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Who comes 1st: You or the Kids?

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:20 PM
  • 29 Replies

I was watching a show on TV and the topic of conversation was surrounding whether or not a man or woman should put their spouse OR children as their first priority.

I am interested to know what stepmothers think you land on the priorities list in your marriage/relationship where stepkids AND/OR bio kids exist. 

I am also interested to know what you as a woman think about whether your spouse or children come first?

Also please state whether you:

have children from a previous relationship

spouse has children from a prior relationship

do you have children together

or a mixture of these?

I hope this is as interesting as I am thinking it will be. Thanks everyone in advance for your feedback!

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
angelmommy2806
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:23 PM
3 moms liked this
My husband puts me first and I put him first. Our marriage works best that way for Us, I'm not saying for everyone.
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PROGENITOR
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:24 PM

Dh and I put our marriage first, we have kids together. Our marriage is important to us and them. We've never been put in a situation where it was choose me or SS though. I've never said to my DH, put me before SS. But I think depending on the situation he might. He did chose to marry me even though SS didn't want him to.

Smiley2690
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:25 PM

what is your situation with kids?

do you have children from a prior relationship?

does DH have children from a prior relationship?

do you both just have children together 

or a mixture of these?

Quoting angelmommy2806:

My husband puts me first and I put him first. Our marriage works best that way for Us, I'm not saying for everyone.


TJandKarasMom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:27 PM
2 moms liked this

This topic has been discussed so many times...

We typically put each other first.  That being said, if something like my house was on fire..I would obviously go for the children (DS10 and SD9) before making sure my DH gets out.  He's a grown man and can get himself out of the burning house.  Aside from their safety and wellbeing, DH comes first to me and I come first to him. 

SD9 and I just had this talk when she asked why DH and I went on a date on Wednesday and she only remembers going on a "date" with him once (it has been more than once that they spent one on one time together but it doesn't happen often).  I explained that for us to be happy with each other which in turn makes us happier parents, we have to take care of each other and pay attention to each other.  Same as the PP, it's what works for us.

packermomof2
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:28 PM

There is no first in my family.  We are all priorities at all times; sometimes my daughter will be first, sometimes my son, sometimes my husband.  My kids were here first and the whole "spouse first" thing is something I was taught in church when you're not divorced... the spouse is there first, than the kids.,  I can't think of any good reason for one or the other to be first at all times.

angelmommy2806
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:34 PM
Dh has 3 kids from his previous marriage who live with us. We're also in the process of adopting his nephew, who we've been raising.

Quoting Smiley2690:

what is your situation with kids?

do you have children from a prior relationship?

does DH have children from a prior relationship?

do you both just have children together 

or a mixture of these?


Quoting angelmommy2806:

My husband puts me first and I put him first. Our marriage works best that way for Us, I'm not saying for everyone.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:40 PM

DH has SD from a previous relationship, and we have 3 together.

Our kids come first, all 4 of them. Their needs out rank mine or DH's. That being said, we also take time out for ourselves and to focus on each other. But, two of our kids have speical needs (SD 12 and DD almost 6), so a LOT of our time and energy is focused on therapy and specialists appointments, and then making sure the other two kids don't feel pushed to the side by their sisters' needs.

It works well for our family :) 

Smiley2690
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:51 PM

Wow...you two have your hands full...I'm glad to know something works for you. Many people could not handle that. 

Quoting angelmommy2806W:

Dh has 3 kids from his previous marriage who live with us. We're also in the process of adopting his nephew, who we've been raising.

Quoting Smiley2690:

what is your situation with kids?

do you have children from a prior relationship?

does DH have children from a prior relationship?

do you both just have children together 

or a mixture of these?


Quoting angelmommy2806:

My husband puts me first and I put him first. Our marriage works best that way for Us, I'm not saying for everyone.



Tigress22304
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Princess with Ms Kara
Wednesday at 6:36 PM
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 4:59 PM

Ok-Dh has sd11 and ss6 and I have dd8-neither of our kids are together...sd11 is bm's dd from a previous relationship.

We put each other first. And the kids are second.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 6:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm not really sure. I would never put him I. A place to choose. Our relationship takes a priority because we think a happy home and environment is better for everyone including the kids.
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