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a little odd..

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:48 AM
  • 9 Replies
Dh informed me that bm called him at work today to have me call her. He asked why I needed to call her when he answered his phone. She said because she didn't have my number. He said that's because we don't want you to have her number. He asked her what she wanted. Finally she said she needed to apologize for not meeting me at the school this past Friday. He said he would pass the message on. Again she wanted the number. Again he said no, he would be happy to relay the message but I was no longer involving myself to the point she and I had to call each other.

All of this has been explained to her. By me and by him. It was just too much. I was too involved and they relied on me way too much. Then when it came down to getting SD help, I was the mean one because they didn't know what to do but didn't want to commit her like the Dr said and I agreed with him. I was tired of SD playing us against one another and constantly having to call bmto "talk" about it. I was just tired. I just needed a breal from the whole situation.

She acted like she understood. Dh is supportive of my decision. The stress was taking a toll. Now I am just worrying as to why she feels like she needs to be able to contact me. Every time we spoke she made sure to tell me all the reasons why she had to call Dh. So I would just so OK well call him. It was pointless to tell me what u r going to tell him. We discuss everything. I prefer u to call him and bypass me because I don't want to deal with it.
This isn't the first time she brought up not having my number. I just don't see the point in why she feels she needs it.
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by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:48 AM
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Replies (1-9):
SammyJK
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:50 AM
4 moms liked this
She wants to apologize to try to smooth things over and get you back in the mix to help out betcha!
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Tigress22304
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by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:04 AM

I agree with what Sammy says

sassy711
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:17 AM

Ditto.  Sounds like she's finally realizing how much you did, not just for SD but also for the BM.  Sometimes you just don't appreciate something 'til it's gone.  Don't let her guilt you.  You've done and done and now you are done.  BM should have thought about that before she took you and all your help for granted. 

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Yep.

If she was truly apologetic for her behavior she would accept that you do not want her to have your number, leave the message with dh, and move on.

Removing yourself from contact is a smart idea when you are dealing with a volatile person.


Quoting SammyJK:

She wants to apologize to try to smooth things over and get you back in the mix to help out betcha!

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angelmommy2806
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:25 AM
Oh well. She doesn't need to call you when she can get ahold of Dh.
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:27 AM

It sounds like you used to talk to her all the time, then you made the decision not to talk to her anymore (which is understandable based on the issues you were having), but from her point of view, the reason you won't talk to her is unclear. She probably thinks you're mad at her.

I would suggest, allowing her to talk to you "socially", but just declining any conversation about the kids (in terms of making plans, transportation, etc.).

You can call her back from your DH's phone and chat, which will allow her to see you are not mad at her, while still protecting her from having your number.

LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:52 AM
I may do this, but then again....

We had a long discussion in therapy on this whole subject. It was explained to bm, SD and the therapist. The therapist even explained it to her. The problem is I am mad. Well I was, not so much anymore. I was mad that I let them use me so they would not have to speak to each other. More so Dh wouldn't have to speak to her because she generally doesn't talk when they are on the phone or around each other. She just sits there, like she is in a different world. Then he gets pissed.

I just feel like after over 10 years, they need to communicate. Their daughter knows bm doesn't communicate with Dh . She uses this to play them. I told them both that everything I said would happen, has happened and I didn't feel like they were doing anything. They are going to lose her and she will become some sort of statistic. It is so frustrating for them to give me so much control for so long and when shit gets hard, shoot me down because of what everyone will think. Well if your kid or anyone else you love and care for needs help, they need help. So I feel like I have done what I can do and can honestly say I tried. They don't like my theory so they need to figure it out. Dh and I have 2 boys and another blessing on the way. I need to focus on the welfare of those 3 and how they are affected by all of this. Dh and bm need to focus on making there daughter a productive member of society.


Quoting whatIknownow:

It sounds like you used to talk to her all the time, then you made the decision not to talk to her anymore (which is understandable based on the issues you were having), but from her point of view, the reason you won't talk to her is unclear. She probably thinks you're mad at her.

I would suggest, allowing her to talk to you "socially", but just declining any conversation about the kids (in terms of making plans, transportation, etc.).

You can call her back from your DH's phone and chat, which will allow her to see you are not mad at her, while still protecting her from having your number.


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LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:54 AM
Thank you ladies for the feedback. I always welcome opinions and others points of view. You never know what you don't "see" when you are involved in a situation.
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SammyJK
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:20 PM
Aint that thw truth!?!

Quoting LittleMama2012:

Thank you ladies for the feedback. I always welcome opinions and others points of view. You never know what you don't "see" when you are involved in a situation.
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