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Edited/Added my Responses to all replies-Spin off of Smiley's Post: Just give me $600 and we'll call it even/DELUSIONAL BM

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:50 AM
  • 66 Replies

EDIT: ADDED MORE PER ALL THE REPLIES. Cant reply to all so I added it at the end plus on here now too so you all see it if you dont yourself read every single post.

BEGIN RANT

SORRY THIS GOT A LITTLE LONG, JUST WARNING YOU! LOL

I am just sitting here shaking my head! I'm sorry but there are alot of people out there that are saying that $600 a month for a 4 year old is reasonable!?

chanizen Replies: Last time I figured it out for dd... She costs well over $800 a month to maintain. Not including insurance/ medical ($170) or after School care and camps $600.

It costs about 180,000 to raise a child from birth to 18.

I would have to say that in all honesty sure, if you have alot of extra things that your child wants to do or you want to have your child in that is a different story. If you "CAN" aford it, is the point here. What if you can not afford it?? Would you go into debt just so your kids have top dollar stuff?? Because our life, I am a SAHM/SM. I have to stay home in order to care for DSD on my DH's parenting time when he has to work. If I worked and he did BM would have rights to take more custody from him because we'd have to get a baby sitter and she's Quote "Home all day to be there and care for her". ((Yeah, but you try supporting her on your own for once and see how it is... you'd change your tune! lmao)) I watch SD for a few hours until he gets home and then spends the rest of the day with her, just how it is. (Sry off topic) Anyways, Because I am a SAHM/SM we've had to down grade our life a bit which is no biggie anyways because how we do things as it is. I love goodwill shopping, garage sales, "FREE ON Craigslist" sort of deals. All time FAV is the DOLLAR STORES! I shop smart and cheap and get great deals. I find it funny that most people buy the expencive crap and I got mine at the Dollar store, for you guessed it "A DOLLAR!" haha

MY POINT: If you can afford it, than ya it costs alot more to care for a child. By all means, spend as much as you want on your child if your so loaded.  But, if you can not afford it.... Than you cut back on things and start shopping around for cheaper stuff to make ends meet! There for a 4 Year Old CHILD does not incure $600 a month for Basic Needs. Someone mentioned as well child care. If BMS at home all day she dont have the kid in daycare!!

Also the point being here that DH and BM are split. Where as it sounds to me like "Chanizen" is a Bio mom herself and is figuring her own childs needs that has both parents supporting that child. If the BM belives that $600 is reasonable amount for child support than she should only in "REALITY" get $300! Because guess what? It took 2 to make that child and it takes "2" to raise it! Most child support orders give more to the BMs just because they sit at home on their asses collecting the CS and state assistance. I say the law should be changed and the fact that:

WHY SHOULD THE BIO DAD "HAVE" TO HAVE A JOB AND PAY CHILD SUPPORT. WHEN THE BIO MOM DOES NOT HAVE ONE????? Answer me that one! Not saying that BF should not pay support, What I am saying is that the BM should be made to work to support her own child/ren and not soly rely on the fathers to support the child and well.... the BMs too! Cause... Lets see.... BM needs stuff, gas money, bill money, rent money, toiletries, ect the list goes on and thats jus the basic crap. That doesn't include anything else that BM "Wants" or "Has 2 Have" either. Sooooooooooooooo if BM does not have a job how the F is she buying stuff to take care of herself.... let alone money for her child/ren that CS or Food Stams or Medicaid does not cover? Meaning... if BM gets Child Support, it is not truely child support because if all they have as an income is FS, Med, CS.... How does BM pay for things for herself if she has no job?

Why can't people just tell the BMs out there if they need more money to care for their child, to get up off their lazy ass and get a job? A child can not be fully supported on FS, Med, CS alone! BM SHOULD HAVE TO WORK TO SUPPORT HER OWN CHILD SHE MADE THE CHOICE TO CONCIVE AND GIVE BIRTH TO THAT CHILD! GROW THE HELL UP BMS UNDERSTAND IT TOOK 2 TO BEGIN WITH, IT STILL TAKES 2 EVEN IF YOU SPLIT UP!

Sorry, I guess that MEN have to support their kids while the Women dont have to? Just doesn't make any sense to me.

END RANT

 

 EDIT/ADDITIONAL

Wow, it went from CS to Bashing Dollar Stores?!

I dont soly shop at the dollar store. Granted they do have some nice things for cheaper. If I see something in Meijer, walmart, target, ect ect and buy it... But then I go to the dollar store and see the same damn thing for cheaper! I'm gonna do it! lmao.... Seriouslly its the same thing. Let me say this:

I get the less expencive diapers for my son. They work great with no problems and are cheaper. Saves me some money from buying "Huggies" so I can get other things that he needs. I go to meijer and get diapers for 8-10 a pack...............................BUT then when I decided to get the dollar store brand to check them out. GUESS WHAT PEOPLE?!?! IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING DIAPER! Seriouslly I shit you not! One had a Meijer lable on it, the dollar stores had their lable on it. But when you open them it is the same diaper right down to the last little design on it! Dollar store for some reason gets the diapers cheaper and does not try to screw you like the major stores do! I have noticed alot of things in dollar stores are exactly the same stuff as the major brands. Dog food lets say..... Meijer has a brand. Buy that, then go buy the simalure brand from a dollar store. Its the same Fing food! Like my dad always says "Same shit, different package!" "You are paying for a LABLE" not the contents!

I'd also like to say that no, I do not go there for food, unless we are out of lets say milk and I need it for my son or my husbands coffee in the morning. We live 20 miles from the grocery store we shop at. So i'm gonna have to say that if I dont have to drive that far for a gallon of milk.... and I can get it at the dollar store that is right around the corner from me only 1 mile than you bet your ass i'm going to go there first! Minor shopping at the dollar store is fine but you couldn't buy grocerys and support your family on that all week long. Dollar stores are not ment for that. It is to get a few things a bit cheaper so when you do go to the "Name Brand" grocery stores you can buy more than if you bought it all there. Belive me, try it once and you'll see there is nothing wrong with it.

Example:

Dish soap: Meijer-3-4$ Dollar general: 2-3 ((Brand depending lets say "DAWN"
Laundry soap: Meijer 5-6$ Dollar general: 3-5

So if you got lets say 10 items to 15 items and each were $1 to $2 cheaper... wouldn't you be saving $10-$15 to $20-$30??????????????????????
THEN YOU COULD GO AND BUY A NICE OUTFIT FROM THE MALL!
So seriouslly don't bash a dollar store unless you have the mind to "Understand" that it is in fact smarter shopping to watch what you buy instead of just getting the name brand items and paying out your ass.

I myself shop at 3-4 different dollar stores for specific items that save me money instead of going to just one store. Grocery shopping happens in, you guessed it... a Grocery Store! Getting food items to feed your family, yeah I go to the grocery store and get everything we need from there. But, In the end I save quite a bit of money shopping at a few dollar stores a month than buying it all in the grocery store! All is needed because my husband is taken for every dime of child support BM can get from him.

ALSO, i'd like to add too that just because I say that I am a SAHM does not mean I dont have a job. I work part time selling items on ebay. I dont make much but it helps greatly. I have been doing this so I can raise my own child instead of having someone else do it for me! Plus it helps out my husband too so he can see his daughter. ((Court would grant BM more custody if I worked too and he had to have daycare. BM dont work blah blah you know the deal)) But, He busts his ass every day for his mistake of screwing his ex bitch and getting her pregnant ((Not that SD is a mistake, just her mom is)). But he goes out and does it. I do what I can for the most part to support my own son as my DH has to care for his first child before his/my son. Its pretty bad when I feel that I am doing this part alone because my DH has to support his first child so BM can sit on her ass at home. It was %50-50 when they were together.... so why when they split should it be %100 on BF and %0 on BM?

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pero1
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Hmmm ... my turn for a question: Why should  SM be allowed to be a SAHM and BM shouldn't?

Pero1
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Well, serious response now: BF and I were together for about 7 years. In those 7 years, we paved the road ... we decided in what style we want DD to be raised. One of the things BF insisted on was private schooling, which is excellent, but costs a fortune. There is almost no way to switch back to state schooling at this stage ... unless we are talking shitty school in sink estate.

I personally don't get CS, and BF has stopped paying his contribution (which was always very little) quite a while ago. I just get on with it! Two things bother me though (and I posted about this recently):

  1. If you can't afford it, then don't find another bird and either get her pregnant or take her offspring on as yours.
  2. Since you made the decision to take from your own offspring to give to somebody else's (in every respect, time, money, etc.), why do you think you should still be considered an equal parent with equal say?


Annawest
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:03 AM

Child support is to maintain the same lifestyle the child would have had if both parents were still together.  My ex-husband makes a larger salary than I do.  So he has to pay the difference to maintain that lifestyle for our son.

My son, has the same lifestyle that he had when we were married.  I get well over 600 a month for one child.

FloridaMomma
by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:17 AM
It floors me that a non working SM is so against a BM being a SAHM. That you can't see the irony is just sad.
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:21 AM

If your DH was ordered to pay 600 a month for his child, it was based on a worksheet, and the amount is fair. He should just pay it. He has no choice, so it's a waste of his time (and yours) to complain about it.

If you think the numbers entered into the worksheet are wrong, file a motion to modify the amount.

kellynh
by Kelly on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:27 AM

Can you quote a LAW on that?? CS is supposed to support the child in which should be 50% of the child's expenses, though they raise or lower the percentages based on parental income. He pays a larger amount based on a larger salary, not to maintain a lifestyle. Which state are we talking about? I'd love to look it up. 

Quoting Annawest:

Child support is to maintain the same lifestyle the child would have had if both parents were still together.  My ex-husband makes a larger salary than I do.  So he has to pay the difference to maintain that lifestyle for our son.

My son, has the same lifestyle that he had when we were married.  I get well over 600 a month for one child.




baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:28 AM

 You cant raise a kid from the dollar store. Well, I guess you can.

Annawest
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:40 AM

Maybe the word "lifestyle" wasn't the right choice.  I don't dress my kid in expensive brands or spend absorbant amounts of money on material things.  With that said, he still goes to the same camps, the same quality of childcare, the same higher quality school, still particiaptes in EC activities of his choice. 

But here you go: (this info from:  http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/child_support/)

 INDIANA CHILD SUPPORT GUIDELINES

GUIDELINE 1. PREFACE

                Guidelines to determine levels of child support were developed by the Judicial Administration Committee of the Judicial Conference of Indiana and adopted by the Indiana Supreme Court.  The guidelines are consistent with the provisions of Indiana Code Title 31 which place a duty for child support upon parents based upon their financial resources and needs, the standard of living the child would have enjoyed had the marriage not been dissolved or had the separation not been ordered, the physical or mental condition of the child, and the child's educational needs.

                The Guidelines have three objectives:

(1)   To establish as state policy an appropriate standard of support for children, subject to the ability of parents to financially contribute to that support;

(2)     To make awards more equitable by ensuring more consistent treatment of people in similar circumstances; and,

(3) To improve the efficiency of the court process by promoting settlements and giving courts and the parties guidelines in settling the level of awards.

                The Indiana Child Support Guidelines are based on the Income Shares Model, developed by the Child Support Project of the National Center for State Courts.  The Income Shares Model is predicated on the concept that the child should receive the same proportion of parental income that he or she would have received if the parents lived together.  Because household spending on behalf of children is intertwined with spending on behalf of adults for most expenditure categories, it is difficult to determine the proportion allocated to children in individual cases, even with exhaustive financial information.  However, a number of authoritative economic studies provide estimates of the average amount of household expenditure on children in intact households.  These studies have found the proportion of household spending devoted to children is related to the level of household income and to the number and ages of children.  The Indiana Child Support Guidelines relate the level of child support to income and the number of children.  In order to provide simplicity in the use of the Guidelines, however, child support figures reflect a blend of all age categories weighted toward school age children.

                 Based on this economic evidence, the Indiana Child Support Guidelines calculate child support as the share of each parent's income estimated to have been spent on the child if the parents and child were living in an intact household.  The calculated amount establishes the level of child support for both the custodial and non-custodial parent.  Absent grounds for a deviation, the custodial parent should be required to make monetary payments of child support, if application of the parenting time credit would so require. 

Quoting kellynh:

Can you quote a LAW on that?? CS is supposed to support the child in which should be 50% of the child's expenses, though they raise or lower the percentages based on parental income. He pays a larger amount based on a larger salary, not to maintain a lifestyle. Which state are we talking about? I'd love to look it up. 

Quoting Annawest:

Child support is to maintain the same lifestyle the child would have had if both parents were still together.  My ex-husband makes a larger salary than I do.  So he has to pay the difference to maintain that lifestyle for our son.

My son, has the same lifestyle that he had when we were married.  I get well over 600 a month for one child.



rebeccasmly
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:43 AM
As a SAHM myself, I don't see your point seriously. We have not compromised our lifestyle since I've become a SAHM, in fact it has gotten better. If dh and I divorced, i would expect the same lifestyle for the child we have together. BM should be paying us CS but chooses not to work at times (many times). Once again her choice but if she wants to be a SAHM then she should meet her CS obligations some other way.

What if there is a medical reason for mom being a SAHM? What then? Should she be forced to work? Or what if mom is going back to school to better herself and the child is in daycare while she's at school? Or the SAHM who believes the child should be in daycare to socialize?

I don't believe in living off the government but there are legitimate reasons for someone to not work, BM or SM.
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Annawest
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:46 AM

Also, my court order states that exhusband has to pay 60% of all EC activities and 60% of all uninsured medical bills and carry insurance on DS in addition to what he pays in CS. 

Now, I don't push for all that, because I do feel he pays enough in child support.

Quoting kellynh:

Can you quote a LAW on that?? CS is supposed to support the child in which should be 50% of the child's expenses, though they raise or lower the percentages based on parental income. He pays a larger amount based on a larger salary, not to maintain a lifestyle. Which state are we talking about? I'd love to look it up. 

Quoting Annawest:

Child support is to maintain the same lifestyle the child would have had if both parents were still together.  My ex-husband makes a larger salary than I do.  So he has to pay the difference to maintain that lifestyle for our son.

My son, has the same lifestyle that he had when we were married.  I get well over 600 a month for one child.



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