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Should A Stepparent Refer To Their Stepchildren As Their Own?

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:06 PM
  • 49 Replies

LeAnn Rimes, Brandi Glanville: Should A Stepparent Refer To Their Stepchildren As Their Own?

So much for a social media truce. Late last week, the Twitter feud between LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville was reignited when the country singer took to Twitter to share her weekend plans with her followers.

"Flying out with my boys in a few hrs," Rimes tweeted on Nov. 30, referring to husband Eddie Cibrian’s two sons with Glanville. "Love that it's a family tour weekend. It's always more fun when they are with me."

The tweet didn't go over well with Glanville, whom Cibrian split from in 2009 after having an extramarital affair with Rimes.

"Someone is trying 2 get under my skin by calling MY children "her boys" Sooo transparent! They R MY boys, Eddie Boys and ur step-sons... 4 now," Glanville tweeted on Dec. 1.

The Twitter feud sparked further conversation on HuffPost Divorce's Facebook page, where step-moms and bio-moms alike chimed in with their thoughts on whether step-parents like Rimes should refer to their step-kids as their own.

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AshleyM811
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 No. I have a daughter who has a stepmom..and I personally have a stepson. They are only the BM and BD's child. Unfortunately SS's BM is a bitch.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:08 PM

The debate include.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/04/leann-rimes-brandi-glanvi_n_2238524.html

Check out the debate below to see what our readers had to say, then let us know who you agree with in the comments.

 

Step
1

Pre-debate poll:

Tell us your opinion before the debate starts to set the starting line

I would be annoyed if my ex's new partner referred to my children as their own.

Agree - Thanks for voting! Please proceed to read the debate below

Please vote to proceed to the debate

Step
2

Who makes the better argument?

I WOULD be annoyed if my ex's new partner referred to my children as their own

"yes -- LeAnn is being really provocative." -Pauline G.

"Actually, I was very annoyed when my ex's mistress posted on Facebook about meeting up with her daughter (my daughter) for lunch. At the time, the separation was new, I was still married to my ex and I knew she did it to be spiteful. Now that I have divorced him and moved on, I don't worry about things like that." -Michelle T.

"Know your place in the big picture. Step [parents] go away all the time... often because the kids don't respect them."-Laura B.

"only my kids are mine. no one else's. not even grandparents. ever."-Gaylen M.

"I'm with Brandi. I'd be L-I-V-I-D." -BigLittle Wolf

I WOULDN'T be annoyed if my ex's new partner referred to my children as their own

"I refer to my stepdaughters as 'ours.' When I married my husband, his children became a member of my family, too. When they are at our home, they aren't treated any different than our own bio-kids. If the bio-mom is seriously so insecure that she has to flip out over this kind of crap, she should grow up."-Amy K.

"I'm grateful my children have so many people that love them. They know who their mother is."-Apryl W.

"Kids aren't property, and possession isn't 9/10ths of being a parent. You need time and investment for that privilege."-Julie L.

"This is too petty. I would be more concerned as how the new person is treating my child(ren)."-Christine G.

Step
3

POST DEBATE POLL

Did one of the arguments change your mind?

I would be annoyed if my ex's new partner referred to my children as their own.

VIEW DEBATE ROUND 1 RESULTS

Agree - Thanks for voting again! Here are the results:

Before

VIEW DEBATE ROUND 1 RESULTS

Agree - Thanks for voting again! Here are the results:

Before

 73% Agree 17% Disagree 10% Undecidedfter
After
69% Agree 27% Disagree 4% Undecided
10% more Disagree
laughnchica
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:20 PM
Well just like a BM says it HER daughter, an SM can say it is MY stepdaughter. Why is it such a big deal with saying its "our kids"?
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MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:23 PM

I always say the kids are our kids. They are, I have DD and DS, DH has SD. Not saying she is mine, but they are ours. Simple as that.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:23 PM

Rimes is a dingbat.  She cheated on her husband with a married man and just can't figure out why people don't approve.  And to answer the question, no.  Or at least if you do, even if only rarely for the sake of convenience, don't for the love of all that is holy do it in front of the BM.

Edited in light of previous response:  An exception would be if there are multiple kids, both BK and SK.  Then an "our" will suffice versus "my" so-and-so and "his" so-and-so.  But if you have no bios, you have no excuse to use a "my" in front of the BM unless you're looking for conflict. 

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:23 PM

Oh when people ask me how many kids I have, I always say 2 1/2. I sure get some funny looks!

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:25 PM

This is a high conflict situation so everything is an issue, both women continue to participate in the nonsense and the dimpled man is all relaxed and cozy. I thought LeAnn was call Eddie and the two boys together, my boys, actually.


In my situation, I try not to use my with SS, so I sometimes I just referred to him as the boy or the child, I reallydon't want him, I have a boy of my own and he is a dimpled cutie.



Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:27 PM

I say "our kids" because they are OURS-I have my dd-I share my skids with DH/BM/SF.

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:35 PM

 I, personally, think that it really depends on each individual situation and the family dynamics.

My personal situation is a lot different from most of the ones I've seen (both here and in real life) because of the small age gap between me and my stepsons, however, they are still part of my family. While I would never claim that they are biologically mine, obviously, I will still claim them as mine simply because they are part of the family. Their mom and I share that view. I hope that made sense.

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