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Living in a pot of lies..Vent!!!

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Its amazing with all that I am going through right now. Facing yet another possible cancer scare that my DH can just go on like it is nothing that he has cheated. Yes I know once a cheater always a cheater. We get along great and we work awesome as a time. But I am so sick of hearing I cant remember. The first time I walked in on him in our garage/mancave. The second time I was 8hrs away recovering from a miscarriage with my mom and all my kids except one. I got full detail from my DSS and the other person involved. To add to the heartache that stunt ended up putting me in the hospital 6months later have a large mass removed from my groin, being told its cancer, then oh never mind it was an STD that got confused my body with the trauma of the miscarriage he cased.

GR!!! Is it so bad that I don't want him knowing I have cancer if I have it??!! Because I can't take another stunt like this. He expects me to live and die knowing that I know his lies, but yet he claims he forgot. YOU DONT FOR GET CHEATING BUTT WIPE!!!!

OK vent over!!!

 

angry

by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 9:43 AM
Replies (11-20):
cailliermommy
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 11:32 AM

It isn't too late for my 3womb babies, but it is for my 3 love babies. My bio children are with my DH

Quoting WifeyC:

Too late for that isn't it?

Quoting cailliermommy:
 And I don't want ANY of my kids coming from a broken home. 


cailliermommy
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 11:33 AM

I would like to say yes I could, but that would be a lame ass lie. He has done it twice and they were both in high stress situations. So I know life isn't a breeze. It will happen again.

Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Quoting cailliermommy:

These two times were the only problems we have had in our relationship. And I don't want ANY of my kids coming from a broken home. 

It's two, that you know of.

there are more than two, trust me.

He doesnt take it seriously, he doesnt think what he did was wrong. He thinks it's no big deal.

He will keep doing it. Can you live with that?


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this
I am not a believer in once a Cheater, always a cheater. I think people can change and be better partners but they have to want to change and they have to want to be better partners and fix what is broken. It starts with acknowledging the affair and it doesn't seem like he is there yet.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 11:44 AM
5 moms liked this


Quoting cailliermommy:

I would like to say yes I could, but that would be a lame ass lie. He has done it twice and they were both in high stress situations. So I know life isn't a breeze. It will happen again.

Quoting whatIknownow:


Quoting cailliermommy:

These two times were the only problems we have had in our relationship. And I don't want ANY of my kids coming from a broken home. 

It's two, that you know of.

there are more than two, trust me.

He doesnt take it seriously, he doesnt think what he did was wrong. He thinks it's no big deal.

He will keep doing it. Can you live with that?


I was married for 11 years to a man who cheated on me over and over. He also had a cavalier attitude. He lied through his teeth.  He believed there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. Over time, I turned a blind eye to it. What was the point of confronting him if all he was going to do was lie? So I stopped confronting him.

I found other hobbies. I rode my horse more, I volunteered in my kids' school, I threw myself into my career. I shut off that part of my life. I told myself it wasn't really necessary to have that kind of marriage. I would just keep the superficial marriage, keep the house and the nice lifestyle, because it was better than being divorced and letting my kids have a broken home.

I was married, but already divorced inside.

At some point I realized, this was the example I was setting for my kids. My daughter would grow up and have this same kind of fake marriage, and my son would learn that this is how you treat your wife. I realized I was making a mockery of marriage by staying. And, I realized I deserved better than this.

You deserve better too.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 11:51 AM
My first marriage while much briefer was very much the same. I denied turned a blind eye avoided made excuses blamed myself but it didn't change anything. I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater however there is a healing and repairing process and it doesn't seem your dh is able to to do that. I hope marriage counseling works for you, but he has to want to make it work too.
I too was very much against breaking up my children's family in the beginning ( the first time he disappeared for a weekend was two months after we were married- started a fight to give him an excuse to go be with her) I woke up and realized that is not the kind of relationship I wanted to model for my kids. Seeing how little respect they have for him today bc of his actions I am glad that I did not stay in the situation.


Quoting whatIknownow:



Quoting cailliermommy:

I would like to say yes I could, but that would be a lame ass lie. He has done it twice and they were both in high stress situations. So I know life isn't a breeze. It will happen again.


Quoting whatIknownow:




Quoting cailliermommy:


These two times were the only problems we have had in our relationship. And I don't want ANY of my kids coming from a broken home. 


It's two, that you know of.


there are more than two, trust me.


He doesnt take it seriously, he doesnt think what he did was wrong. He thinks it's no big deal.


He will keep doing it. Can you live with that?



I was married for 11 years to a man who cheated on me over and over. He also had a cavalier attitude. He lied through his teeth.  He believed there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. Over time, I turned a blind eye to it. What was the point of confronting him if all he was going to do was lie? So I stopped confronting him.

I found other hobbies. I rode my horse more, I volunteered in my kids' school, I threw myself into my career. I shut off that part of my life. I told myself it wasn't really necessary to have that kind of marriage. I would just keep the superficial marriage, keep the house and the nice lifestyle, because it was better than being divorced and letting my kids have a broken home.

I was married, but already divorced inside.

At some point I realized, this was the example I was setting for my kids. My daughter would grow up and have this same kind of fake marriage, and my son would learn that this is how you treat your wife. I realized I was making a mockery of marriage by staying. And, I realized I deserved better than this.

You deserve better too.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TempestRayne
by Donna on Oct. 18, 2012 at 11:52 AM
No offense, the dud gave you an STD. A lot of std's can cause/contribute to miscarriages. He may as well have done something physically abusive to you (I am trying to be delicate) and caused the MC directly and purposefully. If you caught him twice, you can guarantee there are atleast three.times that you don't know of. I al sorry, but your children's home is already broken, and no amount of duct tape (relationship wise) is going to hide that fact from your children. If your DSS knows, then I bet you he told your kids.
YOU are just as much telling your children it is okay to behave this way and be treated this way. How would You feel if this happened to your mom? Or one of your children? The pat answer of "I don't want my children to come from a broken home" only sets you and your children up for mistreatment. What if he had given you HIV? Or Herpes? I only assume it is not one of those because you haven't said it was. A lot of std's are not cureable, and one of them could be next.
cailliermommy
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 12:03 PM

Wow I really never thought of it like that. I don't want any of my daughters in a relationship like mine. I'm going to have to get through my medical hiccup, talk to a therapist, and figure out what I can do to better my children's lives as well as mine.

Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Quoting cailliermommy:

I would like to say yes I could, but that would be a lame ass lie. He has done it twice and they were both in high stress situations. So I know life isn't a breeze. It will happen again.

Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Quoting cailliermommy:

These two times were the only problems we have had in our relationship. And I don't want ANY of my kids coming from a broken home. 

It's two, that you know of.

there are more than two, trust me.

He doesnt take it seriously, he doesnt think what he did was wrong. He thinks it's no big deal.

He will keep doing it. Can you live with that?

 

I was married for 11 years to a man who cheated on me over and over. He also had a cavalier attitude. He lied through his teeth.  He believed there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. Over time, I turned a blind eye to it. What was the point of confronting him if all he was going to do was lie? So I stopped confronting him.

I found other hobbies. I rode my horse more, I volunteered in my kids' school, I threw myself into my career. I shut off that part of my life. I told myself it wasn't really necessary to have that kind of marriage. I would just keep the superficial marriage, keep the house and the nice lifestyle, because it was better than being divorced and letting my kids have a broken home.

I was married, but already divorced inside.

At some point I realized, this was the example I was setting for my kids. My daughter would grow up and have this same kind of fake marriage, and my son would learn that this is how you treat your wife. I realized I was making a mockery of marriage by staying. And, I realized I deserved better than this.

You deserve better too.


cailliermommy
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

That is what I am really needing is for him to acknowledge is wrong doing so that I am able to heal.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I am not a believer in once a Cheater, always a cheater. I think people can change and be better partners but they have to want to change and they have to want to be better partners and fix what is broken. It starts with acknowledging the affair and it doesn't seem like he is there yet.


GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 12:07 PM

You guys are not a great team if he cheats on you in high stress situations.  Also, how do you see getting along so great if you don't want to tell him about what you are dealing with now for fear the "high stress" will cause him to cheat again.

Get out!  You deserve so much better.

ms-superwoman
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 12:11 PM

Leave him, you are much better than that!

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