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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

So check this out. My step daughter (5 years old) missed school on Monday due to an ear infection. Tuesday, when SD got to my house, I asked her if she was sick yesterday (with every intention of following this up with "are you feeling better?). Instead, her answer was "uummm....nooo. I wasn't sick." I asked why she missed school and she says "My mom wanted to have a timeout day with me so I didn't go to school." I said "Oh really? What did you do with your mom?" She says "Well, we went to the store, then we went to the mall, buuuut, we didn't get our picture taken with Santa because my mom and Enter boyfriend's name here were fighting."

Ok, so BM kept SD out of school to go to the mall. Lied to her child's father saying she was sick when she wasn't. She's teaching her that she can miss school to do whatever she wants. She is the adult, she should be taking time off from her job to spend time with her daughter on the weekend, not taking her out of school. I just feel like it was such a wrong thing to do.

So then when my SO confronted BM about the situation, her response was "Alicia is lying. She was sick. I had to take her to the doctor for her ears." So not only did she lie to her daughter's father about his own daughter being sick, but now she has called her OWN DAUGHTER a liar. My SO contacted the doctor's office to see if SD was seen Monday and they have no record of her being seen.

I'm furious about this! Yet, my hands are tied and I am not allowed to say/do anything regarding the situation.

Hence the reason I joined this group. I just need to vent.

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 12:28 AM
Replies (11-16):
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:36 PM

Why are you furious? The SD is only 5. If BM is a piece of work like mine is, save your energy. If the issue with the SD didnt directly affect you, don't stress yourself. In the end, just be a support system for your DH when the heavy issues arise. Until then, sit back & observe. While you're angry about the event, everyone else as resome life as usual. 

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 6:39 PM

She is in Kindergarten. Elementary school is critical. Every day they are learning new letters and the sounds that go with the letters. I don't feel like it is necessary for her to be taken out of school to go hang out with her mom and mom's BF and listen to them fighting. 

And like I said below, it is the lying that really makes this frustrating more than taking her out of school. That's a decision that she gets to make, she is the BM after all. But the lying is just ridiculous. I don't think she needs to make people think her daughter is sick and then when she is found out, make it seem like her daughter lied about going to the mall. That is extremely bad parenting.

Again, VENTING!!!!!!!!!

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:00 PM

I encourage you to vent. It's healthy. But like you said, at the end of the day, your SK has 2 parents, and ultimately they are responsible. 

In my case, BM went from lying about menses, to lying about sd having a form of sickle cell, which is impossible if dh is the father; to now lying about the child still attending school and needs uniforms, when in fact the child has been withdrawn and is in "homeschool". So the lying, no matter how many times you catch her in them, is not going to cease. Sd is almost 18 & the lies get more fantastic.

Point is, pick and chose your battles. Some are worth the effort, others are not. Don't get too frustrated bc at your sd's age, you have a LONG way to go. Staying happy & healthy in your relationship is paramount. Too many times, the focus is on BM & what she is/isn't doing for her kids and other issues go by the wayside. I care for my SDs too, but if it is found that sd's living conditions, obesity, & lack of schooling, and other issues are not detrimental & BM is a good parent in the eyes of the court, so be it. 

I have supported DH and will continue to, but I will not dwell on the obvious, that BM's parenting sucks. For all I know, she may feel the same way about me.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I would be mad too! Dh and I are tring to install values in all the children, skids and bio. Education is one of them. When we got the kids it seemed that it was no big deal to them to miss school. Now they go everyday and are getting cought up to grade level. Homework is still a struggle. We have it set up if they are not in school the school calls me. So even as a sp I know how you feel. There welfare and education are very important to my dh there for it is important to me.
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by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:12 PM

Thank you for understanding :)

by Bronze Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:19 PM
Yeah, BMs like that suck, unfortunately being SM, you have no say in it. Of course if the school questions you or your SO you guys can tell them your side. I have taken my child out of school for a day when he wasn't sick to do something fun, but I also didn't lie about it to BF, I don't do it often and I have the right to do it if I want, I'm the mom.
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