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Hey Ladies,

So... My husband and his ex wife has joint physical custody of their twin boys. My husband had to go out of state to work and as soon as the ex wife found out she took the boys and refuses to let me take them on my husbands designated time. Any suggestions? I have two kids so the boys have a step brother and sister here and the ex wife is just being completely irrational.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:09 PM
Replies (11-20):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:31 PM
1 mom liked this
If she has rofr than she is within her rights. And with him being gone for whole spans of his parenting time I don't see and issue with her keeping them.


Quoting rose0919:

she has the right to do what she did. does the co state this? 


Quoting Shellmb17:

Originally when her and my husband got divorced, they had the agreement that if one parent couldn't keep the kids at their designated time the other parent would get them. This stemmed from the kids being dropped off with whoever would watch them while one of the parents went out frequently and was before he was even considering being married again. That was over 2 years ago and that is her justification for taking the kids. I had plans with the boys and my family this weekend and she doesn't even care.





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Troubleswife
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:33 PM
What kind of plans?

I know it is hard since you are still new in your role and trying to bond but I would honestly enjoy it. It seems counterintuitive but its not worth it. You will find plenty of other opportunities to connect in the future with Dad there.

She doesn't need to give a reason but I'd not take it personal. Isn't it a lot more work for you to manage 4 kids over just your 2? Isn't kinda nice to let her be responsible for hers and you be responsible for yours while he's gone? it sucks you had plans but I would just step back and enjoy your time alone with your kids. I bet they'd also really like that quality time without them even of no one wants to admit it.

While It's important to include them, it's okay to not. I gave up with that about 2 years ago. it just was too much emotional energy that I wasted worrying about including my SS when it didn't matter. He mostly gets the best of both worlds.

Let your husband deal with it and go on about your life without them. My advice is to not allow yourself to get sucked into trying to be super stepmom and let her be responsible for her kids when she should.
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Troubleswife
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:37 PM
How long will he be gone? All month? A few months?

Quoting Shellmb17:

He is a heavy equipment operator and he got laid off so he had to get a job with the pipeline.


 

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Mommyof5247
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 12:27 AM
There's no point arguing about it when they share 50/50 & they have an agreement that the other parent gets the kids when one is absent.

Just go about your business & maybe ask for a few hours to visit for something in the future. Maybe she will change her mind at some point & offer.
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minimoo
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 12:32 AM

This is called right of first refusal. That doesn't change when there is a new marriage and if she wants to keep her kids, that's well within her rights.

Quoting Shellmb17:

Originally when her and my husband got divorced, they had the agreement that if one parent couldn't keep the kids at their designated time the other parent would get them. This stemmed from the kids being dropped off with whoever would watch them while one of the parents went out frequently and was before he was even considering being married again. That was over 2 years ago and that is her justification for taking the kids. I had plans with the boys and my family this weekend and she doesn't even care.

 


minimoo
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 12:38 AM

Your dh has half custody of the boys. You do not have any custody of the boys. Mom has right of first refusal, so if dad is going to be out of state, it is well within her rights to keep her children home and do her motherly duties herself. How is wanting to spend time and take care of her children irrational? I think you are taking this too personally. She does have good reason- these are her children and she wants to spend time with them. What is irrational is to think that you have some claim to another woman's children when she has every right to keep them home

Quoting Shellmb17:

In most cases I would say I agree with you. In this case when we have half custody of these boys and I am the one to take them to school, make sure they have their homework done and all of the other motherly duties while I have them I feel it is a bit ridiculous for her to act so irrational. It also comes to play that I have two children that are obviously now siblings to the boys and she is going to deny them seeing they boys as well for no good reason. i could see if something had happened to upset her or something like that but absolutely nothing has happened.


saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 12:44 AM
I hate it but it sounds like your screwed! When your husband gets home get a court order!! Get it on paper or find yourself pissed off often....
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packermomof2
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 12:58 AM

Your plans with her kids don't matter.  "We" don't have custody.  One person with custody was not available and the other one with custody was.  Parents should be able to have their kids over the SP if they want them, there is nothing wrong with that at all.  You having kids also means nothing here.

packermomof2
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:00 AM

  I think a SP who thinks they should have the time over the parent is the irrational one.. but what do I know?  I'm a mom who enforced ROFR.  

tapies2324
by Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:57 AM
I guess i look at this totally ddifferent than you do. I would expect BM to take her kids if my dh was out of town during his time. But, im a csm, id be thrilled to get the break!!
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