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Hi everyone ,


  Maybe someone can help me out. I have read some posts on here about filing contempt ..... So the problem is this... It is in the parenting plan that BM gets the kids Fri @ 4 until Sun @ 3 .... every weekend. Usually on Friday around noon or so BM shoots us a text and says i am working until 8 30 tonight so i would like to have the girls tomorrow morning , ok no problem. It has been this way for 2 months , BM only had the girls for 2 over nights for the month of October and so far only 2 for this month , This weekend she sent the text on Friday around noon but by 8 30 that night she had changed it from sat morning to Sunday @ 9 and give them back at bedtime. This has been very hard on the girls because we tell them they are going and then its no you arent and so on. So ther is no consistency and it is a guessing game every week wether or not they are going , it makes it very hard to plan any adult alone time , DH and I are fighting constantly , Honestly , I am just so angry all the time. So , if she isnt taking them like she is supposed to , is it contempt?? Is it a petty thing?? Oh , we didnt let her have them Sunday , and her texts were all about how the judge is going to take her side because she is begging us to let her see the girls and we wouldnt let her , and she has to work 60 hr weeks to pay her child support and she is going to tell the judge and blah blah. Just to clarify .... She wasnt at work , and she wasnt home my sd gets very persistant to see her mom so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) . Any advise or thoughts would be helpful , sorry its so long Thank You

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:07 AM
Replies (11-20):
SammyJK
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:48 AM
Im thinking her motives were wrong. Is the bm able to talk to and see the kids when you normally take them there? That might be ok IF you were truely just taking them there to visit their mom.

Quoting whatIknownow:



Quoting mommypowerx5:

so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) . Any advise or thoughts would be helpful , sorry its so long Thank You

by the way, this was cruel. I sincerely urge you to think about what you did and why you did this.

I understand how it feels to be accused of "keeping the kids from mom" when in fact the opposite is the case, I was in this exact same position. but what you did was dead wrong.

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SammyJK
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:49 AM
Op, shes not going to be found in contempt. Just doesnt work that way. She could get her visitation decreased though.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:50 AM

It seems she took her there to prove to this 5yo child that her mother was really home and that the OP wasn't "keeping her from her mom."

I do understand the desire to prove her mother a liar. Like I said, Been There. 

but it is cruel to do to a 5yo and there are other ways.

Quoting SammyJK:

Im thinking her motives were wrong. Is the bm able to talk to and see the kids when you normally take them there? That might be ok IF you were truely just taking them there to visit their mom.

Quoting whatIknownow:



Quoting mommypowerx5:

so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) . Any advise or thoughts would be helpful , sorry its so long Thank You

by the way, this was cruel. I sincerely urge you to think about what you did and why you did this.

I understand how it feels to be accused of "keeping the kids from mom" when in fact the opposite is the case, I was in this exact same position. but what you did was dead wrong.


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:52 AM


Quoting mommypowerx5:

so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) . Any advise or thoughts would be helpful , sorry its so long Thank You

so I'm wondering about this... you drove over to the house to show SD5 that her mom wasn't home, but when you got there you found she WAS home after all. so did you say, "oh look what do you know, mom is here after all, let's go say hi!"

Did you walk up to the door and let SD see her mom? or did you drive away?

siorraidhe
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:52 AM

don't take the kid on a drive by to prove that the OP is a shitty parent who doesn't care about the kid.  that may not have been your intent, but that is what a child will conclude. 

keep reading your CO, i bet somewhere in there it states "or any mutual agreement the parties come to".  if this is the norm for bm, then you don't file contempt, you file to modify the CO.  you'd have to keep all of the 'evidence' as well.  you may not win though.  this has only gone on for 2 months, and there could be a valid reason (like an extra job for xmas money or something) and if there is then you and DH come off as controlling asses. 

personally i'd have DH talk with BM about getting a more reliable schedule and not doing the last minute crap.  as a CP BM i hate when shit changes 5 minutes before hand.  i've gotten to the point that unless it is DS staying with me instead of going with BD the answer is always no. 

mommypowerx5
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:31 AM

First  , My intentions werent to be cruel or to prove to sd that her momma is a shitty momma. DH and BM have a very hostil relationship were each wants the other to assume responsibilty , My sd's are 5 yr old twins , 1 is diagnosed Autistic and the other is very delayed and said to be "on the spectrum" , twin 1 is non verbal and twin 2 is just now speaking 4 word sentences , Both very amazing kids with many many issues. My DH is very involved with his girls but he does work 11 am to 8 pm and on call every other weekend. His solution is simple , BM doesnt need to see them so the less the better. Twin 2 will get her shoes and her coat and try to get out of the house , she tells me its time to go see momma , and then there is crying and screaming and that really upsets twin 1 so now I have them both out of control and tantruming , so I put her in the car and drive her thru the parking lot of her moms work to show her that she is at work and can not see her , she see's her mom's car and she then understands and calms down and then we move on . If her mommas car isnt ther (this has only happened a few times) I tell her mommas car broke and she walked to work. We have had a land line put in so that BM can call her and talk to her , BM has only called her once on it , sd will call her momma but she never answers. So DH talking to BM isnt a solution , BM can not come to our house , she has been trespassed by the DA , We meet at McDonalds drop off and pick up. I would never drive them to BM's house to show them that she is home and that they arent that important , that would be cruel. Now , for court purposes I do drive by ther later on my own to document that she claims she was working and couldnt have them but in fact she was home.

deedra979
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:44 AM

You may want to be careful about driving by to see what BM is doing.  This could be considered stalking.  I understand why you're doing it, but you can't really say to a judge "well, I drove by her house and her office on all of these dates just to see if she was telling the truth".  It's creepy.  And inconsequential to the case.

Quoting mommypowerx5:

First  , My intentions werent to be cruel or to prove to sd that her momma is a shitty momma. DH and BM have a very hostil relationship were each wants the other to assume responsibilty , My sd's are 5 yr old twins , 1 is diagnosed Autistic and the other is very delayed and said to be "on the spectrum" , twin 1 is non verbal and twin 2 is just now speaking 4 word sentences , Both very amazing kids with many many issues. My DH is very involved with his girls but he does work 11 am to 8 pm and on call every other weekend. His solution is simple , BM doesnt need to see them so the less the better. Twin 2 will get her shoes and her coat and try to get out of the house , she tells me its time to go see momma , and then there is crying and screaming and that really upsets twin 1 so now I have them both out of control and tantruming , so I put her in the car and drive her thru the parking lot of her moms work to show her that she is at work and can not see her , she see's her mom's car and she then understands and calms down and then we move on . If her mommas car isnt ther (this has only happened a few times) I tell her mommas car broke and she walked to work. We have had a land line put in so that BM can call her and talk to her , BM has only called her once on it , sd will call her momma but she never answers. So DH talking to BM isnt a solution , BM can not come to our house , she has been trespassed by the DA , We meet at McDonalds drop off and pick up. I would never drive them to BM's house to show them that she is home and that they arent that important , that would be cruel. Now , for court purposes I do drive by ther later on my own to document that she claims she was working and couldnt have them but in fact she was home.


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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:51 AM


Quoting mommypowerx5:

First  , My intentions werent to be cruel or to prove to sd that her momma is a shitty momma. DH and BM have a very hostil relationship were each wants the other to assume responsibilty , My sd's are 5 yr old twins , 1 is diagnosed Autistic and the other is very delayed and said to be "on the spectrum" , twin 1 is non verbal and twin 2 is just now speaking 4 word sentences , Both very amazing kids with many many issues. My DH is very involved with his girls but he does work 11 am to 8 pm and on call every other weekend. His solution is simple , BM doesnt need to see them so the less the better. Twin 2 will get her shoes and her coat and try to get out of the house , she tells me its time to go see momma , and then there is crying and screaming and that really upsets twin 1 so now I have them both out of control and tantruming , so I put her in the car and drive her thru the parking lot of her moms work to show her that she is at work and can not see her , she see's her mom's car and she then understands and calms down and then we move on . If her mommas car isnt ther (this has only happened a few times) I tell her mommas car broke and she walked to work. We have had a land line put in so that BM can call her and talk to her , BM has only called her once on it , sd will call her momma but she never answers. So DH talking to BM isnt a solution , BM can not come to our house , she has been trespassed by the DA , We meet at McDonalds drop off and pick up. I would never drive them to BM's house to show them that she is home and that they arent that important , that would be cruel. Now , for court purposes I do drive by ther later on my own to document that she claims she was working and couldnt have them but in fact she was home.

I wouldn't be driving by BM's house if I were you.  She could be taking pics of you driving by.  I would consider that stalking if that were being done to me.  The next time you drove by, you might be pulled over by a cop...that is, if BM knows you're doing this.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:04 PM

I know you explained it using the reason that the kid is autistic, but still, it seems very stalkerish to me. Especially the part about driving by her house to document that she is home. That is very creepy. Do you take a picture of her car in her driveway? Any judge will rip you a new one if you were to try to use that in court. That would work against you, all BM has to say is "they are creepy stalkers' and BAM! Restraining order.

Panda113
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:09 PM
SD used to get super bummed when BM wouldn't take her time. I just act excited that we get to spend extra time with her and tell her to make sure she tells her mom thank you for letting her come over. SD still gets bummed but a lot less than before.
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