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im still having problems connecting with ss...at this moment im feeling hopeless. any suggestions?

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:58 AM
  • 5 Replies

I've been with my husband for 5 yrs and we've been married for 1 1/2 yr. i have a daughter thats 7(mine from another) and a s.s. thats 8. my ss is a strong willed child. anyone who really knows what that means knows its not easy. and the smallest thing can turn eveyones whole day upside down. me and ss never really had a good bond. i dont want to sound like a B. but i feel sometimes hes just too difficult and i dont know how to handle him. my daughter is so easy, doesn't argue or snap at me. isnt a cry baby over small things like ss.i guess i feel hes older he should be more mature. but hes not, he crys over the stupidest things if he doesnt get his way. i think he might be jelous and seems a little hateful towards my daughter at times. i know my problem is that i keep comparing them. and its been so long im not sure how i should handle it. ss bm is starting to become a flake. which is making ss behavior worse towards our family. hes getting disrespectful to me and his dad. with his bad behavior i just want to smack him sometimes. but then i think how terrified i was of my parents when i was young and i dont want him to become violent with those actions. IM JUST SO FRUSTRATED! any suggestions? does it get easier?? husband and i are at a disagreement on how im going about this.. he says my problem is that i dont see ss as mine. and i think he might be right. i almost feel as IF this marragewas to evr fail, its would be bc me and ss could never connect. its just been so long that me and ss has been"dealing" with each other that now theres a brick wall btwn us. me and husband rarely have disagreements.. but when we do its always about ss. i dont know what to do.. on a side note its a little hard to spend a little one on one time with ss bc im going through a custody battle with bd. my daughter wants all my attention when im around. i work alot and the kids are always with husband.

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:58 AM
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Replies (1-5):
mommamaggi
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:07 AM

What is he interested in?

Perhaps, if you show interest in his interests, it will allow the two of you to bond... 

complete2013
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:15 AM

his big interest now is wrestling. which that falls under dads place bc dh is a wrestling coach for our kids at a local gym. idk he likes to do crafts like me but then so does my daughter.

 

mommamaggi
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:27 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting complete2013:

his big interest now is wrestling. which that falls under dads place bc dh is a wrestling coach for our kids at a local gym. idk he likes to do crafts like me but then so does my daughter.


Okay, he's 8 and he likes wrestling and crafts... maybe work together on a collage of his favorite wrestlers to hang in his room? Send all the other kids out with dad one day and order a pizza, get some ice cream for desert and spend the day cutting up magazines and printing pictures off the internet to make an awesome wall hanging for his room <3 It's not much, but it may be a great start!

rnmom4lif
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:31 AM
1 mom liked this

 i agree with mommamaggi. u should try and find something that hes into and then do something realted to that to help u bond. i know it can be hard to find time for one on one but it sounds like that could really help.....can u take a few hours a month maybe where the two of u do something together- if u have to, get out of the house and leave BD with dh so u can focus on your SS. if u want to get closer to him i think u have to have that 1 on 1 time.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:00 AM

I think you should stop trying to connect with him, but think of him as your best friend's son. Let his father do all the child care tasks for him. Do not babysit for him. Try to leave the room if his crying bothers you. Don't think of yourself as being responsible for how he turns out.

he will outgrow the annoying behaviors and maybe you will connect with him when he is older.

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