I know there are some new SMs that come here and are frustrated that more experienced SMs seem to side with BM or "not understand". For the moment, I find myself reflecting on the SM I once was.
I'd been a SM for a little over a year when SD got her first award at school. BM, who had only recently begun to take visitation after barely seeing the kids over the previous year, decided to come to the ceremony. She waltzed in with her mom and mom's then husband and plopped herself down practically in DH's lap. His parents were there as well, so it was like a little mini family reunion... plus me. When the teacher approached, BM was right there doing the whole, "I'm her mother... We're so proud!... Let's get a family photo!..." and talking about SD's hard work as if she'd been there every step of the way. My MIL made the comment later that it was like she sucked all the air out of the room and it turned into the BM show. DH obliged with the photo, never even noticing the "we/us/our". I stood back and smiled through the whole thing, was friendly to BM and her parents, said my goodbyes, and left for work, barely making it to my truck before the tears came. I cried all the way to work. I sobbed into the phone to DH about being the odd man out and about how I'd done all the homework, the reading, got up with them in the morning, did the sick stuff, only for absent BM to walk in and take every ounce of credit, playing mommy of the year and treating me like someone she and DH had hired.
Now I really have to laugh. Was that really me????? If that same circumstance described above occurred today, I'd find humor in it rather than hurt. But if you had told me then to step back, accept her as mom, let DH handle her, and so on and so forth (same advice I give now to SMs), I'd have probably cried some more and convinced myself that none of ya'll had been in my shoes, lol.
Just to give some newer SMs hope, let's hear some stories from some of the more experienced SMs about their new SM moments. I've been at this game just under 5 years, so I'm still more/less a newbie... but very much not the fragile newbie I once was. ;-)