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now i remember why i left

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 12:35 AM
  • 143 Replies
I'll try to make this short.

I started planning for xmas around September and put an Ipad on layaway for my oldest son. He has been using it during school and the teacher said she thought he would benefit from using it at home so I figured it would be perfect. I'm not rich so I called BF and asked him BEFORE I put it on layaway if he would help out. He said yes and we were working together to get it paid.

Today he picked up the form to take with to pay with and I reminded him that next week it had to be paid by then and I needed to go with so I could bring it home. There is no formal CO but both our boys stay with me and he gets weekends. He asked why it wouldn't go to his house and I gave him my reasons. One, his cousin lives there and is very sneaky. I don't trust my stuff there with him there. Ex even hates how he treats his belongings so why would an ipad be any different. Two, everytime clothes come back over from there, they are stained because he is a lazy slob.

We get into a fight and he leaves. He says he's not paying anymore if it's not allowed of there and he wants his share back. I told him I would pay the remaining balance and just call it a day. By this point I have put in around $250 and his share is about $100. He refuses so my fiance said hell with it gave me the remaining balance and told me just get it so this can be over.

I get to Walmart to pick it up only to find out ex came in ten minutes before to tell them he couldn't afford to finish the payments, cancels the account, and cashes out the money that was put on the balance.

I literally had to tell myself to make it to the car before I broke down crying or else I would have had a public meltdown. I get home and fiance said ex had stopped by to dropp if $200 and then I got a text from ex saying i know have my share back.

So three weeks before xmas I'm struggling to find a way to finish what I started. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid :/ I just don't understand why someone would want to put a hurdle in front of their child's xmas because they wanted equal time with the ipad. He even said i only want it that way because I'm buying it for myself. Eye roll. Im renting a computer until tax time because i need one for school. I'm just frustrated with him that I needed to vent i guess. Being 34 weeks preggo doesn't help with my emotions either :/
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by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 12:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
drakemom1
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 12:36 AM
Definitely did not make that short lol
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drakemom1
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 12:49 AM
Huge lesson learned. Fiance said he now knows why I'm so protective and secretive with my money. Ex and I were getting along great so I didn't think twice about putting him as a second name on the account. Huge mistake on my part but yes I have definitely learned my lesson.


Quoting Nature_girl:

 My ex consistantly reminds me of why I left him.


Let this be a lesson learned for you. Let ex have his time and things with the kids, but do what ever you are going to do on your own. Avoiding this type of thing in the future.


I do think he is a jackass.


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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 12:58 AM
Oh girl I've been there. It was for a birthday party though for dd. we planned it, we agreed to pay 1/2, I paid my half and then at the last minute he decided to do a party on his own and not help with the large party we agreed to. Thank goodness for my parents or my little girl wound have been crushed and so would have all her friends that had already been invited. I so know how you feel and agree with above, just let this be a lesson learned.
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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:31 AM
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Perhaps you should have let him know the parameters about it not going to his home before asking him for money.

personally, I think you created this problem for yourself.  How old is the child you were buying an iPad for?

Ktina11
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:37 AM
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I agree with PP that you created the problem by even involving ex. Sucks....but this should be a lesson that you shouldn't rely on him for something you made a decision on. Sorry mama.
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tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:46 AM

What a ass.  Hard lesson  .. I would never rely on him again for something like that.   Hate when guys get mad and take it out on kids.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:01 AM
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Seriously? He is an ass because she asks for half the cost of something and then tells him he will never see it?  And he dares to say no?

She appears to be that nightmare controlling BM that SMs typically vent about on here.  Strange responses.

OP, sit back and think about this more rationally.  And yes, hormones probably are coming into play.  But you can't wait until the last minute to inform him that the present he contributed half to will never be allowed in his home and not expect a negative response.  Why didn't you bring that rule up when you asked for the money? My guess is because you knew he wouldn't agree.  You owe him an apology.  You can salvage this by working something out with him.   What if the iPad gets lost or broken at your home?   You have the power to fix this for your son.  You can't blame dad for expecting common courtesy and respect.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:07 AM
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Honestly I can see your ex's point. I think you should have let him take it to his house. The message you sent him is loud and clear that you don't trust him to take care of it and you think he is a lazy slob. If he paid for part of  it, it was wrong of  you to tell him it couldn't go to his house.  If you really felt that  way, you should not have asked him to chip in. It kind of seems like you were just using him.


Quoting drakemom1:


We get into a fight and he leaves. He says he's not paying anymore if it's not allowed of there and he wants his share back. 
drakemom1
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:22 AM
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The Ipad is for my seven year old. He has autism and teacher said he uses it at school and enjoys it.

I don't want something over there that has my credit card information on it. That's one of the big reasons I don't want it over there. And if it brakes it would be up to me to fix it. He knew before today that I didn't want it over there or it getting shuffled back and forth. Neither one of my sons is capable of caring for it so it's up to thr parents.

I did fix the situation myself. I cut some losses and bought a smaller version myself because that was my son's big present. I'm upset because he went behind my back to cash out his own son's layaway account because he was mad about me not wanting it to go over there. And i didn't ask for half the cost. I just asked if he could help because i know he won't be buying for xmas, just like last year. The least he could do was to help his son get a nice present. Guess thats what i get fir being so controlling lol Except it's not me that would have got hurt. It would have been his son. It's ok though. The controlling bm took care of it.


Quoting pdxmum:

Seriously? He is an ass because she asks for half the cost of something and then tells him he will never see it?  And he dares to say no?

She appears to be that nightmare controlling BM that SMs typically vent about on here.  Strange responses.

OP, sit back and think about this more rationally.  And yes, hormones probably are coming into play.  But you can't wait until the last minute to inform him that the present he contributed half to will never be allowed in his home and not expect a negative response.  Why didn't you bring that rule up when you asked for the money? My guess is because you knew he wouldn't agree.  You owe him an apology.  You can salvage this by working something out with him.   What if the iPad gets lost or broken at your home?   You have the power to fix this for your son.  You can't blame dad for expecting common courtesy and respect.


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rebeccasmly
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:25 AM

I'm sorry this happened so soon before Christmas. Hopefully something can get worked out.

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