"You'd understand if you were a mom." **more of a vent**
Oh the countless times I heard this from BM. She mostly said it after my miscarriage, I assume to hurt me. But now that I have been a mom for 6 months I've been thinking about the different instances she used that phrase in and trying to picture how I would react.
I can understand a lot of her feelings when it came to SS and me. I completely agree with her on the "mom" title. I correct SS every time he slips and says it. He is 2, and he has only been calling me mom since DD was born. I think he gets confused because he hears his daddy say "Here, go to mommy" and stuff when talking to DD. He's young, we correct him and he will stop eventually. But I completely agree with her. I would flip a lid if DD called anyone else mom. I am like a huge momma bear over DD, I think because I did lose 3 children before I was blessed with DD. I know my husband's strengths and weaknesses as a parent. So should anything ever happen between DH and I and we divorced and he found a new woman, I have an idea of what his significant other would be doing for DD and my unborn baby. Unless he changed as a parent, you never know. It would make me uncomfortable to know that another woman would be around my children. I understand her feelings in those regards...
I would NEVER pull the crap she does with DH and her other children's fathers. Yes, I understand she was hurt that her and DH broke up before SS was born. Yes, I understand she was hurt that he and I started dating a month later. I do understand that. DH and I have went through some shit I don't want to disclose all three times I've been pregnant by him. And two of those times I did discuss divorce with him. So I know feeling hurt while pregnant with his child. But I also know that he is my children's father. A father plays such a vital role in children's lives and I would never willingly push my children's father out of their life and hinder their ability to have a relationship with him. I would never downplay his role.
BM has an older son as well... his father broke up with her when she was pregnant too. She kept the child's birth a secret from the father. She had him removed from the hospital when he found out the baby was born and tried to go up there. She kept him out of the child's life for 8 months until the paternity test was done and he had legal rights. Sounds so familiar becuase she pulled the same with DH when SS was born and kept him out of SS's life for the first 6 months.
I don't understand how she can think that is ok. DD LOVES her daddy... I would never keep her away from him. It would hurt to have her away from me half the time, really bad, but I have told DH that should anything ever occur, he gets 50/50 and there will be no child support order. I'm a stay at home mom and I am with DD all day every day. For 6 months I have only been away from her maybe a total of 24 hours after you add up all the time for my appointments. DH and I have only had people watch her so we could get a break once. I don't like her being out of my sight. We are extremely bonded... BUT I know her father's importance in her life.
I just don't understand how mothers can downplay a fathers role... can make it so hard for the father to be a part of the child's life just because of the way things ended with them.
I understand being hurt.
But as a parent we are supposed to put our child first.
Now when BM talks to me about her feelings regarding DH and SS I have more "credibility" in her eyes because I am a mom to a living baby. Just a little bit. But that is better than the "You'd understand if you were a mom" or "You would understand if your children were alive".
I am a mom. And I still don't understand.
This is more of a vent than anything...