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Should I suck it up and be the babysitter always?

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:28 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hello, I'm new to this and was hoping for some opinions. 

I have a 5 year old stepson and I have been living with his dad for a year and a half. We have been married since February. Custody is 50-50 with the week split up 3/4 days alternating.  I get along very well with my ss, he listens to me better then he does with either of his parents most days.

The problem is that I am currently unemployed (furiously looking for work), so I am the go-to babysitter.  With the current schedule, I watch him after school Thursday and Friday. Grandmother does Monday, Tuesday, birthmom has Wednesday. My husband is in school all day, so cannot pick up SS from school. 

So, whenever grandmother or bm can not watch ss on their days, it automatically falls on me. For example, 1-2x a months the bm says she has to work Wednesdays. My husband will ask his mother, but mil often has church-stuff on Wednesdays, or work. So it is my problem. This coming week ss is out of school, and husband told me mil is working. I told him that Monday is bm's problem, as she has ss that day. Of course, she is working, and I am not, so I must watch him.

Am I being a jerk for causing an argument with my husband over this? I've brought it up several times that I think bm should be responsible for ss on the days she has him. That includes before and after school care, and holidays. She currently has nothing to do with arranging plans for him when she is at work. We pay for daycare for 2 mornings a week that she has him, I watch him the other mornings before school (He starts at 11:00am).

My main problem here is that she doesn't take responsibility enough, even though custody is 50-50. We pay for everything, she refuses to even add him to her health insurance. She has nothing to do with his homework, the list goes on and on. Help!

by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:36 PM

What would they do if you WEREN'T in the picture to do all the free childcare?

If BM can't, or wont watch her son, then she can ask you if you can/will, but you should have the right to say no.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:43 PM
I do t watch the skids for BM ever. Se doesn't even have my number. And if I have plans, I do not drop them and SO doesn't ask either. But if I'm not doing anything and I am asked on DADS time, I will.
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Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:47 PM

You and DH are going to need to really talk about this in depth.  I'd advise having a neutral third party, like a talk therapist, to help you communicate without getting hurt.

Present it this way, about the babysitting:
You ARE going to find a job.  People should be thinking more long term.  Say you don't mind in a pinch, but you want them weaned off of relying on you b/c you WILL find a job.  Avoid accusations, it is natural for childcare to fall to the one available.  I don't think they are trying to be mean.  And accusations won't solve anything.  But stick to your guns that when you find a job you are taking it and they need to be ready with alternative plans. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:20 PM

how much homework can there be for a 5yo?

In any case, if you don't want to babysit, say "no." It's really as simple as that. Tell them you are unavailable.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 If my husband was supporting me wholly right now......I'd probably shut up and think it was the least I could do.

QueenBof6
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:36 PM
I'm a SAHM and I am automatically the go to now that bm got a job. I just started saying no.

They did it before me. The fact that I am here doesn't mean that mom or dad should be dumping their responsibility off on me. Sure if I'm not busy I will do it. But sometimes I just have shit going on. Sorry guys.
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AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:45 PM

If she cannot watch him on the days she is supposed to have him, she should be the one paying for daycare, not you. It is not your problem, it´s hers. You are not working right now but that does not mean you have to be on standby because BM doesn't get her shit straight and makes an effort to figure the situation out herself. She does not want to pay for daycare, that is the problem. I´d tell her that if she cannot take care of him on her days, she needs to contact the daycare and make arrangements. AND pay for it. 

Charli627
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:57 PM
This

Quoting AtillaTheHun:

If she cannot watch him on the days she is supposed to have him, she should be the one paying for daycare, not you. It is not your problem, it´s hers. You are not working right now but that does not mean you have to be on standby because BM doesn't get her shit straight and makes an effort to figure the situation out herself. She does not want to pay for daycare, that is the problem. I´d tell her that if she cannot take care of him on her days, she needs to contact the daycare and make arrangements. AND pay for it. 

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november117
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:59 PM
I have been encountering something similar myself lately. :/
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macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:06 PM
Since dh pays for the care whether its his time or bm's time, I would say that by watching skid you are helping out the household by saving dh money.
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