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WTF?! **UPDATE in OP** **2nd update**

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:52 AM
  • 52 Replies

 I'll start by giving a few details about the CO between DF and his ex.

  Here the court orders are not incredibly specific.  You can specify a few things but most stuff is laid out in a general pamphlet that covers parenting topics. One of these things is Holiday parenting time. It states which holidays are considered Children's holidays and that they are to be alternated yearly. it also states that "parenting time supersedes the normal schedule and is seperate from the regular schedule".  I called Friend of The Court and asked to make SURE I was right and asked "So if the non custodial parent's Christmas Eve parenting time falls on the custodial parent's weekend does the custodial parent get a makeup weekend?" And the case worker said "No, the Holiday weekend overrides the normal schedule for that weekend, the custodial parent does not get a make-up weekend and the schedule returns to normal after that weekend." ok, just as I suspected. 

DF and BM have an amendment in their CO stating that because of DF's military drill weekends often falling on his EOW with his daughter, that if his drill date falls on his weekend with his daughter, that BM must give him one of her weekends in exchange for the drill weekend. 

When making the schedule for next year BM decided which weekends she wanted to give in exchange for DF's drill dates.  In January she wanted to give him the first weekend in January in exchange for his January 12th drill date. He agreed to it.  In december DF's  every other weekend falls on the weekends of December 1st, December 15th, and December 29th.  In addition to that He also gets to have her from Saturday December 22nd at noon until December 25th at 10 a.m.  That falls on BM's weekend but because it is holiday parenting time it supercedes her scheduled weekend and she does NOT get a make up weekend to replace it.

Well, DF got a text this morning from BM saying "I was told to 1st try to talk to u about dec sched & try to civilly work it out amongst ourselves 1st. Cuz ur takin my weekend of Dec 22nd and will have her 4 weekends in a row cuz I had to switch sched for ur nat guard in jan. So I would need either weekend of 14th or 28th. Doesn't matter to me which one"

Um, fuck no. 

If she doesn't want him to have their child 4 weekends in a row then she needs to give him a different weekend in january other than the first weekend.  He does not HAVE to give her a "make up" weekend just because his holiday falls on her weekend and because SHE decided she wanted to give him the first weekend in January instead of the 3rd weekend because she has "plans" that weekend.  The fact that she came into this acting like an entitled jerk pissses me off.  Not to mention She already gets "SD" a significant amount of time more than DF does.  He gets "SD"  about 100 nights per year as opposed to BM's 265 so why would he want to give up one of his weekends with her just so BM doesn't have to go 4 weekends in a row with out seeing her? Maybe BM should try to see what it's like going 11 days at a time all the time without seeing your own child!

****UPDATE**** So DF and I talked about it and he gave her three options

 1. He would give her the last weekend in December in exchange for two nights of his choosing during the week during Christmas break.

2. She can give him the third weekend in January in exchange for his drill weekend instead of the first weekend and just reschedule the plans that she had that weekend.

3. We looked at the calender and there is one weekend in March (because March has 5 weekends next year, I didn't take that into account), the 3 weekend, that she could give him in exchange for the last weekend in December. He said he would be willing to give her the last weekend in december in exchange for that weekend. 

So I guess we'll see what she says. I think we've give her some fair options.

***2nd update*** She responded "Not going to change anything. Your family wont see SD for Christmas and that's on you" Ahhhhh, the truth comes out.  DF does not speak with his mother or his two sisters.  They are toxic people and have stabbed him in the back and been extremely hurtful to him, especially during the time that his dad died of cancer.  He cut his ties with them and they started to get buddy buddy with BM after that even though previously they would say horrible things about BM and treat HER horribly! But apparently BM was trying to take one of DF's weekends to give that weekend to DF's mom, not even for herself. He responded that the people he considers his family will see SD for Christmas and that's what matters to him.  That includes DF's grandparents on his dad's side, his great aunts and uncles on that side, DF's stepmom and his half brothers and me and my kids and my family.  She said "Yeah I can see you have SD's best interest at heart" (sarcasm) and he basically told her that he feels his mom and sisters are toxic and that it is in SD's best interest to not be involved with him but that he respects that BM has a different opinion on the matter and said that if she wants SD to see his mom and sisters that she needs to do that on her own time. So that settles that. No change in the schedule.

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jessiesluv
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:59 AM

 He could give her a weekend, but schedule another one. What does df think?

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:04 AM

It's really hard to explain so you will just have to trust me on this one... because of the way that DF's drill schedule is, there is no way between December to do that without again causing an issue of him having four weekends in a row. 

Quoting jessiesluv:

 He could give her a weekend, but schedule another one. What does df think?

 

angelmommy2806
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:07 AM
What about this?

Quoting jessiesluv:

 He could give her a weekend, but schedule another one. What does df think?

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EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:14 AM

 It's really hard to explain so you will just have to trust me on this one... because of the way that DF's drill schedule is, there is no way between December and next summer (When summer parenting time begins which is completely different than parenting time during school months) to do that without again causing an issue of him having four weekends in a row.

Quoting angelmommy2806:

What about this?

Quoting jessiesluv:

 He could give her a weekend, but schedule another one. What does df think?

 

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:39 AM

I don't understand why BM is being nice enough to accomodate your DF's drill schedule.  Is this something she volunteered to do or something that a judge ordered her to do?  


EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:45 AM

 Judge ordered it.

Quoting KnowItAll:

I don't understand why BM is being nice enough to accomodate your DF's drill schedule.  Is this something she volunteered to do or something that a judge ordered her to do?  

 

 

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:01 AM

Hmmm....The truth is, things are much easier when everyone gets along.  My CO states that BD gets Thanksgiving every other year from 9am to 6pm.  This year is his year and he's picking the kids up Wednesday and keeping them through the weekend (it's his normal weekend).  He gets the same schedule at Christmas every year...from the time school gets out until Christmas Eve at midnight.  This year, school gets out on Dec 21st so he will only get the kids for 3 days until they have to come home and then according to the CO, I get to keep them until school starts back.  And since Holiday schedules override regular visitation, there isn't anything he can do about it.  

However, when this happens, I usually split the rest of the time with him so the kids get to spend an equal amount of time with both of us.  Why should I be a dick and refuse to allow him to have them just because the CO says so??  I've just never been one to see the reason in that.  

My advice to you is to just give BM what she wants.  It's just one weekend.  Get a makeup weekend later.  4 weekends in a row is a lot.  Would it kill you to break it up and let her have one of them and then make the time up later?  


SammyJK
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:09 AM
Id say, bm can either pick a different make up weekend or deal with it. The schedule is that way because she made it that way by choosing that 1st wknd in jan. Is it in the co that she gets to choose the make up wknd?
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SammyJK
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:13 AM
I dont think 4 wknds in a row is a lot. Its broken by 5 days in between each that bm will have the kid. Besides it wouldve only been 3 had she paid attention to the co'd holiday schedule and made the make up wknd different. Bf and his child deserve their time together as much as bm does. It will probably equal itself out the following year anyway. Most schedules are made to do that.

Quoting KnowItAll:

Hmmm....The truth is, things are much easier when everyone gets along.  My CO states that BD gets Thanksgiving every other year from 9am to 6pm.  This year is his year and he's picking the kids up Wednesday and keeping them through the weekend (it's his normal weekend).  He gets the same schedule at Christmas every year...from the time school gets out until Christmas Eve at midnight.  This year, school gets out on Dec 21st so he will only get the kids for 3 days until they have to come home and then according to the CO, I get to keep them until school starts back.  And since Holiday schedules override regular visitation, there isn't anything he can do about it.  

However, when this happens, I usually split the rest of the time with him so the kids get to spend an equal amount of time with both of us.  Why should I be a dick and refuse to allow him to have them just because the CO says so??  I've just never been one to see the reason in that.  

My advice to you is to just give BM what she wants.  It's just one weekend.  Get a makeup weekend later.  4 weekends in a row is a lot.  Would it kill you to break it up and let her have one of them and then make the time up later?  


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EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:17 AM

 The thing is, it's much easier to give a little when you are the custodial parent because you already get an abundance more time with the child than the noncustodial parent does. DF already gets to see his DD a LOT less than BM does so he doesn't want to be just giving up his rightful time with her and he SHOULDN'T not just for him but for his DD. His DD deserves as much time with her daddy as they can get.  He would be willing to just switch another weekend with her IF that was possible to avoid the 4 weekends in a row thing.  But becaust of BM's plans in the next few months (she can't give 3rd weekend in January because she has holiday party at her dad's, can't do 3rd weekkend in February because it's BM's birthday weekend, Can't give last weekend in March because it's her Easter weekend) And then 3 of the weekends in January through march are taken up by drill, the 2nd weekend in january, the last weekend in february, the 4th weekend in March) and then the other 2 weekends each month are already DF's.  April and May are even more jacked up because of spring break, mother's day and memorial weekend and then starts Summer parenting schedule so there IS nothing to trade for.

Quoting KnowItAll:

Hmmm....The truth is, things are much easier when everyone gets along.  My CO states that BD gets Thanksgiving every other year from 9am to 6pm.  This year is his year and he's picking the kids up Wednesday and keeping them through the weekend (it's his normal weekend).  He gets the same schedule at Christmas every year...from the time school gets out until Christmas Eve at midnight.  This year, school gets out on Dec 21st so he will only get the kids for 3 days until they have to come home and then according to the CO, I get to keep them until school starts back.  And since Holiday schedules override regular visitation, there isn't anything he can do about it.  

However, when this happens, I usually split the rest of the time with him so the kids get to spend an equal amount of time with both of us.  Why should I be a dick and refuse to allow him to have them just because the CO says so??  I've just never been one to see the reason in that.  

My advice to you is to just give BM what she wants.  It's just one weekend.  Get a makeup weekend later.  4 weekends in a row is a lot.  Would it kill you to break it up and let her have one of them and then make the time up later?  

 

 

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