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Have a kind of dilemna

Posted by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:14 AM
  • 11 Replies

As a field trip coordinator for our home school group this year, I help to organize field trips (obviously, lol). I just realized the 1st big one I organized falls on the day the SKs spend with BM for the month. It was the day available for this trip so I had no choice. In the past, I have invited BM along, on occasion offered to pay her way and even paid it the one time she did go because otherwise she was going to cancel her visitation. She has not tried to go on an outing or EC event for the last couple of years though. But the few she went to prior, she expected me to be right there by her and "hang" out with her. As the coordinator, I won't be able to do that because of my responsibilities. The kids do not know about the trip yet. Would you still invite her to bring the kids so maybe they don't miss out? Or not mention anything to the kids and not worry about it? The trip is still a month away so I have plenty of time to figure it out still.

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
brandnewstepmom
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:25 AM
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I would invite her to bring the kids but explain that since you are coordinator you won't be able to hang out. Let her decide and tell the kids if she wants. If she doesn't want to go then that's on her. In that case maybe ask her if the kids can still come along (if she's willing to work with you and make up the day some other time).
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:26 AM
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If you were the coordinator with no skids would you still try and plan around other people?  Do your job, plan the trip and let BM figure out if she is going or not.

rebeccasmly
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:46 AM


Quoting brandnewstepmom:

I would invite her to bring the kids but explain that since you are coordinator you won't be able to hang out. Let her decide and tell the kids if she wants. If she doesn't want to go then that's on her. In that case maybe ask her if the kids can still come along (if she's willing to work with you and make up the day some other time).

She's living with her parents. Under her parents rules, she is not allowed to miss a visit even if that visit gets switched to another day. Very long story and too much drama for my blood. All I will say is, I am so glad I do not have her mom as mine, I can kind of understand why all the kids are messed up one way or the other.

rebeccasmly
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:49 AM

The details of the trip are done. It just dawned on me this morning that the trip lands on her visitation. I would like to include BM so the SKs can be there but I already know her expectations of me. I will not be able to hang out with her during the field trip as I have in the past on the couple she has attended with us. I'm not planning around her or trying to plan around her, just wondering if I should invite her to bring the kids or just not mention the trip to the kids and take my BKs and enjoy the trip and time with our friends.

Quoting WifeyC:

If you were the coordinator with no skids would you still try and plan around other people?  Do your job, plan the trip and let BM figure out if she is going or not.


brandnewstepmom
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:53 AM
Ok, well I would still mention it to her and give her the option. If she wants to go and take the kids, great. But if she doesn't want to go then don't sweat it - it's on her. At least she has the option. But if you don't at least invite her and the kids along, and the kids find out about the trip after the fact, then you will be the bad guy.
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MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:47 PM

I'd invite her and then move on. If she chooses to come (of course you'd probably have to pay for her) then good for the skids, if she doesn't then you still have your duties to do.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:04 PM

 if she and you are civil, extend an invite. i dotn think you need to explain that you cant hang with her, just make it obvious and be busy, but check in with her frequently. if she hovers, delegate something for her to do. either she will do it and you will have help, or she will avoid you after that. haha.

ShannaBee
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:03 PM

I would invite her.

TempestRayne
by Donna on Oct. 11, 2012 at 7:25 AM
Quoting MomGoingCrazy78:

I'd invite her and then move on. If she chooses to come (of course you'd probably have to pay for her) then good for the skids, if she doesn't then you still have your duties to do.


Pero1
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 7:46 AM

Give her a job to do, and label it "helping out".

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