yourself tons of rest, make yourselves happy and place a firewall between yourselves and ex's behavior. 

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