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Loving skid like your own....

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Belittles the bond between a mother and child. In my opinion.

Is it just me? I don't think I could ever love a child like I love my own....does that make me a bad step mom :/
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by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:59 AM
Replies (11-20):
sassy711
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 8:58 AM

I love my kids, and that's because they are mine, I gve birth to them, raised them.  There is a bond and history there that cannot be broken (tested of course).  I care about my skids but I don't love them.  I think love is a term that is thrown about to casually today.  I'm not being mean when I say that about my skids, it's just that there really is no history, no bond.  I care for and about them, but it's not the same as with my kids.  I think society expects SM to love skids exactly the way we love our bio kids and sometimes that's not possible.  If you love your skid, great, more power to you.  But I don't think you should beat yourself up if you don't.  But, I believe a "good" SM should care about the skids because they are a part of your life and the life of your DH. 

ginamom512
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 9:26 AM

I think it depends on the situation.

feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:56 AM
This is what I was thinking too. My ss is just barely older then my dd and he's a sweet adorable kid, he's hard not to love. But it's completely different then the love I have for my dd


Quoting sassy711:

I love my kids, and that's because they are mine, I gve birth to them, raised them.  There is a bond and history there that cannot be broken (tested of course).  I care about my skids but I don't love them.  I think love is a term that is thrown about to casually today.  I'm not being mean when I say that about my skids, it's just that there really is no history, no bond.  I care for and about them, but it's not the same as with my kids.  I think society expects SM to love skids exactly the way we love our bio kids and sometimes that's not possible.  If you love your skid, great, more power to you.  But I don't think you should beat yourself up if you don't.  But, I believe a "good" SM should care about the skids because they are a part of your life and the life of your DH. 


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Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:36 PM

nope

I love my skids with all my heart-however DD will always come first to me since she's my only bio child.


Ktina11
by Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't live my sd like my boys. The relationship is totally different.
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Charli627
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:44 PM

I love skids very much and i make sure that they know it but of course no one will be close to the love of my bio kids. But i am fair will the kids as i can possiblily be.

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 4:20 PM

I don't love "SD" like I love my own but I think i'm well on my way...

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:24 PM

I like SD.

I love DD.

Doesn't matter even if raise SD I wouldn't love her as my own.

I am mean like that.

But I know one woman who loves her SD more than her DD. She admits it. She said, it because SD was her "first child" (?)

mamaslove11
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 9:51 PM

I love my step-son as my own and treat him as my own. I have a 13 year old ds, too. So I know what it is like to love a biochild too. My ss is adopted by my dh and his ex. I take better care of him then his mom and do more for him then his mom. Since I have been in his life he has gotten closer and closer to me. I take him to school, help him with his homework, take care of all his aches and pains, and listen when he talks. If he has a question and I tell him no he know I will tell him why. He talks to me about everything, always wants hugs from me, and is always climbing in my lap and wanting to cuddle. He is such a sweet, funny, loveable little boy that it is hard not to love him as my own. But like everybody has said everybody is different and everybody loves different;y. SO do not beat yourself up over how you feel. Does not make you a bad SM because of it. As long as you treat them like you treat your biokids and everything it equal to include hugs, kisses, chores, punishments, ect your are doing no wrong.

Texas Cowboys Girl

cowgirl          juggling

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm a childless CSM, and though I don't have my own, I do know I don't love my SKs like I will my own.

(Warning: Potentially offensive analogy follows.) I view it similarly - but obviously not the same - as boarding horses. I have my horses in my barn and horses belonging to other people. Mine are mine. I'm free to make the decisions, love, dote, etc., and no one can take them from me. I know some of the others just as well, care for them daily, see to their needs, in some cases provide training, and probably know them better than their owners. But they're not mine (not that I wouldn't love to claim a couple, lol). The emotional distance defined by "not mine" allows me to step back when an owner does something I don't agree with. It's not unlike the reminder I give myself with BM does something I find absurd. Not my kid; not my choice. But by having that emotional distance and being prepared to let go, I know that I don't love them as I would my own. Neither hell nor high water can cause me to step back or defer to others over what is mine to raise and protect.
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