When my daughter started kindgergarten we were about done with the custody battle. The custody evaluator was finishing up his interviews during that time. We got the report a couple of weeks after the hearing where my ex got nothing that he wanted. My guess is, now after reading this and other SP'ing boards plus that report, it was because everything was my fault in his and his family's eyes, much like in various SP'ing posts mom is to blame.
A few examples I've seen of mom being blamed that mirrored something in my life are when a kid calls SM or dad a name. In my case it was "butthead". I didnt know my kid had done that and my ex's sister said in the report that she just knew my son got it from me, that I had said it. No... I didn't. I had been trying to break my kid of it since hearing his sister say it after she picked it up at school.
I never give my ex "extra time". Well, yeah, I did. When I didn't have plans. During the custody evaluation he was given 3 weekends to my one and every Wed. The lawyers did say we needed to work with each other on extra time, but during that time he was requesting every single one of my weekends and I finally started saying no. But it was in interview that I didn't give extra time. I had also given him every weekend before the custody evaluation that he had asked for unless there was something going on (rarely there was). They just saw that I didn't give him what he wanted when he wanted every time so I wasn't cooperating.
Because I didn't allow his parents, who hated me and slammed doors in my face when I was nice enough to allow them to see the kids when it wasn't ex's time at pick up time and who argued with me about the time frame (a few hours isn't enough apparently) to be my constant daycare when I had to work I was causing problems with his extended family. So he tried to have it CO'd that I only use them. It didn't work. I wasn't trying to cause issues, there were already issues that they weren't being honest about during the whole thing... they weren't helping but were expectng me to roll over.
My kids were coming home filthy. No baths, clothes stained (my kids are prone to nose bleeds and that would be on their clothes all weekend). If my kid had a potty training accident the clothes were just balled up and stuck in a plastic bag and given back to me witout being washed. (the only time my son was ever in clean clothes until he got older after a weekend was if there was an accident). You betcha I said something. They tried to say I was being nitpicky and needed to mind my own business.
And finally... I was accused of abuse. My daughter had a black eye from her grabbing on to her father and he jerked away and she fell and hit her head. It was said they thought I gave her the black eye. They said they saw me spank my 2 year old (I didn't, I didn't think it worked on 2 year olds, but his sister did witness him smack the kid so hard during potty training that welts appeared and she couldn't walk for half an hour and that was left out of the report).
So, what is my point? It seems that all over the internet there are horrible stories of what mom does, how she sucks, why she isn't a good mom, why dad should have custody, how mom is the only one contributing to the issues, and how the courts are just biased when it comes to custody.
How many dads/SMs (not the ones who have custody here) were incredibly one sided and blame mom for everything and that is why custody went to mom...because it appears that dad can't help but point fingers instead of admitting he's at least partly to blame and is willing to change and work with mom from here on out?
How many look for anything they can to try to use against mom, say if it wasn't for mom the kid wouldn't say or do what they do instead of realizing kids pick things up from others as well as mom?
How many take moms reactions to something dad/SM does and try to make it out like mom is a few fries short of a happy mean instead of looking at their own actions?
I know not ALL do this, but I got bored and did a search on stepmom boards and the complaints are always the same and there aren't many who come out and admit they they or their husband play a part in the dysfunction they are whining about.