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Why do some bms have to.

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Be so ridiculous? I am at the end if my rope I can't stand her. She makes no sense and is hurting her child and my SS. She won't let DH see SS because its not convenient for her. She said she doesn't consider DH in any of her decisions or when making plans. And then only offers DH to see SS on days he works all day until 10pm. So basically she is making it impossible to see SS and when he asks for him on his day off he says no we made plans we are going to watch a movie that night. Or no he's out of school so I made plans. It's not true and she has him 24/7. Cant she watch a movie the next night? why does she hve to be such a bitch Why does this bm not want her child to have a relationship with his father. I'm so sick of this. I can't wait to go to court. She is just trying to control DH and make his life as miserable as possible. It's really sick to use a 5 year old as a pawn to get back at your ex boyfriend/ baby daddy. This is the second week in a row as has withheld him.
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by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Replies (41-47):
chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:40 PM
What does the Motion say? Motion to Modify Custody?

Quoting MRLAdy:

She's obviously not the brightest crayon in the box. It's true but he told her that it was just the first step trying to mediate and get something on paper. There is only the initial complaint as of now.




Quoting chasinrainbows:

How can he be going for "full custody" and BM not know? It would be on the court papers....in black and white.





Quoting MRLAdy:

DH is going for full custody. Bm doesnt know that. But she keeps pushing the court date back. She says she will come to an agreement and then doesn't just to prolong it. It would e better for a multitude of reasons. One being DH is willing to encourage a relationship with both parents and both sides of the family.








Quoting mrsboomtastic:

Sounds like court is highly needed.









What are you asking for? When do you go?


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ShannaBee
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:02 PM
I understand your frustration all too well. There is no clear answer.
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Charli627
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Yeah you guys need a co, even if your dh doesn't get full custody, there needs to be a visitation schedule
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jessiesluv
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 6:20 PM

Good luck. He needs a CO!

AmyB118
by NA Rocks on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:16 PM

I wasn't insinuating that you were.  Sometimes BMs don't care for "hands on" SMs.  If you are a hands on type of SM, she may just feel like you are being intrusive.  I don't know, I can't speak for her.  I was just trying to give you some insight on how a BM feels.

TBH, I think I would have felt that a SM was trying to take my place.  Trying to "mother" my DD.  I'm hyper sensitive to that type of thing.  That's why I wasn't that way w/SSs and any drama that was in my step life wasn't caused by my being Super SM.  Again, I am not trying to insinuate that you are doing that.  Just the way a BM thinks sometimes.

If she says things to SS about you, ignore them.  If she calls you names, ignore her.  Does she do this directly to you or are these just things you've heard that she says?

Quoting MRLAdy:

I don't give her drama. I don't even talk to her. She just hates my guts anyways and calls me names and tells SS stuff about me. I have only ever been nice to her and friendly.


Quoting AmyB118:

Quoting Tracylynn100:

Many times when the parents were never married there is no co concerning visitation, only child support.  In our case the bm used threats of raising cs to make him do what she wanted.  She didn't answer the phone if she didn't want to let her go, etc......she is old enough now she just calls and comes over and there is a co just in case.  Another thought is my husband wasn't as good about requesting time as he should have been but expected her to give whenever he wanted.  I do see where that was probably frustrating for her.






That has no bearing on a CO. There should always be one. Saves everyone a lot of headache. My CO is very specific. Says I have sole legal and sole physical and BF has supervised visits which he screwed up way back when she was 6. She's now 14. DHs CO is very vague. Says BM has custody and he gets liberal visitation. They always worked it out.



I'm very glad, especially since I've been on cm, that I've had no SM drama in my life. I wouldn't have been a fun BM to have. Especially for a sm who wanted to be hands on. I'm not a hands on SM.


MRLAdy
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 9:04 PM
She has said things directly to me, to DH, and to SS.


Quoting AmyB118:

I wasn't insinuating that you were.  Sometimes BMs don't care for "hands on" SMs.  If you are a hands on type of SM, she may just feel like you are being intrusive.  I don't know, I can't speak for her.  I was just trying to give you some insight on how a BM feels.

TBH, I think I would have felt that a SM was trying to take my place.  Trying to "mother" my DD.  I'm hyper sensitive to that type of thing.  That's why I wasn't that way w/SSs and any drama that was in my step life wasn't caused by my being Super SM.  Again, I am not trying to insinuate that you are doing that.  Just the way a BM thinks sometimes.

If she says things to SS about you, ignore them.  If she calls you names, ignore her.  Does she do this directly to you or are these just things you've heard that she says?


Quoting MRLAdy:

I don't give her drama. I don't even talk to her. She just hates my guts anyways and calls me names and tells SS stuff about me. I have only ever been nice to her and friendly.





Quoting AmyB118:

Quoting Tracylynn100:

Many times when the parents were never married there is no co concerning visitation, only child support.  In our case the bm used threats of raising cs to make him do what she wanted.  She didn't answer the phone if she didn't want to let her go, etc......she is old enough now she just calls and comes over and there is a co just in case.  Another thought is my husband wasn't as good about requesting time as he should have been but expected her to give whenever he wanted.  I do see where that was probably frustrating for her.








That has no bearing on a CO. There should always be one. Saves everyone a lot of headache. My CO is very specific. Says I have sole legal and sole physical and BF has supervised visits which he screwed up way back when she was 6. She's now 14. DHs CO is very vague. Says BM has custody and he gets liberal visitation. They always worked it out.





I'm very glad, especially since I've been on cm, that I've had no SM drama in my life. I wouldn't have been a fun BM to have. Especially for a sm who wanted to be hands on. I'm not a hands on SM.




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packermomof2
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:45 AM


Quoting MRLAdy:

She has said things directly to me, to DH, and to SS.


So?  You just have to ignore it. 

My ex's ex used to do the same to my kids about me.  I was terrible, I whined, I complained, I was a bitch (she told that to my five year old who came home and asked me what it meant).  She called my kids names. She insulted my children's intelligence and looks on the rare occasion. She flat out lied TO meand lied about me to my children.  She told my kids they didn't have to listen to me in her house (not regarding the all too sacred "house rules" but about things that had nothing to do with the house, just my kids).  My ex defended her to me in front of her, but told me he really didn't agre with her when she wasn't around.  She tried telling what's what one time only... tried is the key word as I don't take marching orders regarding my kids from anyone, especially a woman married to my ex..

I ignored.  I taught my kids to ignore.  I used the woman as an example of what I don't want my kids to be.. as in "don't call names or talk bad about people.  It just means you feel bad about yourself and are trying to drag others down to where you are" type of lessons...

My ex knew all she was doing and it cost him a relationship with his kids.  The kids learned to ignore that type of attitude and ended up not wanting to deal with that negativity at all and refused to believe a word she said and didn't understand why their father was okay with how things were -he was her ally in trying to hurt me though my kids and my kids saw what he did.

Kids eventually see a parent for who they are.  They'll forgive them many, many times, but they will not forget.  As long as they have one person there telling them to not worry about what is said, pointing out the flaws in the arguments (example: my kids former SM once told my kids that, not only had I not graduated from college, I didn't graduate from H.S.  Dumbest lie ever, btw as I graduated with their father (who allowed the kids to believe it and have the diploma to prove it)... my youngest came home in a tizzy that I would tell him school was important and that it wasn't important enough to me so why say things to him about it?  He shut his mouth after seeing the diploma... and yes, I was in college at that time... as was his former SM... so..I didn't understand the lie)...

You have to let it roll off your back or you'll make yourself miserable.

 

 

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