DH and I are more lax in some areas than BM, hair dye being one of them. DS almost 10 is currently sporting a 3-4" mohawk, the top half is bleached and he often spikes it with blue or red hair gel. We've told him if he can keep his grades up, keep a good attitude at home, and do his chores without hassle he can dye his mohawk red when report cards come home. They come home December 14th.
DD almost 6 wants a couple purple streaks, so we've told her the same thing about school and home and will put a couple purple streaks in her hair.
SD is 12, she wanted to know if she could have pink streaks. Over the summer we discussed hair dye with BM and she had said she was OK with some highlights that were just a few shades different than SD's hair, but she didn't want her to do anything too drastic. I'm thinking that kinda rules out pink streaks, LOL. DH has joint custody, however he is the CP and BM has chosen to take SD one weekend a month (she's supposed to have EOWE). DH is gonna email BM and see if he can talk her into it, but I don't have high hopes there.
I'd be pretty pissed if someone dyed my kid's hair without my permission, so I don't want to just dye SD's hair and tell BM to deal. But, I also don't want SD to be the only kid who doesn't get something she wants. I also don't want to say "Well, your mom said no, so take it up with her" or anything like that.
Anyways, if BM says no to the pink, SD is gonna be super bummed and she's gonna figure it out that it was BM who wouldn't let her. I also don't want to tell the other kids that they can't dye their hair if SD can't.
I can't figure out a good way to deal with this situation without it reflecting poorly on BM in some way. Advice, suggestions?