Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Should I leave husband over SD

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:35 AM
  • 12 Replies

I'm at my wits end and I'm ready to leave over my stepdaughter. I have a 3 year old son and almost 12 year old stepdaughter. She is manipulative, draining, a poor student, disrepectful and pure chaos. She has lived with us since age 7 but I think the strain she is putting on the family is too much to bear. The family's energy is spent on her constantly and not on our son, and that makes me very sad. Over the weekend was my son's birthday, we had family in town, and she seemed to throw a fit everyday to the point of where she threw a temper tantrum after I told her to be gently with a baby in my home. This morning she would not say good morning to me but spoke to every other adult in the room. 

Here's my point, she has been to several counselors, we are constantly speaking to teachers, trying to create a group of friends for her, pleading with her, she lies daily, she takes and takes. After almost 10 years of this, I sit back and look at myself. Am I happy? Is my son happy? I want more children, but I refuse to waste my life, which is what it seems like is happening. I am still young and I don't want this to be my memory. 

Am I crazy? Should I leave? I'm not sure about counseling, I may not want to make it better....

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
daddysgf
by and that's all on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this

If you don't want to make it better, you probably shouldn't stay.

marinenonstop
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:41 AM
Ask yourself this, this girl has lived with you for the past five years. Would you leave if it was your own child or would you exhaust every option first and get her help? She may need counseling, your entire family mau need to go. I REFUSE to leave my own home and the husband i love over something like that.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
rebeccasmly
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:42 AM

If you can't or won't fight for your marriage anymore then it may be time to think about leaving. How does DH handle his daughter?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:56 AM

Since you didn't mention your husband in the entire post, I think you should leave.

Charli627
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:01 PM


Quoting rebeccasmly:

If you can't or won't fight for your marriage anymore then it may be time to think about leaving. How does DH handle his daughter?

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:03 PM

Where the hell is your DH in all of this?  What is he doing or not doing??

KellyReedy
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:25 PM

you have to do what makes you happy if you want a happy life!

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:28 PM

Where are your dh and bm in all this?

I think everyone needs to take a step back from your sd. She is clearly seeking attention and when she misbehaves it is given to her so of course she's going to keep it up.  Why is she allowed so much control over the mood of the home? 

I'd personally stop reacting to her if I were you and your dh.  Temper tantrums would not be tolerated 24/7. If she wants to be miserable I'd say she is more than welcome to do so in her room. I'd also have a very frank discussion with your husband about what needs to change with her behavior and have the both of you work together as a team.  As an example, the behavior from this weekend wouldn't have been tolerated. She can either act her age or go to her room.

I wouldn't leave my spouse over something like this...it's giving a child WAY too much control over an adult relationship.

LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:31 PM
We must have the same SD. Send her to her room when she throws tantrums, regardless of what is going on or who is there. Where is Dh in all of this? Bm?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lovingflamama
by Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:05 PM

DH excuses most of the attitude and misbehavior because she went through a lot with BM. BM is a waste and will not be a part of any issue, she encourages the behavior and actually told SD not to use the manners we do in this home, that it's not that important. There is no way to have her help. I have begged, pleaded and cried my way through most of it with the SD. Most days are a disaster...hubs just says "we'll send her back." I don't believe that is the answer. Our job is to raise a daughter than can function responsibly in society. She even asked us not to kiss or hold hands in front of her, she cries if she sees the affection. She stole the show during her brother's birthday.

I do believe counseling is in order, it will be very hard for me and would rather spend the money on my husband and I or my son. It's just a mess at this point. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)