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What would you say to BM if there were no consequences? What would you like her to know that she doesn't and probably won't ever for whatever reason?
Here's your chance. Write BM a letter (I'll post separately for SM letters) tell her whatever you'd like.
Here's mine:
Dear BM,
I know my coming along in SO's life was really hard on you. I'm grateful you've started to move beyond them. Your initial reaction to me was extremely hard as I have never done anything to be treated like that and I really couldn't understand it. I kept trying to figure our what I'd done to you and it took me a long time to figure out it didn't have to do with me. I'm grateful it didn't take you that long to figure it out.
What I can't figure out now is this: You went to great lengths to have your daughter. You clearly love her. I know you have a disease, but why won't you even attempt to get help to save yourself? Your daughter is likely to struggle with the same demons and what she is going to know is her mother didn't even try to fight them. Is that what you really want to teach her? Do you really want her to end up helpless and dependent like you? You are so much stronger than you know- do you really want your mother to do to your daughter what she's done to you? You tell me all the time you don't want to lose your daughter to me- I love her very much but I'm not trying to take her. You are handing her to me and I really don't understand it one bit.
Also, you don't work. Never have, have no other children. Why can't you spend an hour a week at her school volunteering? That really bugs me a lot because i know you'd never be okay with me doing it either and I won't cross that line.
Going forward, I really hope our relationship continues on this friendlier more cooperative path we're on. I'd like to have that coffee we always talk about. Honestly, I think you make really shitty choices some times, and I also find you to be a kind loving person with a quirky sense of humour. I can work with that.

Now, what would you say?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 8:29 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Platinum Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 10:40 AM

Dear BM,

Your new baby is really cute, but call your older son sometime. He isn't as forgiving as the girls.



by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 10:41 AM
Dear bm,

It is time to grow up. Stop being a friend and be a mother. Stop trying to make your daughter grow up so fast. Let her be a child. Wake up in the morning and actually pay attention to what she wears and whether or not she eats breakfast. Take care of your own almost 3 year old and quit letting a 10 year old be a parent.
Stop telling my Dh what he wants to hear, and doing the opposite behind is back. Stop talking shit about me to SD. Stop talking about and referring to our family. We are not a family. This is not sister wives. Quit trying to be my friend. I don't care to know any details of the 11 months the two of you were together. It was 10 years ago. Move on. Quit telling me ball the reasons u have to call my husband. I don't care as long as it is about your daughter. In fact I would rather you call him. Your voice irritates me. I changed my number and didn't give it to u on purpose. Quit telling your daughter she needs pill to behave; she needs a mom. Quit arguing with the shrink about her needing more medicine. I think his degree qualifies him a little more than your 15 years of waitressing. No I am not knocking waitressing....
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Platinum Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Bah I wouldn't bother. A couple of years ago I might have, but then I discovered the wonderful tranquility of cutting her off.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Ruby Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 10:58 AM
2 moms liked this

Dear Bm-Keep Douche Bag away from SS and SD. He's not their damn father so STOP treating him like he is! DH's their father-he's a great dad. End of story.

Oh, and please get your sd13 on birth control before she ends up a teen mom and plz buy her some REAL clothes-certain body parts on a CHILD shouldn't be shown. esp when she's out in public.

And muzzle that damn thing you call a dog-if he nips at my DD again-I'mma bite his ass!

that is all

by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this

 If this post was 3 months ago, I would have a lot to say.

I can't think of anything right now. I might come back.

by Platinum Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 11:58 AM
I have not one thing I care to say to either BM1 or BM2. I would have to care about them existing to write a letter.

As a BM if I got a letter like the one you wrote OP, you would get a big F U in return. I definitely would not have coffee with you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 1:23 PM

Dear, BM 

   I am not trying to be a mother to your daughter, I would like to be her best friend, however i am put in a position where i have to raise her because you are an extremely incompetent parent. I love your child and take care of her as if she was my own. My life would be easier if i didnt have to take on so much of your responsibilty because you are a drug addict with a mental health problem! get help!! instead of playing with this childs emotions and causing trouble in my relationship. She is fine and happy when you are not around, you come in and out of her life as you please and its extremely difficult on her and I. Because i have to pick up where you leave off so that this child is not permantly damaged...i have to be the consistancy in her life and im overwhelmed!! The good SM are constintly being judged whether we do the right thing or not. we are never right because we have no actual parental rights according to others.

                                                                                                          love, Great Stepmom.

by Silver Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 1:29 PM
3 moms liked this

Dear BM,

Please stop contacting me about the kids. Call their father. Thanks.


Awhile ago I would have a lot to say. I still feel the same as then I'm just over all the little shit. I got a sense of humor, a lifetime supply of jack Daniels and just let shit roll off my back. Dad and mom can make all the mess they want. I'll sit in the corner and watch.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 1:38 PM

wow. am I the only woman in the world who has a good relationship with the Stepkids mother???

by Gold Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 1:42 PM

Hey BM,

Your son is amazing and loves you very much. You are lucky to be his mom. I hope we can get the schedules worked out so you can see him more, he would love that.


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