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My stepmom hates me....

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My stepmom hates me and I really don't know why. On the rare occasions I used to call my father she wold delete my messages. I've only met her a few times (my parents divorced when I was inmiddle school, I'm in my 20's now). 


It wouldn't nomally bother me because I'm not very close to my father (purely due to his own dumb life decisions) but I felt she acted really inappropriately at my grandfather's 80th birthday party. Though they've been together off and on for about five years they aren't married so my grandfather referred to her as my father's special friend (I really don't think he meant anything by it) while toasting everyone. She apparently decided that dring the dinne rin front of everyone was the place to voice her displeasure, and somehow I got the blame for her being referred to as a special friend.

1. I don't get why I'm being blamed for this, we barely speak, I don't know her, I really have no interest in my father's personal life

2. Maybe the family would react morewarmly to her if she didn't get drunk at an old man's bday party and cause a scene

I don't feel its fair that family gatherings should be made awkward for me because of her, whatever situation she has with my father or grandparents has nothing to with me. 

Should I explain to her I don't care? Should I say something to my grandparents about her presence 9wouldn't that jstify her hatred???)

by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Replies (11-20):
feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 2:35 PM
1 mom liked this
Are these your paternal grandparents? If your dads girlfriend makes you feel uncomfy just stop going to events she'll be at. If she thinks thats justifying her hatred for you thats her problem.

oh and Congrats on the baby! :)
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 2:46 PM

 it sounds as if you and your father have a damaged relationship due to his abuse of drugs and behavior toward your mom, and that is understandable. if YOU dont feel like mending fences, its not required. keep your space. if you do, id suggest talking to your dad when shes not around. theres no requirement you have a relationship w her. youre an adult now.

USBrit
by Silver Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 4:23 PM

 Why focus on your SM when it appears that both your Dad and SM have issues. Why would you want to spend time when it is obvious that the time with them is awul for you. I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope that your Mom is a support for you and quite worrying about your Dad and SM, their loss. Go where you want to go and don't worry about the times you dont want to go....Live your life as you desire, don't get caught up in the push and pull of others drama. Life is tooooo short.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 6:59 PM

Let's bump this one too.

you know, the one where you told the OP that it must be her own fault that her SM hates her and that you would hate her too.

ETA: oh sorry OP, this is directed to lilangilyn on her bumping spree.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 7:21 PM

BUMP!

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 7:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting lilangilyn:

Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.


Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.


Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.


Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?


I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.


 




This is a perfect example of bringing personal bias to a situation. Blame the child. You like doing that.

What the fuck did she describe that warranted the need to get drunk at family gatherings? Project much? It doesn't sound like OP has done anything except come here to see if she should involve herself to protect her grandfather.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 7:39 PM


Quoting pdxmum:

Quoting lilangilyn:

Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.


Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.


Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.


Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?


I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.






This is a perfect example of bringing personal bias to a situation. Blame the child. You like doing that.

What the fuck did she describe that warranted the need to get drunk at family gatherings? Project much? It doesn't sound like OP has done anything except come here to see if she should involve herself to protect her grandfather.

this.

OP, not all SMs are like this. Most of us love our stepchildren. there are just a few nutters out there. I'm sorry you got stuck with one of those.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 7:47 PM
Yes, I'm sorry OP, I didn't respond to you.

Don't get in the middle of it. My SM dislikes me because I don't call my crazy father. She thinks he is the most amazing man in the world. He makes her very happy. I don't want to do anything to impact her happiness. I like her. So me engaging with her about what an ass I think my dad is would be harmful, not helpful.

But you are pretty young to already come to this conclusion. I'm 50 and it has only been in the last 5 years or so that I have come to terms with my relationship with my father. Someone suggested contacting him outside of Sm. Is that possible?
lilangilyn
by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 8:22 PM


Quoting clp0930:

My parents divorced when I was 12 due to my father beating my mother to a pulp. I judge my father and his girlfriend because they're both alcoholics with substance abuse problems who take advantage of my grandparents. I tried to make the calls becase my grandparents had a hope my father and I might be able to mend fences. 

Quoting lilangilyn:

Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.

Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.

Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.

Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?

I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.

 

 

So how is that working for you? in other words, trying to do what the grandparents want? If they are that awful, then do yourself and them a favor and leave them alone.

lilangilyn
by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 8:24 PM


Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Quoting pdxmum:

Quoting lilangilyn:

Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.


Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.


Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.


Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?


I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.


 




This is a perfect example of bringing personal bias to a situation. Blame the child. You like doing that.

What the fuck did she describe that warranted the need to get drunk at family gatherings? Project much? It doesn't sound like OP has done anything except come here to see if she should involve herself to protect her grandfather.

this.

OP, not all SMs are like this. Most of us love our stepchildren. there are just a few nutters out there. I'm sorry you got stuck with one of those.

I think the OP needs to get a life away from her dad, away from her mom, and grow up some. There are some nutters who covet as well. Well, you already know that.

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