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Parental Abuse...I feel like I am alone :'(

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I have been suffering physical abuse from my DSS8 for years now. Its progressively getting worse. Sunday he decided that its time for me to die. He wants to kill me. My DH ended having to call of work for a couple of days while we desperately tried to get help. We finally had him admitted back into the mental hospital here. This is his third stay in 6months. He told the Dr he wants me to die and he will kill me the next chance he gets because I stick him in timeout. He has been physical abusing me for years now, but now its really out of control and I can't hide the bruises, whelps anymore. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I feel alone and cant find a support group for the life of me. Please don't bash me. If anyone knows of any support groups PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 11:38 PM
Replies (11-20):
rainmommy
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:34 AM

aww mama im sorry to hear hes like that whats his diagnosis? as much as i am about medicating children with mental issues i thing your ss is a exception to that cause of how bad he is talk to his drs about medication and long term out patient therapy 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Stop watching him-make DH deal with his child. I had to do that with sd11 for a few months-she would kick ppl.

Didn't matter who you were-if she was in the mindsight to hurt someone-she'd kick.

DH needs to control his child better.

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm so sorry for your situation and the physical/emotional pain all of you must be going through. I hope you're all able to get the help you need and things get better for you. (((HUGS)))

notuseless
by Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Abuse of parents by their children is a common but under reported and under researched subject. Parents are quite often subject to levels of childhood aggression, typically in the form of verbal or physical abuse, in excess of normal childhood aggressive outbursts. Parents feel a sense of shame and humiliation to have that problem, so they rarely seek help and there is usually little or no help available anyway.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I don't think an 8yo child can abuse an adult. "Abuse" is perpetrated by the individual in control. You are the adult, you're supposed to be in control. You say he's been "abusing" you for years? Since he was what, 5 years old? You were the "victim" of a kindergartener? 

If he is violent with you, you should not be alone with him. You should not be within striking distance. Why are you putting him in time out? Clearly this child has psychological issues and should be under the care of a professional, not in the care of a "victim". 

Parental abuse is a relatively new term. In 1979, Harbin and Madden[8] released a study using the term “parent battery” but juvenile delinquency, which is a major factor, has been studied since the late 1800s.[7] Even though some studies have been done in the United States, Australia, Canada, and other countries, the lack of reporting of adolescent abuse toward parents makes it difficult to accurately determine the extent of it. Many studies have to rely on self-reporting by adolescents.[9][10] In 2004, Robinson,[7] of Brigham Young University, published: Parent Abuse on the Rise: A Historical Review in the American Association of Behavioral Social Science Online Journal, reporting results of the 1988 study performed by Evans and Warren-Sohlberg.[11] The results reported that 57% of parental abuse was physical; using a weapon at 17%; throwing items at 5% and verbal abuse reported at 22%. With 82% of the abuse being against mothers (5 times greater than against fathers) and 11% of the abusers were under the age of 10 years old. The highest rate of abuse happens within families with a single mother. Mothers are usually the primary caregiver; they spend more time with their children than fathers and have closer emotional connections to them. It can also be due to the size and strength of the abuser and women are often thought of as weaker and even powerless. Parental abuse can occur in any family and is not associated with ethnic background, socio-economic class, or sexual orientation.

Numerous studies concluded that gender does not play a role in the total number of perpetrators; however, males are more likely to inflict physical abuse and females are more likely to inflict emotional abuse.[3][12][13]

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:47 PM

I don't know how to take this post because I'm a little confused how an 8 year-old tells a Dr that he's gonna kill someone and then is RELEASED from the hospital???

What is your DH doing about all this?

Amy1973Potts
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:35 PM
2 moms liked this
Thay would only happen once in my home.

ONCE.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Id leave. I would not stay in a home where I was being abused by anyone. And you're better than me cuz if be in jail for beating that kids ass.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
JacyB
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:25 PM

Why have you continued to be alone with this child? You should absolutely never be alone with him. It's good your husband FINALLY got him some help, but why did it take years? What will happen when he is released?

cailliermommy
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 6:55 PM

Thank you! I did look into this and I was able to request to join.

cailliermommy
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 6:58 PM

First off thank you for your advice. His BM is going to prison on the 10th and we are all he has. I did call a Womens Shelter for my biochildren and they told me since I wasn't being abused by my DH that they couldn't help me.

Quoting Seychelles1409:

First of all, you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.  You are the victim here and have done nothing wrong and nothing to deserve this abuse.  Secondly, find a counselor that you can talk to for your own peace of mind.  Your DH's insurance may well cover this; if not, your community mental health services has counseling available in your area.  Seek help for yourself.  Third, if and when this child is released from the hospital, he cannot come back into your home.   You are not safe in a home with this child.  Maybe he goes back to his mother, a grandparent, or into a group home setting, or maybe you have to leave, but you cannot stay with that child and risk your life.  Lastly, anyone and I mean anyone who has the nerve to bash you isn't worth listening to.  Good luck to you, my dear.  God bless.  


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