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So selfish!

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:22 AM
  • 41 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Should children get time with both parents on major holidays, like Christmas?

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Yep

Nope

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Total Votes: 30

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I really need to vent right now.  My DSD's BM informed us today that she is keeping DSD all Thanksgiving day, and the day after, which is no huge deal, but still a bit sad.  THEN she informed us that Christmas is out too.  Apparently, after they open their presents, they have to go to BM's boyfriend's parents, which supposedly takes up every single minute of the whole day of Christmas.  My kids and my DSD are very close, so this makes it extra sad for me, because they don't get any time to open presents together (and we've spent a lot to give them the best Christmas possible, because it's our first Christmas as a new family).  I'm so pissed, because why the hell can't she even fit an hour into her precious schedule to allow DF time with his daughter on Christmas day?  This is an ongoing thing anyway.  Most of the time, DSD is with us or her grandparents, but when holidays/birthdays roll around, it's time to pretend to be mother of the year all of the sudden.  Even when she has DSD, she is told to go play in her room and stay out of Mommy's hair.  Am I wrong to feel like it's sick to keep a child away from her father on a day like Christmas?  I can't quit crying about how unfair this is, and there really isn't anything we can do.  My ex-DH and I have had our differences, but one thing we've always agreed on is that the kids need time with both parents on these special days.  There is so much more backstory here, but I just needed to vent, so that I don't keep bitching to my DF.  He can't do anything about it, and this is hurting him far worse.  Just feels good to get it all out sometimes, or else I think I'd pull my hair out.  Thanks for listening, if you made it this far!

by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Isn't there co'd holiday time?
My exh and I don't follow the co holiday schedule but I always make sure he gets time with the kids and never have told him nope sorry I can't spare any time for you.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:28 AM

is there a court order that specifies who gets what holiday?

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:29 AM

What does the CO say about holidays?

It's not always possible to split the day (i.e., parents live far apart).  And from experience, I don't think it's the best protocol to open gifts and run.  It's nice to be able to spend a quiet Christmas Day opening gifts, enjoying those gifts, eating, and just hanging out.  My DH and BM have divided the day for the past few years, and while SS gets amped up over the idea of opening more gifts in more places, SD isn't a fan of the rushed schedule.  Thanksgiving isn't split. 

sassy711
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:31 AM

What does the CO say?  What does DH think should be done?  How does SD feel about this?

Go by the CO, doument this issue and maybe go back and modify the CO for next year?  If possible kids should have some time with each parent on special holidays. 

SammyJK
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:32 AM
1 mom liked this
It all depends on the co. I feel that its easier to switch major holidays yearly. It would be crazy for us to actually split the DAY.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:33 AM


Quoting Derdriu:

And from experience, I don't think it's the best protocol to open gifts and run.  

I agree, I don't think an hour on Christmas day is meaningful. I think it's better to celebrate as a family on a day chosen before or after Christmas, when you have time to really enjoy the experience.

LuckyIrishMom
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:33 AM

No, he agreed to let her be primary custodian because she assured him that she would be fair, as the divorce was amicable, and he didn't feel it necessary at the time.  He's obviously kicking himself for not pushing for a court-mandated parenting plan, and for trusting her to do the right thing.  I just never thought anyone would be that self-centered.....and I've met some real jerks!

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:35 AM


Quoting LuckyIrishMom:

No, he agreed to let her be primary custodian because she assured him that she would be fair, as the divorce was amicable, and he didn't feel it necessary at the time.  He's obviously kicking himself for not pushing for a court-mandated parenting plan, and for trusting her to do the right thing.  I just never thought anyone would be that self-centered.....and I've met some real jerks!

Her idea and his idea of "the right thing" are obviously different. I don't think either one is wrong. But, they should put together a parenting plan and file it with the court. If they can't agree, he should file a motion for a parenting plan.

Does he pay child support?

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:38 AM
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He beds to file for a modification ASAP to put a standard visitation plan in place, on the grounds that she is not following through with their former mutual agreement to share placement, and denying him time with his dd for holidays. If he were to file in the next week there's a chance he could get before a judge to get a temp order put in before Christmas to force her to share the child on Christmas.




Quoting LuckyIrishMom:

No, he agreed to let her be primary custodian because she assured him that she would be fair, as the divorce was amicable, and he didn't feel it necessary at the time.  He's obviously kicking himself for not pushing for a court-mandated parenting plan, and for trusting her to do the right thing.  I just never thought anyone would be that self-centered.....and I've met some real jerks!


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LuckyIrishMom
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:41 AM
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In our situation, we live in the same small town.  I was just upset mainly because not only is she not seeing her dad at Christmas, the reason is because she has to go to parties, etc. of people who aren't even her family.  I agree that it's not ideal to only get her for an hour or so, but I guess I hold too tightly to the idea that it HAS to be on Christmas day.  I think we will just try to find a day around Christmas to do our stuff.  

Quoting Derdriu:

What does the CO say about holidays?

It's not always possible to split the day (i.e., parents live far apart).  And from experience, I don't think it's the best protocol to open gifts and run.  It's nice to be able to spend a quiet Christmas Day opening gifts, enjoying those gifts, eating, and just hanging out.  My DH and BM have divided the day for the past few years, and while SS gets amped up over the idea of opening more gifts in more places, SD isn't a fan of the rushed schedule.  Thanksgiving isn't split. 


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