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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Background-  My husband and I have been married almost 2 months but together for 3 1/2 years.  I have two bio sons, 7 and 5. My SS is almost 8 and is an only child. His BM has full custody and we get visitation every other weekend and the Monday after a weekend we don't have him.  Although, BM is flexible and allows us to pretty much get him when we ask. 

Up until about 3 weeks ago things were going well.  The kids and I moved in after the wedding.  My 2 boys have always shared a room and continue to do so. When my SS visits he also stays in the same room.  Up until several months ago my husband allowed his son to sleep with him until I finally got it through to him that he is old enough that he needs to sleep in his own bed when I'm there. (SS sleeps in his own room at his BMs)  As I said everything was fine.  All of a sudden a couple weeks ago he decided he didn't want to come home for his visit.  (Side note: After marriage, husband decided that he was going to make a tree house for his son to be put up at his BMs)  Husband was putting up said tree house at BMs and planned on bringing SS home.  BM came out and informed him that SS didn't want to hurt his feelings but didn't want to come home with him bc my kids keep him up at night.  This is as far from the truth as possible since my kids go to bed at 7:30 or 8 and SS doesn't have a bed time!  We had come to the conclusion it is because he isn't getting his way and wants to sleep with his father.  Anyway, he didn't come home.  The following Monday I went to pick him up from daycare for his visit with us.  When I got there he told me he didn't want to go and he just wanted to stay with his mom. So I called everyone and dropped him off with BM.  In the mean time, I had asked him if he would come stay with us the next night since his dad missed him and told him that he would get to decide what was for dinner.  He agreed.  When I picked him up the next day he had the worst attitude towards me all the way home.  As soon as we got home, he decided he wanted to his Nana's.  (She lives next door to us)  He ended up staying the night at her house bc he told his dad he just didn't want to sleep with my boys. 

This is causing major problems between my husband and I.  I understand that this is an adjustment period and will take some time for him to get used to having us around all the time.  However, I don't think that it is ok for BF to let him have his way and stay at Nana's EVERY time he comes to visit.  My husband told me he would do anything he needed to in order to see his son.  I can appreciate that but I don't think that this is right.  I don't know what to do.  BF is allowing SS to run the way things are done.  SS is complaining about everything and getting his way.  I suggested we set up a room specifically for SS and put all his toys in there (he is complaining about my kids playing with his things), but we both know that SS won't stay in the room even if we did.  I don't know how to fix things and I don't want this to cause more problems in my marriage. 

ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:44 PM
Replies (11-13):
Raspberry393
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:41 PM
If both houses are adequate, then personally I don't believe children should be given the choice of if they go to a parents house or not.
That said, other than voicing your opinion, there's not much you can do. I agree with the first response.
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lilmomma_02
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:12 AM

Thank you everyone!

ShannaBee
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 3:37 PM


Quoting newstepmom61811:

You are right, a pattern is quickly being set up that SS can dictate to the adults. As for you, right now you will only be seen as evil in the eyes of the SS NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, and not because you are doing anything wrong, it is just because things have changed and he doesn't like it right now. Only DH can fix this and it is his responsibility. He needs to, for a while take over dealing with SS, spend time with him, make him take his visits. During those visits he needs to spend special time with SS. SS feels displaced by you and your boys. He sees his dad spending more time now with boys that aren't his biologically. DH will have to make an effort here but that does NOT include cosleeping at that age...you do need to be a wife and husband in the bedroom and have space of your own. You are right that SS needs space and things of his own to feel he has a place in your home, and he needs time with dad...and your boys need time with mom...

I agree with this.

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