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Loving skid like your own....

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Belittles the bond between a mother and child. In my opinion.

Is it just me? I don't think I could ever love a child like I love my own....does that make me a bad step mom :/
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by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:59 AM
Replies (21-30):
mirm99
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Yep this... I love them all my kids and sd but its a different love....

Quoting faerie75:

I don't love my skids like my own. I do love them but not the same at all.
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feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I think that's a great analogy!

before I had my dd I was raising my newphew like my own (because my sister sucks) and I was actually scared of not loving my own child like I loved him. And now that's just complete nonsense to me lol I do still love my nephew but the love doesn't compare to the love for my own dd


Quoting Derdriu:

I'm a childless CSM, and though I don't have my own, I do know I don't love my SKs like I will my own.

(Warning: Potentially offensive analogy follows.) I view it similarly - but obviously not the same - as boarding horses. I have my horses in my barn and horses belonging to other people. Mine are mine. I'm free to make the decisions, love, dote, etc., and no one can take them from me. I know some of the others just as well, care for them daily, see to their needs, in some cases provide training, and probably know them better than their owners. But they're not mine (not that I wouldn't love to claim a couple, lol). The emotional distance defined by "not mine" allows me to step back when an owner does something I don't agree with. It's not unlike the reminder I give myself with BM does something I find absurd. Not my kid; not my choice. But by having that emotional distance and being prepared to let go, I know that I don't love them as I would my own. Neither hell nor high water can cause me to step back or defer to others over what is mine to raise and protect.

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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:05 AM
I am a childless csm. My stepsons mom has passed away. I love my stepson more than words. When my husband and I do have a child its my job to make sure even if I do to make sure he doesn't know it. If that makes sense....
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zannahdeux
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:02 AM
I Would say that a woman who says she loves her step kids as her own probably doesn't have her own kids and really doesn't know any better. Don't blame her for this. I felt the same way until I had my own. Lol now I know better or I am just too busy with my own kid to be constantly thinking about my skids. That sounds harsh but they have two adults that are responsible for them. My lo only has me an dh. My priorities are different as the bond I have with then is different- as it should be. I am sure there are son stitches where this is not true but the kids were prob younger when they met sm.
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CFSTBSM27
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:34 PM
I've been in Sd s life for roughly to two years do I care for her wellbeing and happiness yes, also I not have children of my own yet so I couldnt say "like my own" but I love her like I.love a niece. There's lots of time to grow and develop certain emotions
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Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:43 AM
This comment says it perfectly for me.  I care about my SD and want only the best for her; I treat her kindly, but could never feel the same about her that I do for my own child.  On the flip side, I have no positive feelings towards my SS (age 24) because of the poor way he has treated me and his dad.  If he had been my biochild forgiveness would have been easier and the feelings so close to hatred would not be there.  
Quoting sassy711:

I love my kids, and that's because they are mine, I gve birth to them, raised them.  There is a bond and history there that cannot be broken (tested of course).  I care about my skids but I don't love them.  I think love is a term that is thrown about to casually today.  I'm not being mean when I say that about my skids, it's just that there really is no history, no bond.  I care for and about them, but it's not the same as with my kids.  I think society expects SM to love skids exactly the way we love our bio kids and sometimes that's not possible.  If you love your skid, great, more power to you.  But I don't think you should beat yourself up if you don't.  But, I believe a "good" SM should care about the skids because they are a part of your life and the life of your DH. 


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:16 AM

I'm bumping this, because there is another active post by a OP who has seen her boyfriend's son 3 times, twice when he was 11 months old, and once a year after that. All day visits. He is now 3.5yo. And she says she loves him like her own kids. She has had no other contact with the child (neither has her boyfriend).

THIS is an example of what I meant when I said sometimes I just don't believe it.

feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:28 PM

I saw that! And that is exactly what I meant by diminishing the REAL bond between a child and parent.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm bumping this, because there is another active post by a OP who has seen her boyfriend's son 3 times, twice when he was 11 months old, and once a year after that. All day visits. He is now 3.5yo. And she says she loves him like her own kids. She has had no other contact with the child (neither has her boyfriend).

THIS is an example of what I meant when I said sometimes I just don't believe it.


MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:26 PM

I do love my SD10 like she was one of my own. BUT I have done more for that little girl than her BM has.  We have a really good relationship. She knows I'm not her mom and I don't try to take over that role. BM just sometimes refuses to play that role but that's a different post!! Anyway- I do the same things for her that I do for my DD. I've also been in her life since she was 3. She doesn't remember a whole lot about life before I came along.

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:28 PM

I don't think it belittles the BP. BM has had every opportunity to have a bond with SD, sometimes she just chooses to do other things instead.

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