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What is your opinion....

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:43 PM
  • 37 Replies

About a BM who loses custody of her DS in the same year that she met her current DH in the month of May, got pregnant (w/her current DH's child), they get married by Oct., move by beginning of Dec. sending a letter 30 days to her DD's BD that an out of state move will be taking place, due to her DH's job offer (she had just MET him 7mths before) not even the normal 60 days!

So BM moves taking DD states away from her BD who has court ordered visitation & moving away from her own DS whom she is losing custody of (which she ends up losing because of the fact she even went ahead and moved).  

Since the move, DD has been alienated from her BF & the DS has hardly seen his own BM for almost 11yrs. now...YES, very sad!  or at least I think so!  Which BM says she was "tricked" into losing custody of her DS, I thought to myself, "Are you freaking kidding me?!?!"  In most states, I think many of us may know how hard that fact can be, to take a child away from their mother???!!!  The judge made his decision for a reason or at least I think so...what is your thoughts???  I personally think, ALSO, that BM in this situation was selfish...her feelings came before her DD & DS!

Some Details:

BM left DS ALL THE TIME w/BD or his parents SO MUCH that BD had to pay for childcare in ADDITION to the CS he was already paying BM. (This was not in their CO-he was EOWE dad in papers) BM was going out often & didn't have either child in her care. BD to her DS didn't have girlfriend/wife at the time (could be why he had him all the time??), BD to DD was MARRIED.  DD was left w/BM's friends/relatives most of the time before she would EVER ask her BD (BD to DD- it went strictly by the papers-BM always had issues w/wife-not legitimate reasons) When school started (Aug.), DD had already been in 4 differ schools by the time BM moved in Dec.  She had just met current DH in May.  DD's BD was not told of the school changes, etc.  All happened rather quickly!  So BM was also found to be unstable.

So 2 kids who don't get to see a parent based on the decision this BM made!  The state in which she moved to is where her current DH's family lives.  He just wanted to live near his family.  BM doesn't even have immediate relatives that live anywhere CLOSE.  Since she's moved, BD to DD has hardly been able to see her & BM doesn't even see her DS.  It's always been BM's vendetta to make it difficult for BD to DD to not be able to see her, BD had already been in/out of court w/BM that went on for over a year.  Final CO had only been followed 1.5 yr. 

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:47 PM
1 mom liked this
My opinion is only one parent can be custodial and so I don't judge people based on their status of custodial or not. Some people find love that make them happy and they make sacrifices. Would I do it? Absolutely not. But I won't judge someone who does.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:51 PM
Also. I would like to add that looking around at this forum, far more dad's are custodial than mom's. It's hard to judge a woman based on her status as custodial or not. Some mom's think their children are better with their father because of a closer bond or work schedule. I don't know. But it would be the same as judging a man for not having custody.
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Onlyus4
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:53 PM


Quoting momof2ex1:

My opinion is only one parent can be custodial and so I don't judge people based on their status of custodial or not. Some people find love that make them happy and they make sacrifices. Would I do it? Absolutely not. But I won't judge someone who does.

Would you sacrifice, not only losing custody of your child, but to move states away from him???  In the mean time, DD can't see her BF, BM doesn't see her own DS because of the sacrifices she chose to make?...You're right!  I ABSOLUTELY wouldn't either!  

MRLAdy
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:56 PM
Sounds really messed up? Why no relationship at all? Anyone heard of a phone?
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Charli627
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:56 PM


Quoting momof2ex1:

My opinion is only one parent can be custodial and so I don't judge people based on their status of custodial or not. Some people find love that make them happy and they make sacrifices. Would I do it? Absolutely not. But I won't judge someone who does.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I obviously said that I wouldn't - but I don't judge someone who does.


Quoting Onlyus4:



Quoting momof2ex1:

My opinion is only one parent can be custodial and so I don't judge people based on their status of custodial or not. Some people find love that make them happy and they make sacrifices. Would I do it? Absolutely not. But I won't judge someone who does.

Would you sacrifice, not only losing custody of your child, but to move states away from him???  In the mean time, DD can't see her BF, BM doesn't see her own DS because of the sacrifices she chose to make?...You're right!  I ABSOLUTELY wouldn't either!  


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Onlyus4
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:01 AM

This BM didn't think that DS was better w/the BF due to any close bonds, etc.  The BF proved to the court obviously that he was the "better" parent, having affidavits, etc. to prove it!  BM just didn't think that the judge would side w/the BF because she was the "BM" which is why she went ahead & moved.  She had to fly back for the final CO  Again, I couldn't do it!  Figuratively speaking, if I did, there's no way I could move away from my child...well, I'm a BM who can't stand to be away from my kids for too long anyway, but that's ME!

Quoting momof2ex1:

Also. I would like to add that looking around at this forum, far more dad's are custodial than mom's. It's hard to judge a woman based on her status as custodial or not. Some mom's think their children are better with their father because of a closer bond or work schedule. I don't know. But it would be the same as judging a man for not having custody.


Onlyus4
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:08 AM

Trust Me! I feel the same way!  No good relationship, phone calls, text...well, when there's states/hrs. in between, & if you look into Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) it is SEVERE!  You'd think phone calls, texts, emails, letters, etc. would work, not when you have, apparently a vindictive parent:(  Phone calls/texts are few & far between (if they happen at all) & visits (occasionally) If it were only that easy!

Quoting MRLAdy:

Sounds really messed up? Why no relationship at all? Anyone heard of a phone?


MommySabs
by Gold Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 6:04 AM
I don't know the details so not really my place to judge.
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AmyB118
by NA Rocks on Nov. 16, 2012 at 7:03 AM


Quoting momof2ex1:

Also. I would like to add that looking around at this forum, far more dad's are custodial than mom's. It's hard to judge a woman based on her status as custodial or not. Some mom's think their children are better with their father because of a closer bond or work schedule. I don't know. But it would be the same as judging a man for not having custody.

Yep - My SIL is NCP and TBH she was tricked into losing custody.  She was very young (19) when she left BF w/her then infant DD.  She took her when she left.  She wanted to be fair and allow BF to see her so she met him in a public place - a Dennys restaurant.  When my niece started crying he said he would walk around with her to settle her down.  He walked straight out the door and handed her off to his parents who were waiting in their truck in the parking lot as they'd planned.

Thousands and thousands of dollars and 10 years later, she is still NCP. SIL works, owns her own home is VERY stable and a hugely active BM.  While I have no doubt that BF loves my niece, it was all done as a power move and had a huge pyschological effect on my SIL.

Their CO is as close to 50/50 as one can get but the sad part about it all is that had she stayed w/BM she'd have had a much more stable life.  BF has moved no less than a dozen times even taking her out of state for a few years, now has three additional kids and SM basically uses her as a babysitter so she doesn't have to watch her own children.  BF has also since the time he's been w/SM taught my niece that the two women are to be called "Mommy insert first name"  and has said if she doesn't she will get in trouble.  

It's very sad....very sad...

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