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Hi everyone ,


  Maybe someone can help me out. I have read some posts on here about filing contempt ..... So the problem is this... It is in the parenting plan that BM gets the kids Fri @ 4 until Sun @ 3 .... every weekend. Usually on Friday around noon or so BM shoots us a text and says i am working until 8 30 tonight so i would like to have the girls tomorrow morning , ok no problem. It has been this way for 2 months , BM only had the girls for 2 over nights for the month of October and so far only 2 for this month , This weekend she sent the text on Friday around noon but by 8 30 that night she had changed it from sat morning to Sunday @ 9 and give them back at bedtime. This has been very hard on the girls because we tell them they are going and then its no you arent and so on. So ther is no consistency and it is a guessing game every week wether or not they are going , it makes it very hard to plan any adult alone time , DH and I are fighting constantly , Honestly , I am just so angry all the time. So , if she isnt taking them like she is supposed to , is it contempt?? Is it a petty thing?? Oh , we didnt let her have them Sunday , and her texts were all about how the judge is going to take her side because she is begging us to let her see the girls and we wouldnt let her , and she has to work 60 hr weeks to pay her child support and she is going to tell the judge and blah blah. Just to clarify .... She wasnt at work , and she wasnt home my sd gets very persistant to see her mom so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) . Any advise or thoughts would be helpful , sorry its so long Thank You

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:07 AM
Replies (21-24):
mommypowerx5
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 5:39 PM

BM has just recently moved 3 blocks from our house , on a main street on the path to and from the girls school , the post office and on the way to the 7 11 to get the friday slurpee. Until October 5th she lived 25 miles away. DH had brought up to the judge last time about how much time she misses and she told the judge she has to work to pay her bills and child support , and the judges question to DH was can you prove she wasnt working . This next trip to court DH is asking for every other weekend , But in Oregon your child support is based on how many overnights in a month as well as income , BM is constantly trying to get the child support lowered , So she will committ to taking them 27% on paper, but cancel's out a few hrs before, DH has tried to get the judge to waive the child support. I do not take pictures and I am not trying to be stalkerish. We live in a small town and since she has moved in to town we see her at stop lights and such , which then leads to sd saying she wants to go see momma , so I have been trying to only go out when I know she is working . Because of the Autism we live a very routined life , not taking the same routes we always take causes some tantrums and ruines the outing. The times that we have ran into BM at places , the girls want to go with her and BM tells them that she is busy , or she has to go to work or she is sick , I then tell them that we are going to do something that I know will change ther mind , last time it was lets go get a slurpee .

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 6:15 PM


Quoting mommypowerx5:

BM has just recently moved 3 blocks from our house , on a main street on the path to and from the girls school , the post office and on the way to the 7 11 to get the friday slurpee. Until October 5th she lived 25 miles away. DH had brought up to the judge last time about how much time she misses and she told the judge she has to work to pay her bills and child support , and the judges question to DH was can you prove she wasnt working . This next trip to court DH is asking for every other weekend , But in Oregon your child support is based on how many overnights in a month as well as income , BM is constantly trying to get the child support lowered , So she will committ to taking them 27% on paper, but cancel's out a few hrs before, DH has tried to get the judge to waive the child support. I do not take pictures and I am not trying to be stalkerish. We live in a small town and since she has moved in to town we see her at stop lights and such , which then leads to sd saying she wants to go see momma , so I have been trying to only go out when I know she is working . Because of the Autism we live a very routined life , not taking the same routes we always take causes some tantrums and ruines the outing. The times that we have ran into BM at places , the girls want to go with her and BM tells them that she is busy , or she has to go to work or she is sick , I then tell them that we are going to do something that I know will change ther mind , last time it was lets go get a slurpee .

I dont know what the deal is in Oregon. But here in NJ, I successfully got my Ex's CS raised by simply telling the judge that he did not take overnights. I was never even asked to prove it.

What you can do is keep a journal (or write it on the calendar) indicating all the times she actually takes the kids. After maybe 6 months or so, file a motion to have CS raised or recalculated based on actual time used. It doesn't matter WHY she is not taking her parenting time. It doesn't matter whether she is working, or feeding the poor, or partying or simply staying home and watching TV. Doesn't matter! There is a line on the worksheet for number of overnights. Period.

So that is what I would do.

rebeccasmly
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:33 PM

Let DH handle all communication with BM. Its frustrating but when you make plans, keep in mind BM may not utilize her full visitation and make alternative plans also. Our BM is the same way so I understand what you are saying. In our CO though, because BM took us to court for contempt (long story, summarized BM got called out) and we had documentation showing BM didn't utilize her visitation as ordered, the judge put in that if BM is continually picking them up late or bringing them early, the times are to change to when she is doing so regularly. Its nothing we would go to court over. I believe it would be a waste of time and money. Also, I know why you're driving your SD to BM's work and I understand, I really do, but it just doesn't sit right with me doing that. Too me its placing SD in a bad position.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:03 PM


Quoting mommypowerx5:

First  , My intentions werent to be cruel or to prove to sd that her momma is a shitty momma. DH and BM have a very hostil relationship were each wants the other to assume responsibilty , My sd's are 5 yr old twins , 1 is diagnosed Autistic and the other is very delayed and said to be "on the spectrum" , twin 1 is non verbal and twin 2 is just now speaking 4 word sentences , Both very amazing kids with many many issues. My DH is very involved with his girls but he does work 11 am to 8 pm and on call every other weekend. His solution is simple , BM doesnt need to see them so the less the better. Twin 2 will get her shoes and her coat and try to get out of the house , she tells me its time to go see momma , and then there is crying and screaming and that really upsets twin 1 so now I have them both out of control and tantruming , so I put her in the car and drive her thru the parking lot of her moms work to show her that she is at work and can not see her , she see's her mom's car and she then understands and calms down and then we move on . If her mommas car isnt ther (this has only happened a few times) I tell her mommas car broke and she walked to work. We have had a land line put in so that BM can call her and talk to her , BM has only called her once on it , sd will call her momma but she never answers. So DH talking to BM isnt a solution , BM can not come to our house , she has been trespassed by the DA , We meet at McDonalds drop off and pick up. I would never drive them to BM's house to show them that she is home and that they arent that important , that would be cruel. Now , for court purposes I do drive by ther later on my own to document that she claims she was working and couldnt have them but in fact she was home.

So she is only speaking four word sentences but somehow verbalized and demanded that you take her to her mom's work to prove that mon is really at work?....

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