Background- My husband and I have been married almost 2 months but together for 3 1/2 years. I have two bio sons, 7 and 5. My SS is almost 8 and is an only child. His BM has full custody and we get visitation every other weekend and the Monday after a weekend we don't have him. Although, BM is flexible and allows us to pretty much get him when we ask.
Up until about 3 weeks ago things were going well. The kids and I moved in after the wedding. My 2 boys have always shared a room and continue to do so. When my SS visits he also stays in the same room. Up until several months ago my husband allowed his son to sleep with him until I finally got it through to him that he is old enough that he needs to sleep in his own bed when I'm there. (SS sleeps in his own room at his BMs) As I said everything was fine. All of a sudden a couple weeks ago he decided he didn't want to come home for his visit. (Side note: After marriage, husband decided that he was going to make a tree house for his son to be put up at his BMs) Husband was putting up said tree house at BMs and planned on bringing SS home. BM came out and informed him that SS didn't want to hurt his feelings but didn't want to come home with him bc my kids keep him up at night. This is as far from the truth as possible since my kids go to bed at 7:30 or 8 and SS doesn't have a bed time! We had come to the conclusion it is because he isn't getting his way and wants to sleep with his father. Anyway, he didn't come home. The following Monday I went to pick him up from daycare for his visit with us. When I got there he told me he didn't want to go and he just wanted to stay with his mom. So I called everyone and dropped him off with BM. In the mean time, I had asked him if he would come stay with us the next night since his dad missed him and told him that he would get to decide what was for dinner. He agreed. When I picked him up the next day he had the worst attitude towards me all the way home. As soon as we got home, he decided he wanted to his Nana's. (She lives next door to us) He ended up staying the night at her house bc he told his dad he just didn't want to sleep with my boys.
This is causing major problems between my husband and I. I understand that this is an adjustment period and will take some time for him to get used to having us around all the time. However, I don't think that it is ok for BF to let him have his way and stay at Nana's EVERY time he comes to visit. My husband told me he would do anything he needed to in order to see his son. I can appreciate that but I don't think that this is right. I don't know what to do. BF is allowing SS to run the way things are done. SS is complaining about everything and getting his way. I suggested we set up a room specifically for SS and put all his toys in there (he is complaining about my kids playing with his things), but we both know that SS won't stay in the room even if we did. I don't know how to fix things and I don't want this to cause more problems in my marriage.