Hi. I've shared before that I have 3 beautiful SDs (22, 15, and 12). The younger two has a different BM than the oldest and she passed away in October from cancer. From the time of diagnosis until she died was less than four months.
When she passed, she was living with a guy and they were in a temporary housing situation (motel). The SDs have lived with DH since the divorce. After the funeral, her boyfriend was kind in turning over anything that she had to the kids - pictures, momentos, etc. She owned very little - no property, no retirement, no jewelry - and she did not have a will. DH and I went and collected her things and have put her things up for the kids - dishes, etc. We thought when they're older, those things will have more meaning than now. The only thing she did have was a car and her family swooped in and got the car before DH knew what was happening, even though she had told everyone that she wanted the car to go to the 15 y/o. Her family has not called or attempted to communicate with my SDs since their BM's passing.
I'm considering adopting them and DH and SDs are in favor of it. In fact, when DH and I talked to the the 15 y/o said, "I'd love it and I know momma is looking down from heaven smiling." I don't have any kids of my own and love them whith my whole heart. I can't say I love them as my own, but I can say I love them and DH more than I've ever loved anyone. If something were to happen to DH, I just don't want to lose them too or have them taken from their home.
The adoption issue that bothers me - the new birth certificates that they'll have issued. I don't like the idea of their BM being taken off of their birth certificates, like she never existed. Her death has been difficult enough and that just doesn't sit well with me.
We've also discussed my husband leaving the kids in my custody in a will, but it can be challenged and since I'm not biologically related, I don't know that I would win. I honestly just do not trust her family and my SDs now draw a pretty sizeable chunk of money every month from Social Security.
Are their any other options? Any thoughts or comments?