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do you think bf is right? cs related.

My dd1s bio dad emailed me a few minutes ago. Asked me if I called the child support office on him because hes 4 months almost 5 late on his child support. I told him I havent called child support since august(the first month I noticed I didnt get anything). And he told me I was being an asshole. His exact words were(copy and pasted) "kiana u n yo husband both wrk and my wife n i r goin thru somethin n i cnt afford $400 a month for one of my kids. I have three so i have to make it evenly. I no kenadi my oldest but u need to wrk wit me on this. Call child support n lower it for me." Lol I read that and started laughing because 1. He called me in july and asked me to cut him off cs and to just call him and ask for money anytime kenadi' needed something. And I told him no. 2. When he called in july I told him to go down to cs office and petition to lower it and he said he didnt feel like going down there(he stays in the state our cs case is in, I dont). 3. I told him if he scheduled the cs case date. That I would just ask the judge if he could just pay for her extra curriculers(sp) every month which is $76 for gymnastics, and $370 in march for cheer, plus $100 in august for her competition. So he would only be paying $76 a month til march, $370 in march then back down to $76 from april til august, then $100 in august, then back down to $76. He said NO because he doesnt want to be paying for her to do extra curriculors(sp) and his other kids arent in any. And last but not least 4. He only has 2 bio children. My dd and his other dd by his wife. He is choosing to support his wifes son. Just like my dh is choosing to support kenadi'. So my dh isnt looking for a way out of paying for kenadi'. Thats like dh saying kenadi' cant do extra curriculors(sp) if kaylah(dh and my dd) doesnt.

So my question is. Am I wrong here? What is your take on this situation?
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by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 3:21 AM
Replies (11-20):
SammyJK
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:49 AM
I think you need to stop communicating with him about cs altogether. Let the system handle it. You keep the bullshit goin by talking to him about it. Seems like you have the same problem over and over with him. This is how to avoid it: STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT IT!
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kristinbugg
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:19 AM
You're not wrong. His other children and how he supports them isn't your problem. He shouldn't have had more children if he couldn't support them and your child shouldn't have less because of BD's mistakes.
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Nov. 25, 2012 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Your ex needs to MAN UP and call CSA himself to see if he can have support lowered.  What a jackass, and as far as him having THREE kids to support now, well maybe he should have thought twice about having 2 more.  His other two kids aren't your problem, they are his.

OregonMom80
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Your ex is ridiculous!  This is like BM telling DH that even if DH had DSS 1/2 time, he should pay full support because she needs it since she's supporting 3 other kids (her bf barely works ever and 2 of the 3 kids aren't even BM's).  So, now it is apparently DH's responsibility to help support 3 kids that aren't his because BM made bad choices and DH married a wife who makes more than BM & bf combined?

I don't understand the mentality of these people.  Like I told DH when we first started dating, I get it when men are pissed about paying alimony, but not CS.  I don't get how people can think it is ok to not support their kids.  Saw a study the other day that said that EOWE dads usually quit paying CS w/o enforcement within 3 years and moms without custody usually don't pay at all w/o enforcement.  Very sad.

Enforce CS - you aren't being mean or anything else your ex might tell you and you aren't doing it for yourself.  You are doing it so your child can have the life they deserve to have.  Just like technically BM is supposed to pay 1/2 of ECs, but she just won't put DSS in them if she has to, so we'd rather pay 100% of the cost than have DSS miss out on experiences he deserves to have.  Don't let your child go without a normal childhood just because your ex is a jerk.  Best of luck to you!

Mommyof5247
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 3:28 PM
This sounds very true. He probably knows that he doesn't have a chance of getting it lowered by doing the paperwork himself.

Quoting LittleMama2012:

No you are not wrong. It seems as though he wants it lowered and he doesn't want to do the work to get it lowered. That is just lazy considering you are willing to work with him on it and he would pay far less. So looks like he would rather end up going to jail for backchild support than to go file some papers and see a judge.
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Refurbished
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 5:30 PM

Child support is roughly 25% of his income.  Some states factor in how much time each parent has with the child and who pays for medical insurance.  Other than that, nothing else really matters. 

If it were me, I would tell him to work it out with the DOR.

PinkButterfly66
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 5:34 PM

Gee your x-husband is an idiot.  You offered to lower his CS amount and he said NO!  I'd have no sympathy for him AT ALL.

lazyd
by New Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:46 PM

Your ex is just lazy and he knows if he goes to the CS office that they would probably arrest him or take his license away cuz he owes so much money.  It is up to the courts to decide CS payments & if your ex is havin hardships the courts need to decide that.  You are not wrong & i would stand up for your DD, if she wants the extra "stuff" than that is ok.  Its NOT your fault that he doesnt make enough so that his other "kids" cant do any extra "stuff".  I would actually report him to CS. 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:26 PM

I'm going thru this now with DD8's sperm donor-I refuse to do his dirty work-I told him if he wanted to get the CS lowered-HE HAS TO CALL. (he lost his job/his wife left him/he became homeless)

instead of dealing with it-he's just working under the table-letting CS rack up. (We're heading to court soon enough)

You didn't do anything wrong. BF should suck it up-and accept the fact he's got 2 children to support.

It's great your DH helps you with your child-but realistically-he doesn't have to.

luvmykids08_10
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 9:08 PM
And that's what I tell him. But he's words are... "well my daughter was there before you got married. So once he decided to marry you he decided to take care of our daughter too." After that I just hang up and stop talking to him.


Quoting Tigress22304:

I'm going thru this now with DD8's sperm donor-I refuse to do his dirty work-I told him if he wanted to get the CS lowered-HE HAS TO CALL. (he lost his job/his wife left him/he became homeless)

instead of dealing with it-he's just working under the table-letting CS rack up. (We're heading to court soon enough)

You didn't do anything wrong. BF should suck it up-and accept the fact he's got 2 children to support.

It's great your DH helps you with your child-but realistically-he doesn't have to.


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