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My stepmom hates me....

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My stepmom hates me and I really don't know why. On the rare occasions I used to call my father she wold delete my messages. I've only met her a few times (my parents divorced when I was inmiddle school, I'm in my 20's now). 


It wouldn't nomally bother me because I'm not very close to my father (purely due to his own dumb life decisions) but I felt she acted really inappropriately at my grandfather's 80th birthday party. Though they've been together off and on for about five years they aren't married so my grandfather referred to her as my father's special friend (I really don't think he meant anything by it) while toasting everyone. She apparently decided that dring the dinne rin front of everyone was the place to voice her displeasure, and somehow I got the blame for her being referred to as a special friend.

1. I don't get why I'm being blamed for this, we barely speak, I don't know her, I really have no interest in my father's personal life

2. Maybe the family would react morewarmly to her if she didn't get drunk at an old man's bday party and cause a scene

I don't feel its fair that family gatherings should be made awkward for me because of her, whatever situation she has with my father or grandparents has nothing to with me. 

Should I explain to her I don't care? Should I say something to my grandparents about her presence 9wouldn't that jstify her hatred???)

by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Replies (31-40):
bremery
by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2012 at 2:05 AM
I'm going with the others here and saying you need to ignore her. She is making an ass of herself all on her own. Whether she like you or not isn't important, as long as her shenanigans aren't affecting your relationship with your grandparents. It sounds like your relationship with your father is pretty much non-existant, so it really shouldn't matter that she hates you.
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Nov. 10, 2012 at 6:02 AM
I'd ignore her. If you don't have to be around her or your dad I'd stay away.

Sorry she's just not a good person. I hope they get help for their alcoholism. Congrats on the new baby. :)
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sassy711
by on Nov. 10, 2012 at 11:34 AM

If your dad has an alcohol problem it may be that he and the SM enable each other.  Either way it's a keg of dynamite that will blow eventually and you really don't need that in your life.  I'm guessing the alcohol abuse was in play for a long time (your reference to his dumb decisions) and that the "SM" has only been in your dad's life off and on for 5 years.  What exactly has she done (if you've only met her a few times) that makes you believe she hates you, other than deleting a few messages?  How do you know it was her and not your dad?  My point here is that you don't really give any examples of her hatred.  It sounds as if you're more upset by her behavior at your grandfathers party (justifiable of course) and that you believe others are blaming you for her actions, which they shouldn't do.  Any comments she made to or about you at the party were likely due to her excessive drinking and should be put out of your mind.  She and your dad have serious problems.  As I stated before, the situation with your dad and her is a toxic one (not just her) and it'd be best for you to keep them at arm's length so that you don't suffer from any fallout.  Good luck

Tracylynn100
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:40 PM

Or maybe her step-mom is just a raging bitch like mine was.  Don't really have any advise, the prevailing opinion was because she was insecure over her position in my fathers life.  Never got any better, she died of a heart attack when I was about 30 and he married a serious drinker but at least she is nice to me.  Sounds cold but she was vile for 22 years starting when I was six. 

Quoting lilangilyn:

Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.

Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.

Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.

Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?

I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.

 


ShannaBee
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Agree. My BD was absent during my childhood. His wife, I feel, keeps us from forging any kind of relationship now that I'm an adult.


Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

 From a person that didn't have a relationship with her father her whole childhood life (lots of it had to due with a SM), but does as of 7 yrs ago.


Leave it alone. Ignore her. If your father is still drinking there is no point in trying to talk to him. I know you want your dad..every child does. Maybe later in life you will, but not right now.


hugs


 


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dallas4nu
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:08 PM
She sounds intimidated by you. You see her for who she really is, and that scares her. Your gpa referring to her as 'special friend' brought her insecurities to the surface. Unfortunately, you were the target.

However, I think it DOES in fact bother you. And going out of your way to tell her it DOESN'T, only reinforces it. My advice: consider the source and leave it alone. Don't waste your energy on negative people.
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baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 7:53 AM

And usually it is because the skid merely exists.

Lila, you have done the same thing to this poster that you did to me some 4 years ago. Suggesting that when a SM hates the skid, it is somehow always the skids fault. That is highly insulting to those of us who have had to live or be subjected to the hatred of a vile and contemptuos woman as a kid.

You must be one of those people who blame the victim of rape for the rape itself somehow.

And all of this coming from a SM who has had a serious history of hating her skid. Dont even try to deny that. You made it Hammy's fault, you made it the kids fault. The picture you paint is ever so clear.

Your beads arent working my dear.

Quoting lilangilyn:

Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.

Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.

Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.

Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?

I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.

 

 

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 8:03 AM
I'm curious. Did the sm admit to deleting your messages?

I ask because bm accuses me of this. The funny thing is the calls that are "deleted" are simply ones my dh doesn't feel warrant a call back. Especially when they are coming from bm. I don't hit delete-he does. It's just easier to blame it on me because bm can't fathom why every call isn't returned.

As for her behavior at you grandpa's party-if it is not on you don't own it. That means don't discuss it with her. Let her actions be her own.

Do your dad and she drink too much?
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momcat437
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 9:00 AM

 She's being very childish--by you're being the adult and ignoring her can only prove it to everyone (they already see it, I'm sure)...

Charli627
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:48 PM


Quoting sandeeyo:

I'd ignore her ass, she is your dad's problem, not yours.


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