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Well me and my fiance have decided to get engagement pictures. I mentioned to him that we should also get pictures of his kids and him. He wants a family photo with all four of us in it. now it made me smile but at the same time i had this feeling that i was doing something wrong. I feel that i shouldnt be in the picture cuz im not thier mom and i know that BM would freak out about it. Im not sure what to think. I think that i shouldnt be in the picture with them. Would it be wrong to get a family picture?

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:16 AM
Replies (21-30):
happinessforyou
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:35 AM

Take a picture of you and BF for your engagement picture. Once you are married-add a family picture? I'd try to keep it all on the DL if I could. Pick your battles! GL

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting lizziB21:

ya you got point. his kids see me as family his daughter has tried to call me mommy. guess i was thinking about it to much. thanks that makes me feel better.

I missed this in my first response.

I understand how you might question yourself if the kids are trying to call you mom.  Just understand that they're not really sure what your role is either.  Does dad getting married mean they get a new mommy?  Easy misunderstanding.  And the answer is no.  If/when one of them calls you mom, take it in good humor with a gentle correction... i.e., "Silly girl!  I'm not mommy.  I'm [your name], your super cool stepmom!"  Keep your identity as stepmom separate from mom, both for yourself and for them.  As often as you have to repeat that you're not mom or explain that stepmoms are extra people who get to love them, just be consistent and do it.  Being part of your DH's family does not mean replacing mom, and that should be clear to everyone (including your DH).

laughnchica
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:41 AM
We got family photos done with me in the pictures. You are part of the family. Do you think BM wouldn't have her husband in her family pictures?
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GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 Don't send BM a picture. Problem solved.

lizziB21
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 3:08 PM
Thanks everyone! To whatiknownow- they were never married. They were broken up 3 yrs before me and him met. She always freaks out over the smallest things. I took a picture once with her daughter and my older niece (skids cousin) and my niece put it on her facebook. She called my bf freaking out and demanded it to be taken down or she was gonna take him to court. She hates me even buying them cloaths, or toys. But yet I've seen pictures of them and her other babys dad but we don't complain.I try my best to get along with her but she is the one that calls me a slut and other names in front of the kids. I just try to ignore it and do wat my mom tought me kill em with kindness
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lizziB21
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 3:12 PM
That's what were gonna do but my skids are so young they would mention it to her. But my bf said he dosnt care. I was gonna be nice and give her pics of just the kids


Quoting GloBug62:

 Don't send BM a picture. Problem solved.


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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Dec. 7, 2012 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, BM is probably not going to be in any of her ex's family pics and YOU'RE going to be married to him, so why not?  She doesn't have to see it and even if the kids talk about it, she STILL doesn't have to see it.

PROGENITOR
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:47 PM

no

GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting lizziB21:

That's what were gonna do but my skids are so young they would mention it to her. But my bf said he dosnt care. I was gonna be nice and give her pics of just the kids


Quoting GloBug62:

 Don't send BM a picture. Problem solved.


 I would just say we have pics of the kids if you'd like some. There is really no need for ellaboration. Getting family photos done is really none of her business. My sister does family photos and she isn't married to her kids' Dad either but who cares. If she can't act like a grown up then I just wouldn't tell her about the pics at all. Pick your battles, this isn't worth the stress. Even if the kids do tell her oh well. She will with live and so will you:)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

HasNoIdea93
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:55 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with being in the family photo because you will be part of the family soon and im sure the kids are already aware of that. it doesnt mean your trying to be mom its just means that you are trying to be part of the family. I think the best thing to do if your unsure is ask the kids how they feel about it and explain to them that your not trying to replace their mom. forget about the ex for a minute and ask the kids if its alright with them because I dont think it would be right for you to miss out on a bonding expierance with them. Talk to them, you might be surprised that maybe they want you in the photo ;)

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