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At my wits end with stepkids & their bio mom

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:32 AM
  • 48 Replies
Hello, I'm Erin 34 with two stepdaughters and two little boys of my own. I'm at my wits end and ready to leave this situation.

So my stepkids bio mom is 33 and up until last week living in her moms house. She was evicted because about 8 months ago she moved in her bf and his kids w/o asking her mom and now the house is getting destroyed. So since her family cut off paying her bills and giving her $$$ we are the lucky next victims. She is highly nasty and vindictive sending me texts I'm a "dumb b*tch."

Her history is she has never paid any bills. Doesn't work except driving her bf around to his job. They supposedly have no money and are now pursuing us for child support because they are going on emergency tanf here and she is trying to get free housing.

Our custody agreement is 50/50. The last two months we have had then about 2 days a week because of work. Prior to that we had then 5/6 days a week. But because she has filed for tanf, and told them she has them ft, I researched and she can still get support money because she is on emergency assistance. This is really going to cause problems because we are on an extremely tight budget as is.

So because she became homeless we of course took the girls, planning to keep them ft until we figured out was going on. Well the girls are super too-faced and one of them reported to their mom we were taking their biomom to court for full custody. Which was a hypothetical conversation that biomoms mom was really pushing on me. Of course at the times the children were completely on our side because they realize their mom is losing it or so they say. But I should have listened to my inner voice and told the grandma this was not an appropriate conversation in from of them. So my bad.

Then a few days later I was having another hypothetical conversation with Hubby while dropping off Youngest stepdaughter at school. We were conversing if we did indeed apply for custody we'd need to move the girls to a closer school. So youngest stepdaughter reported all of the above to her mom who took them (who knows where since she has no house) and started floading my husbands phone with nasty texts that they are banned from him. Playing games. This has been going on for 3 days now. Which he then turns and yells at me.

How does this homeless can't pay any bills wanting to not grow up child have any say? She's got my husband wrapped around her finger because of her nasty mouth and I'm a "bipolar monster." No I don't have bipolar. If anything I have been too involved and too nice in this situation.

I don't know any other stepmoms who drove 2 hrs to pick up their husbands kids. I don't know any other stepmoms who buy all their stepkids birthday/Christmas presents.

So I've decided with this latest two-facedness I can't be involved with them. This has happened before where they whined to mommy because they didn't like that my dad visited and bought my son a big boy bedroom set. Was I supposed to tell my dad to buy them stuff too?

I'm Ready to leave this situation. The bio mom
Is insane and I haven't even delved into the oldest behavior problems (kicking our furniture).

Please help me! I don't think it's fair I'm getiing yelled at by my husband she can get away with calling me a fucking bitch etc.
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
meerkat101
by Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:27 AM
4 moms liked this
On your feeling that the skids are "two-faced"...

I would suggest that you stop all "hypothetical" discussions in front of the kids.
Kids don't understand "hypothetical" - and of course she is going to tell her mom that you want her to change schools.
YOU and DH spoke about moving schools - how was she supposed to interpret it?

And moaning about one getting a gift and not the other - normal.....

In all honesty - I think YOU are ALSO being unfair.....
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AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:49 AM
2 moms liked this

This. 

A judge will not be happy when he finds out you are discussing legal issues in front of the children. "Hypothetical" or not, this whole thing is your fault, not the child´s. Sd´s BM has been warned several times not to involve SD in legal discussions. My SD knew EVERYTHING that was going on, what the court orders said etc. BM left out all the shit she said about SD in court though, she only emphasized and also lied about why my husband did certain things, such as taking her to court to see his child, and lately making her pay child support for SD. 

Conversations about legal issues should be held in private without any children being present. What do you expect if they hear all of this? Of course they will tell their mother because they don´t know what to do with the information. 

You are the adult. Act like one. 

Quoting meerkat101:

On your feeling that the skids are "two-faced"...

I would suggest that you stop all "hypothetical" discussions in front of the kids.
Kids don't understand "hypothetical" - and of course she is going to tell her mom that you want her to change schools.
YOU and DH spoke about moving schools - how was she supposed to interpret it?

And moaning about one getting a gift and not the other - normal.....

In all honesty - I think YOU are ALSO being unfair.....


FloridaMomma
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 4:43 AM
You are the cause of your own problems.
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MommySabs
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 6:05 AM
Stop talking in front of the kids! You are your own worst enemy. You need to back away from the situation and get some perspective on it. They aren't 2-faced they are kids. You knew you shouldn't be talking about it and continued to and then did it again.
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SammyJK
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:37 AM
You should be having those converations away from the kids.
Your dh sounds like a douche. You stay why??
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:42 AM
1 mom liked this

Why is it not ok to talk about custody with Grandma in front of the girls but it is ok to talk to DH about it in front of them?  You are talking about taking this woman's kids.  Of course she is going to freak out!


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:47 AM
1 mom liked this

this.

OP, leave this family. these "two-faced" girls really would be better off without you.

Quoting AtillaTheHun:

this whole thing is your fault, not the child´s. 

angelmommy2806
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:26 AM
You Never have conversations like that in front of the kids. Dh and I made that mistake and it's something we won't repeat. And if you're so miserable in the situation it may be best for everyone if you stepped away.
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Refurbished
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this

"Well the girls are super too-faced and one of them reported to their mom we were taking their biomom to court for full custody."

Children should NEVER be expected to keep secrets, hide information or side with one parent over the other.  Mom could be prodding her for information, and you can't blame the child if they answer their parent.  This is why guilt is a huge problem with children of divorce.  If you refuse to answer your parent's questions, you are being disobedient to one parent.  If you do answer, you are being a traitor to the other.  DO NOT put any child in this situation.  IMO it's child abuse.  Any info you don't want the other side to know should never be discussed with or in front of the children. 

LittleMama2012
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Never ever have such conversations in front of the kids. Dh and I don't even discuss important things in front of or within hearing of our boys and they are almost 4 and 1. That is the main issue here. That caused all of this.
You need to disengage from bm and Dh and anything that includes their children. You are too involved. I made this mistake so I know. Let him talk to bm. Let him pick them up. Let him deal with it all. Only give an opinion if he asks for it and only when the kids aren't around.
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