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I am so glad this is a place to vent.  Sometimes i feel as if I have no one to turn to.  I don't know anyone in a situation like mine and DH and myself seem to keep it between us.  I know of no one else to turn to and honestly, so happy I found ladies online that can possibly either give advice or at the very least understand.

Here is the issue...

Since the beginning, BM has just been plain nasty.  Not only to myself or DH...I suppose that is to be expected.  She got kicked out of DH house because of her filth and cheating.  Ok whatever, that's on her but I wasn't around then.  At that time, I actually defended her to him.  She was young and had a 1YO and maybe she just wasn't ready.  Throughout the years, she has started fights over the phone, kept SS without any visitation or knowledge of his whereabouts for 6 weeks,  brought SS over FILTHY and infected with scabies, and when he was 2, his front 4 teeth had rotted out and had to be pulled because she REFUSED to brush his teeth and put him to bed every night with a bottle in his mouth.

Now the last year she has met a new BF and she started to straighten up a bit.  She still causes arguments and we are trying to deal with it but SS4 is at least clean.  SS4 is not peeing in the bed at night (he has been potty trained for over a year now) and this morning he peed on the floor.  I thought that because BM is pregnant, he was doing the whole reverting thing because of the upcoming baby.  I tried to talk to him and tell him that everyone loves him as the big brother.  I wanted him to feel a bit extra special instead of punishing him.  He told us this morning that he doesn't do it a BM's house because he sleeps in the bed with BM...and BF.  Now we have dismissed the sexual aggression this year as him being a boy.  But he tells us that he takes showers with BF and now they all sleep together AND she is pregnant?

Am I totally overreacting with being completely discusted and concerned with SS4 well- being?  Is this a completely normal sitch? Do all 4 year olds masterbate and try to grab at breasts?  Would you let a BF shower nude with your son?  Is imitating sex normal for a 4 year old? 

by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:38 AM
Replies (11-19):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:41 PM
My 5 year old son sleeps with us sometimes. He slept with us last night. Of course we are mommy and daddy but still... He did sleep with us and i'm too lazy to get up and move him in the middle of the night. Some people might find it yuk that he was sleeping with us at 2 before my dh adopted him. But we werent doing anything inappropriate with him in the bed. We were just sleeping. My son has always been a co-sleeper bc when he was an infant, he would aspirate into his lungs and until I could afford an apnea monitor, he slept with me. It was hard to break him of that once the habit had already been formed. Some nights it is just easier to co-sleep because now he is 'afraid of the dark' and we just are too tired for the battle some nights. Some nights we stand strong and make him sleep in his bed and get him back in his bed if he gets up. But like i said, some times I am just lazy and I don't mind co-sleeping right now.

I will add that my son has never done anything remotely 'sexual' or aggressive...
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:44 PM
After reading some of the responses, I should add that while I don't see this as 'sexual' behavior, my son has become interested in his privates. Not so much as interested but more of its 'hard' and uncomfortable so he has 1. Cried over the 'pain' 2. Tried 'making it go down'. As far as breasts? Yes my son likes boobies. Lol not in a sexual way but in a 'oh wow what are those? And when will I get some' type of interest. He thinks it is funny now. Lol he laughs when he hears the word 'Boobies' and says it over and over again. I think that's a normal boy thing.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:49 PM
Hmmm.. Even if a teacher can't stand a parent, they should be discussing parental issues with a parent. You should let them know that dh or BM are the best people to contact regarding their child.


Quoting bertaboo1:

He's in pre k ..did your ss act out there? That would be a good question to ask them...usually he acts out and is in fights...the teacher calls me or my dh because they can't stand bm ..funny how I'm always apologizing for her..






Quoting mrsboomtastic:

Is he in school yet? What got my bm to realize things ss was doing was inappropriate was when teacher called her out.





We tried talking to her prior but she laughed it off


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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:52 PM
I do not like that he is showering with the boyfriend. I think that needs to be addressed. Sooner rather than later.
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angelmommy2806
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:13 PM
The showering is concerning. Sleeping, as long as they're just sleeping I don't see much problem. That's just my opinion though.
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bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:55 AM
At first I didn't want to judge.. My daughter slept with me until she was 8.. But it was just me and not my boyfriend and me and her... Now that she has 10 she has had maybe 2 Nightmares And she made a pallet on the floor beside our bed ... Once she got sick while I was at the store And she crawled into bed with my husband .. But every night sleeping with mom and boyfriend.. And for the past year he's been sexually aggressive.. It makes me raise an eyebrow


Quoting momof2ex1:

My 5 year old son sleeps with us sometimes. He slept with us last night. Of course we are mommy and daddy but still... He did sleep with us and i'm too lazy to get up and move him in the middle of the night. Some people might find it yuk that he was sleeping with us at 2 before my dh adopted him. But we werent doing anything inappropriate with him in the bed. We were just sleeping. My son has always been a co-sleeper bc when he was an infant, he would aspirate into his lungs and until I could afford an apnea monitor, he slept with me. It was hard to break him of that once the habit had already been formed. Some nights it is just easier to co-sleep because now he is 'afraid of the dark' and we just are too tired for the battle some nights. Some nights we stand strong and make him sleep in his bed and get him back in his bed if he gets up. But like i said, some times I am just lazy and I don't mind co-sleeping right now.



I will add that my son has never done anything remotely 'sexual' or aggressive...

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bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:11 AM

i have 2 nephews that i am very close to...i remember the "curiosity" phase.  i remember the pain they complained about.  i do believe that is normal and not to make a big deal out of it.  i remember when both nephews always wanted to lift my shirt and touch my skin.  (they have super dry "fishscale" skin where i have soft skin) but ss4 is agressive in his behavior.  he tried to take off the panties of my dd10.  he has reached his hand down my blouse and wanted to kiss me "there".  once i laying on my belly watching tv and  my daughter was rubbing my shoulders and he took off his clothes and tried to "mount" me from behind. 

Quoting momof2ex1:

After reading some of the responses, I should add that while I don't see this as 'sexual' behavior, my son has become interested in his privates. Not so much as interested but more of its 'hard' and uncomfortable so he has 1. Cried over the 'pain' 2. Tried 'making it go down'. As far as breasts? Yes my son likes boobies. Lol not in a sexual way but in a 'oh wow what are those? And when will I get some' type of interest. He thinks it is funny now. Lol he laughs when he hears the word 'Boobies' and says it over and over again. I think that's a normal boy thing.


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:23 AM

Your husband should call a child psychologist and bring SS in for an evaluation, on a day when he has visitation.

How much visitation does he have?

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:33 AM

one week on and one week off and every other wed.  its a split 50/50.  i have been working on him to get him to take ss to therepy.  he is more standoffish on that sort of thing.  i just started to go to therepy myselft last week after i was robbed at gunpoint at the bank and he has seen how it has helped me in just one week.  im hoping that it will change his mind about taking ss4 to talk to someone.  i believe it can help, not just ss4 but us as well on how to deal with some of his behavior issues. 

Quoting whatIknownow:

Your husband should call a child psychologist and bring SS in for an evaluation, on a day when he has visitation.

How much visitation does he have?


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