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She has never met me, and doesn't want to...

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:18 AM
  • 76 Replies

Hi, I'm Maggi, and I'm new here. 

So, I have been in my step-boy's life since he was 10 months old, he will be 5 next month and I can honestly say, I have always loved this fella the way I love my other children. So much, in fact, that when my hubby cheated on me, I didn't leave him because I was afraid I would never see Mauri again. (No worries, things are much better now, we just had some growing to do)
The first time I met him I was just his dad's room mate, I was asked to babysit while his dad was at work. His mother knew that his daddy had to work that day, and that a stranger (me) was going to be taking care of her son for 12 hours, but when I offered the day before to meet her for coffee so she could get to know me a little she said no.
Since then she has consistantly refused to meet me; when he told her we were dating, when he told her we were having a baby together, when he told her we were getting married, when he told her we were having two more babies... each time I extended an invitation to lunch and each time she said she had no reason to ever speak to me directly or meet me. I'm not even allowed to be in the car when my hubby picks him up for visits or she wont let us take him.

Does anyone here have any insight into why she may not want to meet me?

Wouldn't you want to know the person who is taking care of your child, taking a part in raising him? 

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sid1083
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't see why you're so insistent. I have NO desire to see/interact with my kid's SM. There really is no reason. I interact with their father - the person with whom I had children.
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jones_danielle
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:00 AM
I'm not sure, I hang out with my ex's girlfriend all the time. Maybe she grew up thinking that you don't need to talk with the step parent, or maybe she still thinks you intruded. No one else will ever know her exact reasoning.
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mommamaggi
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:00 AM
7 moms liked this

I suppose it's because, as a mother, if I knew my child were going to spend 12 hours a day alone with someone, I would want to know that person.

stacefaceninja
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:02 AM

LOL...consider yourself lucky. It sounds like maybe she is still hung up on him, and refuses to deal with the reality of "you". I dunno. Again, just count your blessings...if she's a clinger, she's probably crazy.

-If for any reason you feel an urge to correct my grammar, spelling, or punctuation, please suppress this urge. You are not important enough to me to spend time editing before I post.  I will just laugh at you-

mommamaggi
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:05 AM

lol I don't know if she's a "clinger". She was a one night stand... I giggle every time I hear she's refered to me as "that whore" lol.

sid1083
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:21 AM
1 mom liked this
So because she doesn't want to be bff's, BM is still hung up on him? That's silly.

Quoting stacefaceninja:

LOL...consider yourself lucky. It sounds like maybe she is still hung up on him, and refuses to deal with the reality of "you". I dunno. Again, just count your blessings...if she's a clinger, she's probably crazy.

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stacefaceninja
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:22 AM

Nah, I said maybe. I don't know all the facts...just having a conversation:)

Quoting sid1083:

So because she doesn't want to be bff's, BM is still hung up on him? That's silly.

Quoting stacefaceninja:

LOL...consider yourself lucky. It sounds like maybe she is still hung up on him, and refuses to deal with the reality of "you". I dunno. Again, just count your blessings...if she's a clinger, she's probably crazy.


-If for any reason you feel an urge to correct my grammar, spelling, or punctuation, please suppress this urge. You are not important enough to me to spend time editing before I post.  I will just laugh at you-

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:49 AM
I always had a great need to know who was caring for my child but so often I've been told that I have to trust dad's choice in caregivers and one of the down falls of divorce is that you don't get a say in who is caring for your child on the other parents time. My daughter has been with many people in the last 7 years that I've never met. Spent the night at their home, etc. I have never been offered the opportunity to know any of them. There is a woman, I can't remember her name, but she picks up my dd from school on occasion when SM can't get there on Dad's days. I've never been notified that she is going to pick up my child, I've only found out after the fact when my daughter has told me. It's just one of the many things I have no control over and I have to just accept. I had never officially met my ex's wife until we were ordered to go to counseling together lol I had seen her, I had received emails from her and she had been to my home on multiple occasions, I had seen her at a cheerleading thing and at a PtA meeting but I'd never actually 'met' her. It's just part of being divorced I guess. I just had to learn to trust my ex and that he would never put our daughter in harms way. I too have no reason to communicate with his wife. I didn't have a child with her so there really is no reason for us to chat.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:52 AM
5 moms liked this
Most of us do feel that way and a lot of us are not even given that opportunity. So offering to meet her and understand that she may have concerns and want to know who her child is with was very nice of you.


Quoting mommamaggi:

I suppose it's because, as a mother, if I knew my child were going to spend 12 hours a day alone with someone, I would want to know that person.


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mommamaggi
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:53 AM


Quoting momof2ex1:

I always had a great need to know who was caring for my child but so often I've been told that I have to trust dad's choice in caregivers and one of the down falls of divorce is that you don't get a say in who is caring for your child on the other parents time. My daughter has been with many people in the last 7 years that I've never met. Spent the night at their home, etc. I have never been offered the opportunity to know any of them. There is a woman, I can't remember her name, but she picks up my dd from school on occasion when SM can't get there on Dad's days. I've never been notified that she is going to pick up my child, I've only found out after the fact when my daughter has told me. It's just one of the many things I have no control over and I have to just accept. I had never officially met my ex's wife until we were ordered to go to counseling together lol I had seen her, I had received emails from her and she had been to my home on multiple occasions, I had seen her at a cheerleading thing and at a PtA meeting but I'd never actually 'met' her. It's just part of being divorced I guess. I just had to learn to trust my ex and that he would never put our daughter in harms way. I too have no reason to communicate with his wife. I didn't have a child with her so there really is no reason for us to chat.

I really appreicate your insight; I think that maybe, because I am a worrier by nature and I've been with him since he was an itty bitty, I was just worried that she doesn't care... I suppose she could just be like you; accepting of the fact that her son's father is living his own life and she has to trust his judgement... at least until she has a reason not to, not that he would ever give her a reason.

Thank you so very much for your response!

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