Well me and my fiance have decided to get engagement pictures. I mentioned to him that we should also get pictures of his kids and him. He wants a family photo with all four of us in it. now it made me smile but at the same time i had this feeling that i was doing something wrong. I feel that i shouldnt be in the picture cuz im not thier mom and i know that BM would freak out about it. Im not sure what to think. I think that i shouldnt be in the picture with them. Would it be wrong to get a family picture?
It's not wrong. DH and I, before we were married, took family pics with all 3 of the kids at Christmas. There was nothing wrong with that. Now we do family pics every year.
why do you think their mother would freak out? Is she remarried or in a relationship?
also, how long have they been divorced? were you the mistress? If you were the mistress, I can understand why she would have negative feelings about the picture. Otherwise I don't understand why it would bother her. Is there more to this story?
personally, i would not hang a "family" portrait in my home if it didn't include ALL of the family. I made the mistake once of taking xskids to get bday pictures done, and dd wasn't there. we got a group picture. i never hung it up because dd was excluded.
i agree taht getting a family portrait doesn't 'mean you are replacing mom. maybe set up your pose to make the statement that you are dad's addition to the family, not a replacement
for example, have the kids behind dad, and you in front of him (that way dad is circled) a lot can be said in just the pose and positions of everyone included
This.
Quoting momof2ex1:
You don't have to be their mom to be a member of your husband's family. It isn't about being mom. Your looking at this the wrong way. You are not replacing mom by marrying dad. You are just an addition to dad's family. And the children are a part of that family.
I personally do not care that my ex and his wife have done 'family' photos. They are a family. It doesn't make her my child's mom just because she takes a picture with my kid.
Quoting needsupport100:personally, i would not hang a "family" portrait in my home if it didn't include ALL of the family. I made the mistake once of taking xskids to get bday pictures done, and dd wasn't there. we got a group picture. i never hung it up because dd was excluded.
i agree taht getting a family portrait doesn't 'mean you are replacing mom. maybe set up your pose to make the statement that you are dad's addition to the family, not a replacement
for example, have the kids behind dad, and you in front of him (that way dad is circled) a lot can be said in just the pose and positions of everyone included
Your stepchildren essentially have two families. They are part of their mom's family, and they are part of their dad's family. Due to divorce, their mom and dad are no longer part of the same family. To have "family" photos made with BM, BD and the kids just like old times can be confusing to the kids. Most kids would want their parents to be together, but that's not reality. Trying to pretend it is, even for photos, lends the wrong impression.
So no, it's not wrong for you and your husband to have a family photos. His family is you and the kids. If BM would likewise want to have a family photo made, her family would be her, the kids, and any SO she has.
I felt the same way when me and DH where still dating and SS wanted to call me mom and DH wanted us to go get a family photo..I freaked out looking back I wish I hadnt. If they are asking you to do it that just shows how important you are to them and how much they love you. It might feel weird now because you may not completely feel like a family in your mind yet but later on you will be happy you have it to look back on
I'm going to have a shirt made...
- lizziB21
on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:16 AM