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Kinda hating the stepparenting thing

  I just dont know what to do anymore... Im 25 and a full time student. I have a 4 year relationship with a 39 yr old. He has three girls...7,9, and 11. I take care of the girls all the time. They wont do anything but play mind games with the dad, trying to start fights between us. And no matter how hard I try or how much I love him- I always get the shit end of the stick! I have no friends, and I feel all alone here.  I feel like the only step parent that actually hates being one. But its not always supposed to be this hard is it? I just dont know what to do... AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!   I see all the women who say that they love their stepchildren so much... it makes me feel horrible. Am I the only stepmom who wishes the other parent would get custody?

by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:02 PM
Replies (81-86):
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:48 PM

You are not the only one. Do you have kids of your own, or is this all new to you?? Its all new to me, but we dont have his son everyday. Its only everyother weekened and still those weekened can be nerve wrecking. I really hope the dad will take your side. He really needs to see that your love for him can die down because of the pain and hurt you are feeling. Its a team effort, not just one side.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:33 AM

And there in lies the problem. This is 1000% on your DH. I wouldn't stay in steplife if I didn't have the full support of my DH. He expects you to care for his children, and yet he doesn't back you up. This would be my Hill.

Quoting nikkiblueeyes87:

 I have begged him to lay ground rules.. But he allows them to disrespect me as long as they dont do him that way.

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:21 AM

If he will not back you up, leave it will only get worse as they become teenagers, until these fathers wake the hell up and stop this crap there is nothing SM's can do but leave.  I've seen this too many times to count because the men are too afraid of their children for some reason, it's ridiculous. 

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:25 AM
DF has two young children, and we talked about a lot of.things before we lived together. He has 50/50 custody. I knew I would have a lot of contact with his kids, and I wanted it to get off on the right foot. It did. It still is. But from Day One he and I made it crystal clear we would not tolerate any shit (didnt express it that way, obviously) and have stuck to it. I have free reign in dealing with them and they respect that. Take that away and they WILL fuck with you.
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by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:30 AM

She's right. They need to learn to respect other human beings.  And since respect is learned from watching adults.  You'll have to talk to their father about this and he's going to have to start treating you like an authority in front of them.  Just telling them to be "nice" to you is only a short-term fix and will probably only work while he's in the room.  However, if they see that you're sticking around and their father is serious about you as an equal partner - valuing your opinions, deferring to you on decisions, etc. - then they'll get the picture.

Right now your SKs are in control.  That's a slippery slope that will only get more dangerous as they get older.  

Best of luck to you.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Dude, I may get some flack for this, but  he shouldn't let his kids treat his girl friend/wife like that. Hell, he shouldn't be letting his kids treat ANY adult like that.

I would put my foot down about it, either he makes his kids respectful, or I walk. 

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 5:18 PM
I would leave unless he agrees to counseling to learn yo deal with a blended family.
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