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Are we selfish?

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:41 AM
  • 30 Replies
I've posted a bit in the last week about SD15's suicide threat and resulting inpatient admission. We had a family session the other day and the best description if her behavior was hostile. Our time at home, given the stress of the week, has been peaceful. The house is running smoother, the other kids are less stressed, and we are all much more peaceful.
The question if the moment is about Thanksgiving. SD15's mother died two years ago on the day before thanksgiving (the 24th that year). Her wacky grandparents decided that the day before the holiday should always celebrate her mother's death. They dwell on it to an unhealthy level to the point of calling SD15 by her mother's name. They have basically have made it into a multi day anniversary - it extends from the day before Thanksgiving to whenever the actual date is. SD15 is a mess during this.
The therapist was discussing the holiday with us. We both prefer that SD15 stay in through the anniversary. We feel that even though she would miss the holiday, she is at such an increased risk for negative behaviors she and our family are safer with her in there.
Sorry this is so long... Are we being selfish?
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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SammyJK
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:44 AM
No. She NEEDS to be there by the sound of it.
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grumpyboston
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:47 AM
No not at all . Your giving her a safe place for her to learn how to deal with her emontions during the rough time . They can help her I think the grandparents need help
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Mommyof5247
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:52 AM

No. She's made suicide threats. Monitoring her during the time of the anniversary of her mother's death will be the best thing for her. After the weekend is over everyone can reassess her.

If it were about everyone simply having a "better/less stressful" holiday by tucking SD away, that would be selfish. But the "death celebration would extend for several days this year.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:59 AM
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I think with her current state of mind staying through the holiday is the best thing for her. Her mental state is delicate right now, she doesn't need to be drug through a memorial for her mothers passing especially if it is as much as you describe. She needs to focus on getting better not on being sad.
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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:14 PM
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No that makes complete sense.  Now is not the time for her to be a part of that.

Refurbished
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:25 PM
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They call her by her mother's name?  That's really weird and creepy. 

LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:28 PM
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No that makes perfect sense. She will be around people that can closely monitor her. Sounds like the grandparents need a little help themselves. There is a difference between remembering every year and smiling about the good times and mourning every year like it is happening all over again. There are people in my family that do that and it makes me so uncomfortable. I can't imagine being 15 and having to deal with that.
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E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:30 PM

 You guys are doing the right thing. The therapist will get to see 1st hand how she handles the anniversary of her mothers death. Meaning she will get more help and understanding.

I know this is going to come off wrong to some, but I'm going to say it anyways...

Enjoy the peace in your home. :)

mrsboomtastic
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:38 PM

Good luck to you, this sounds so sad. 

angelmommy2806
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:44 PM
I agree with PP's. It's better for her right now to stay in.
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