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I didn't see this coming...holy SH** what do I do? EXTRA RED Court UPDATE Blue

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:21 PM
  • 20 Replies

so you understand...

background: BM didn't have SD for the first five years and then we got joint physical and legal custody for the last 6 years. BM and YDD's father got together when SD was 9 mos old. she got pregnant, they got married, lost the baby, she got pregnant, they divorced when youngest was 2. Accusations of mental, physical, and verbal abuse against the married. We were invited as a family to everything for both SD and BM's YDD. birthdays, preschool graduation, etc etc. As well as BM and I colead girl scouts, roommoms, etc for SD. so I saw both girls pretty frequently up until a couple years ago when BM and I got into it over her now ex boyfriend and then we weren't invited anymore to anything and she dropped girl scouts. they broke up two weeks ago and apparently she wants to be buddies again.

today: i went to pick SD up for my ds birthday party. it was BM's weekend with both girls, so i asked where YDD is? she starts crying and shows me and order of protection in YDD name against BM that the father has filed. she has me read the allegations, petition, and OoP. my SD is mentioned atleast 16 times and they want her to testify. the court date is xmas eve morning cause it's an emergency case. BM is beside herself just keeps crying. and wants to know if I will testify. SD wants me to go with her to testify because she's scared and doesn't want BM or DH there.

I don't know if I would help or hurt. and I'm not sure either of them is the right choice for the little girl to be with. if i got to pick it would be the paternal grandparents.

Thoughts? I am so conflicted and kindof confused.

Court is tomorrow morning at 9am.  DH and I neither have to testify. SD may still have to testify, but she said maternal grandma could hold her hand. So I am off the hook there too. although I am still kind of anxious for the outcome.

I got several texts from BM today, that had me shaking my head and thinking wow. 

"if I get (YDD) back could you watch her Tuesday for me. I have to work 6am-2pm"

My reply: Tuesday is Xmas shouldn't she be with your family celebrating while your at work?

"My parents can't watch her. I am afraid (BF) will come and take her from them."

I'm thinking WTH? and WTH would I do?

"since (exboyfriend) and I are over. I don't have any one."

am thinking boo fricking hoo. 

My reply: I really think (YDD) should spend xmas with her family, but if no one else will take her I will be your back up so you can work.

"ty I will drop her off tomorrow when I drop (our daughter) off."

at this point I was shaking my head. not only at her, but at me. because I just let myself get used so the little girl will be taken care of. 

so I am going to go buy her a little present tomorrow so she has something to open while our kids open their presents xmas morning. 

I am seriously beginning to see the BF's POV here. 

any thoughts, comments, etc. 

I'll post the court results tomorrow(as told by BM so with a grain of salt since I'm not going to court). but BM said she would let me know asap tomorrow whether I will have YDD tomorrow or not. 

I honestly am anxious about her court bc her parenting is almost non existent, she is not maternal at all. but the girls are physically taken care of...bathed, fed, clothed. 

and on one hand I am wondering if he succeeds should we attempt, or leave it alone. 

COURT UPDATE: They were in court for 5 hours. BM has supervised visitation with YDD starting tonight from 5-7pm that is her holiday time now. I honestly feel really bad for the family, BM, and SD. but you kindof reap what you sow. I have not got to talk to SD yet and am afraid this is going to get blamed on her. I am severly curious and wondering how this happened when we have so much more against BM, then the allegations I read from her ex. I am hoping this is the best decision for the daughter.

any thoughts, comments, etc?   

Kasi Lynn, Calvin David, & Lilith Jade's Mommy
The Work will wait while you show the child the RAINBOW, but the rainbow won't wait while you do your work.

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommyof5247
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:39 PM
I'm sorry you're in that position. If I didn't have strong feelings for either side, I wouldn't go unless subpeonaed. If I felt that neither parent was safe for the kids, I might go to give my opinion that the grandparents are another option.
Why doesn't SD want either of her parents to take her?
If things do not go in BM's favor, you may end up being the scapegoat again...are you ok with that position?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
jessiesluv
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't believe I would testify, but I would be there for sd if she is asking for you.

I'm so sorry you are in this position, but to me it sounds like bm is trying to use you. Just be there for sd.

Charli627
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:29 PM
I probably wouldn't testify
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mommamaggi
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:06 PM

If you really feel that both parents are incapable of giving her a proper home and the grandparents are the better choice you should say as much; let the court know there are other options that may be more stable.

Amanda2487
by Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting jessiesluv:

I don't believe I would testify, but I would be there for sd if she is asking for you.

I'm so sorry you are in this position, but to me it sounds like bm is trying to use you. Just be there for sd.


This!
....ClvrScn.
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:06 PM

Nope - no way, now how would I get involvd in that drama

weaveress
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:53 PM


Quoting Mommyof5247:

I'm sorry you're in that position. If I didn't have strong feelings for either side, I wouldn't go unless subpeonaed. If I felt that neither parent was safe for the kids, I might go to give my opinion that the grandparents are another option.
Why doesn't SD want either of her parents to take her?
If things do not go in BM's favor, you may end up being the scapegoat again...are you ok with that position?


I think because she is closer to me than either of them and she is scared. and also BM is the accused one, so anything she says might upset BM. and idk if DH would defend SD against BM if she doesn't like what she said. however, I will tell her to piss off and leave my daughter alone and SD knows this. SD is not dumb she knows all of this.

and no I don't want to be the scapegoat. I am actually worried if I am subpeonaed because I won't lie and I actually if I could would do the same damn thing to BM to get SD. but SD doesn't want to live here all the time is why we have never pursued it. we try to do what's best for her.

I am kindof only wanting to go to A) support my girl B)hear the verdict from the judge because BM isn't really going to tell me the truth if I were to ask and not be there

Kasi Lynn, Calvin David, & Lilith Jade's Mommy
The Work will wait while you show the child the RAINBOW, but the rainbow won't wait while you do your work.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:07 AM

Wow... You should probably tell BM that you don't feel comfortable testifying, but that you'd like to be there for moral support for SD.

Quoting weaveress:


Quoting Mommyof5247:

I'm sorry you're in that position. If I didn't have strong feelings for either side, I wouldn't go unless subpeonaed. If I felt that neither parent was safe for the kids, I might go to give my opinion that the grandparents are another option.
Why doesn't SD want either of her parents to take her?
If things do not go in BM's favor, you may end up being the scapegoat again...are you ok with that position?


I think because she is closer to me than either of them and she is scared. and also BM is the accused one, so anything she says might upset BM. and idk if DH would defend SD against BM if she doesn't like what she said. however, I will tell her to piss off and leave my daughter alone and SD knows this. SD is not dumb she knows all of this.

and no I don't want to be the scapegoat. I am actually worried if I am subpeonaed because I won't lie and I actually if I could would do the same damn thing to BM to get SD. but SD doesn't want to live here all the time is why we have never pursued it. we try to do what's best for her.

I am kindof only wanting to go to A) support my girl B)hear the verdict from the judge because BM isn't really going to tell me the truth if I were to ask and not be there


angelmommy2806
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:41 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm with this.

Quoting ....ClvrScn.:

Nope - no way, now how would I get involvd in that drama

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MiMi03331
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 6:39 AM

Wow!  What an awful situation.  If you're there, even as support for your SD, then you can be called to testify without a subpoena.  It's not likely that you would be, especially if she has an attorney - they don't want to question a witness if they don't know how the person will answer the questions.  I showed up to support a family member at a divorce/custody hearing and wound up being put on the witness list.  I did not have to testify, but they made me stay until the hearing was over and I had to stay outside of the courtroom. 

For me, SD would only be there if she had to be and if she has to be, then so would I.

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