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Does it get better after 6 years?

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 2:21 AM
  • 7 Replies

I have a teenage stepdaughter who is an only child..She is with us 60% of time.  This is my first marriage. no children.. My husbands second marriage.  He always is the one to assume all the parental control.  How do you all deal with being seen and not heard in this pseudo situation?  I always feel like a 3rd wheel and never feel like there is any respect for me... The father daughter bond seems stronger than my marriage...is this it?

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 2:21 AM
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:19 AM

I think it's appropriate for the father/daughter bond to be stronger than you marriage. But I don't think that's the problem. My bond with my children is stronger than my bond to my husband yet we have a great marriage and he is not a third wheel.

I think there is more going on.

why do you feel you need parental control? Can you give a specific example?

Refurbished
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:23 AM

What's going on that you don't feel respected? 

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:32 AM
3 moms liked this

The bonds are very different and there should be no need to compare the two, one is parental while the other is marital, you can have both as strong bonds. Stop comparing, but you should ask yourself if your marriage feels like a partnership, do you feel loved, cherished and valued by your partner? Are you satisfied in the relationship? It doesn't sound like it and I don't think it has anything to do with the child. My husband and I have two children we are parents to them but we still have to nurture and take care of each other and our marriage.

looneytunes290
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:32 PM

The fact that you feel your bond with your husband isn't as strong as the bond he has with his daughter signals that there is a problem.  Many women feel that the bonds are different but if one seems less important than another I would personally feel as though I have an issue.  My husbands ex wife has always claimed that the bond she has with her children is stronger than any she will have with a man and I kinda believe her as she has been married or lived with many men.  Personally my husband and I decided that our marriage would be traditional and our bond would supersede that of any of our children. However we did that going in and for many years we didn't have any step problems.  We chose to pattern our marriage after our parents functioning marriages, and that has worked for us but remember we both wanted that going in, and even the kids were all receptive to it for many years. My husband and I just didn't want a marriage based on less.  I would suggest therapy for you and your husband to decide what you want your marriage to look like.  You are young and have time to have the kind of marriage you want. I'm not saying you should just bolt, but I just know myself that I couldn't be married to someone that I wasn't "one" with. I don't think this has anything to do with being controlling or not, just your need for a real marriage.

Charli627
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 5:43 PM


Quoting leegirl_jm:

The bonds are very different and there should be no need to compare the two, one is parental while the other is marital, you can have both as strong bonds. Stop comparing, but you should ask yourself if your marriage feels like a partnership, do you feel loved, cherished and valued by your partner? Are you satisfied in the relationship? It doesn't sound like it and I don't think it has anything to do with the child. My husband and I have two children we are parents to them but we still have to nurture and take care of each other and our marriage.


TempestRayne
by Donna on Nov. 19, 2012 at 6:08 PM



Quoting leegirl_jm:

The bonds are very different and there should be no need to compare the two, one is parental while the other is marital, you can have both as strong bonds. Stop comparing, but you should ask yourself if your marriage feels like a partnership, do you feel loved, cherished and valued by your partner? Are you satisfied in the relationship? It doesn't sound like it and I don't think it has anything to do with the child. My husband and I have two children we are parents to them but we still have to nurture and take care of each other and our marriage.


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sassy711
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:22 AM

Take some time to objectively think about the issues you have with your marriage and the relationship with your SD.  See if you can delineate everything.  1) marriage  2) relationship with your DH  3) relationship with SD 4) your overall satisfaction with your life.  Sometimes you may need to get an objective perspective  via counseling.  You have to figure out what's "wrong" first, then consider marriage counseling so that you and DH can work on your marriage.  Good luck

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