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My stepmom hates me....

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My stepmom hates me and I really don't know why. On the rare occasions I used to call my father she wold delete my messages. I've only met her a few times (my parents divorced when I was inmiddle school, I'm in my 20's now). 


It wouldn't nomally bother me because I'm not very close to my father (purely due to his own dumb life decisions) but I felt she acted really inappropriately at my grandfather's 80th birthday party. Though they've been together off and on for about five years they aren't married so my grandfather referred to her as my father's special friend (I really don't think he meant anything by it) while toasting everyone. She apparently decided that dring the dinne rin front of everyone was the place to voice her displeasure, and somehow I got the blame for her being referred to as a special friend.

1. I don't get why I'm being blamed for this, we barely speak, I don't know her, I really have no interest in my father's personal life

2. Maybe the family would react morewarmly to her if she didn't get drunk at an old man's bday party and cause a scene

I don't feel its fair that family gatherings should be made awkward for me because of her, whatever situation she has with my father or grandparents has nothing to with me. 

Should I explain to her I don't care? Should I say something to my grandparents about her presence 9wouldn't that jstify her hatred???)

by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Replies (41-44):
Charli627
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:50 PM

I got accused of the same thing and also for writing her back...yeah all him. so dh cut the texting out to her completely (got blamed for that too)

Quoting jlg12678:

I'm curious. Did the sm admit to deleting your messages?

I ask because bm accuses me of this. The funny thing is the calls that are "deleted" are simply ones my dh doesn't feel warrant a call back. Especially when they are coming from bm. I don't hit delete-he does. It's just easier to blame it on me because bm can't fathom why every call isn't returned.

As for her behavior at you grandpa's party-if it is not on you don't own it. That means don't discuss it with her. Let her actions be her own.

Do your dad and she drink too much?


kellynh
by Kelly on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:53 AM

Sometimes, even though your heart is in the right place.... It is still the wrong thing to do. If I had a damaged relationship and my grandparent had asked me when I was 20 to please try and talk to xyz, I would have done it. It would have been the respectful thing to do. You heart was in the right place to try. 

You have the choice, going foward to either contact just your Dad of you want that relationship. Showing up at functions and ignoring the bitch, or refusing to go at all. None of these choices are WRONG. Just make the one that yo feel is best for you, and the one that will leave you with the fewest regrets. 

As to some crazy things you are reading on this post, skip over them. Some people have philosophy's that are totally messed up. ;) 

ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 5:38 AM

Some SMs can't get past the part that their husband had a life before them, that involved having children with another woman.  Instead of accepting and getting over it, they put the blame on the kid(s) that their husband isn't "all theirs".  Maybe this is the issue.  If it is, it's not your problem.  If you talk to you dad, focus on you and your dad, not your SM.  You are an adult (I'm assuming), so if she wants to act like a child, take the high road and ignore her.

The only other reasoning I could think of is that she believes you hate her.  It would be weird if you guys hadn't met though, and she just assumes you hate her for whatever reason.  

Either way, not your problem.  Does it suck?  Yep.  It sucks when bitches are bitches for no reason (boy I'd like to stab two bitches I work with in the eyes with forks for being bitches for no reason), but don't let it get you down.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:50 AM

This is true, it goes for both adults and children, the reason may be rational and based on facts but sometimes it is irrational and not based in fact or reality.

I was privy to conversation with a 60 year old woman who always hated her SM simply because her father married again, she said the woman was good to her but she represented the lost of her family and every child she had with her father was another jab at her. On another board an adult stepchild told the story of being very mean to her stepmother as a teenager, she didn't say the SM was evil to her. There are stepparents who hate their stepchildren for equally irrational reasons too but it is still a reason.

Quoting lilangilyn:

Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

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