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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Well me and my fiance have decided to get engagement pictures. I mentioned to him that we should also get pictures of his kids and him. He wants a family photo with all four of us in it. now it made me smile but at the same time i had this feeling that i was doing something wrong. I feel that i shouldnt be in the picture cuz im not thier mom and i know that BM would freak out about it. Im not sure what to think. I think that i shouldnt be in the picture with them. Would it be wrong to get a family picture?

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:16 AM
Replies (11-20):
MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:34 AM

It's not wrong. DH and I, before we were married, took family pics with all 3 of the kids at Christmas. There was nothing wrong with that. Now we do family pics every year.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:42 AM

why do you think their mother would freak out? Is she remarried or in a relationship?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:43 AM

also, how long have they been divorced? were you the mistress? If you were the mistress, I can understand why she would have negative feelings about the picture. Otherwise I don't understand why it would bother her. Is there more to this story?

needsupport100
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:46 AM

personally, i would not hang a "family" portrait in my home if it didn't include ALL of the family. I made the mistake once of taking xskids to get bday pictures done, and dd wasn't there. we got a group picture. i never hung it up because dd was excluded.

i agree taht getting a family portrait doesn't 'mean you are replacing mom. maybe set up your pose to make the statement that you are dad's addition to the family, not a replacement

for example, have the kids behind dad, and you in front of him (that way dad is circled) a lot can be said in just the pose and positions of everyone included

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:46 AM

 This.

Quoting momof2ex1:

You don't have to be their mom to be a member of your husband's family. It isn't about being mom. Your looking at this the wrong way. You are not replacing mom by marrying dad. You are just an addition to dad's family. And the children are a part of that family.

I personally do not care that my ex and his wife have done 'family' photos. They are a family. It doesn't make her my child's mom just because she takes a picture with my kid.

 

angelmommy2806
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:53 AM
It's not wrong. I would actually kind of feel the opposite, if my soon to be husband didn't want me in the picture. It doesn't mean you're mom, it just means you're part of the family :)
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:03 AM
This is a great idea. We did a horizontal engagement photo. Dh and I sat next to each other, dd in front of me and Ds on DH's 'leg'.


Quoting needsupport100:

personally, i would not hang a "family" portrait in my home if it didn't include ALL of the family. I made the mistake once of taking xskids to get bday pictures done, and dd wasn't there. we got a group picture. i never hung it up because dd was excluded.


i agree taht getting a family portrait doesn't 'mean you are replacing mom. maybe set up your pose to make the statement that you are dad's addition to the family, not a replacement


for example, have the kids behind dad, and you in front of him (that way dad is circled) a lot can be said in just the pose and positions of everyone included


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Derdriu
by Gold Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Your stepchildren essentially have two families.  They are part of their mom's family, and they are part of their dad's family.  Due to divorce, their mom and dad are no longer part of the same family.  To have "family" photos made with BM, BD and the kids just like old times can be confusing to the kids.  Most kids would want their parents to be together, but that's not reality.  Trying to pretend it is, even for photos, lends the wrong impression.

So no, it's not wrong for you and your husband to have a family photos.  His family is you and the kids.  If BM would likewise want to have a family photo made, her family would be her, the kids, and any SO she has.

Lorena
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Its not wrong. My profile pic is a pic of dh, myself, our kids and my skids all togeather. I really don't care what bm thinks of it not that she has ever seen it because she is not allowed in our house. If she had a bf they could take pics with the kids dh wouldn't care.
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Kathleenplus1
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I felt the same way when me and DH where still dating and SS wanted to call me mom and DH wanted us to go get a family photo..I freaked out looking back I wish I hadnt. If they are asking you to do it that just shows how important you are to them and how much they love you. It might feel weird now because you may not completely feel like a family in your mind yet but later on you will be happy you have it to look back on

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