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Hey Ladies,

So... My husband and his ex wife has joint physical custody of their twin boys. My husband had to go out of state to work and as soon as the ex wife found out she took the boys and refuses to let me take them on my husbands designated time. Any suggestions? I have two kids so the boys have a step brother and sister here and the ex wife is just being completely irrational.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:09 PM
Replies (31-37):
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:08 PM
I would do the same thing (keep my kids while Dad was gone) but I would have let the plans continue. I want to know why she didn't.

Did she know dad was gone and make her own plans thinking shed have them and there was a misunderstanding OR did she not know dad was gone and is pissed because she has ROFR and Dad didn't give it to her like he was suppose to?
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by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:13 PM

Quoting tapies2324:

I guess i look at this totally ddifferent than you do. I would expect BM to take her kids if my dh was out of town during his time. But, im a csm, id be thrilled to get the break!!

and on this note..

I remember when I had been marrried maybe 2 or 3 years, and BM had given DH custody (he had M-F at that time, she had EWE). And DH was going away on a trip for 2 weeks. And BM dropped the kids off to me, the same as she usually did, on Sunday evening. She stood there in my hallway, explaining to me that her son did not like changes to  his routine, and that her daugher liked cereal for breakfast. Then she kissed them goodbye and left... just like any other Sunday night. She expected me to bring them to her at the end of the week, on Friday.. just like any other Friday.

I was completely shocked. I just did not expect her to leave them with me for the week. She did not work (she was on disability for bipolar disorder at the time) and she lived alone, and I worked full time and had two other kids. 

anyway - I mention this because I have to say I judged her as a bad mother for NOT keeping them, and for leaving them with me and with "instructions" as though I was her babysitter. I dont' mind the "as though I was her babysitter" part because I had already been a CSM for a couple years (and knew full well what SD ate for breakfast, by the way). But it really did impact my opinion of her as a mother.

So my point is, I am not surprised that the mom in the OP's sitch wanted to keep her kids. This is what any normal mother would do.

by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:24 PM

Before  I read replies.popcorn

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:45 PM
I agree. Enjoy the break.

Quoting Amy1973Potts:

Think of all the money you will save on food...all the laundry you wont have to do....all the schlepping......

Enjoy the break!
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by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:21 PM

Honestly?? I am usually posting on this board from the position of SM... but right now I'm going to be BM.  I have 3 kids with my ex husband and we have joint physical and legal custody.  We split our parenting time 50/50.  If my ex-H got remarried and he had to go out and get a job on the pipeline and my kids would be leaving me 50% of the time just to see their step mom and step siblings I would say HELL NO.  I WOULD, however, offer her SOME time.  like maybe every other weekend or something.  Your best bet is to be as nice as you can and try to get her to LET you have a little time with them because she is 100% in the position of power right now.

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:09 PM

I'm sorry, but I don't think she's wrong.  I love having my DSS over and DH and her don't have ROFR because she wants to be able to leave DSS with her bf.  DH has me watch DSS sometimes and for a day or afternoon here and there, it makes sense.

It's a complicated situation.  I imagine that BM would try to leave DSS with her bf if she had to go out of town during her time and DH would NOT be happy about it.

by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:11 PM
Quoting rose0919:

she doesnt need to let you have them. the visitation is for your dh not you

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