So last week I posted about my DH and custody battle with his mother. I am at the point now that I have removed myself from the situation as I had disengaged since June this year to let my DH and MIL be in complete control of what goes on with SD. Disengaging turned out to be detrimental, SD has issues from not knowing bio mom and being back and forth with her dad andgrandma. Now, up until June, I was the "mother" always making sure everything was taken care of, schoolwork, behavior, activities, etc. Since disengaging I stopped a lot of things and really just do the bare minimum when it comes to SD. SD wants to live with MIL, which is not going to help this at all, it will just bring more distance between everyone. I had to kick MIL out of my house yesterday because she changes my whole demeanor and talks to me crazy. We had a conversation where I told her she is not going to run my household and needs to take steps to have SD in her care if she doesn't like things here. MIL took that as me saying I'm ok wth her raising her. THe lady is a NUT! I'm like, I have done nothing but fight her to back off and let me be a mother to SD.
So I felt the need to write SD a letter, she is 9, she writes all of the time and that is usually her way of expressing herself. THe letter just explained what my role is/was and how her wanting or making the decision to leave the family would not help her when she comes back to visit, but if that will make her happy then I will not be mad and will always love her. The child has not ever had a relationship with her bio mom and I am pretty sure she has a lot going on in her mind. I have suggested therapy for her two years ago and in Sept. I even went as far as looking up counselors for DH and last week, I went as far as finding out the costs of this. He has not made any moves to get her seen to have someone else to talk to besides MIL who I feel brainwashes and orchestrates alot of the mess we are dealing with.
I guess I am just looking for someone out there who is with me on my decision to disengage and to write SD a letter. I feel so bad for the child and my DH. I sometimes don't know if this was really what I was supposed to do with my life. I will be going to talk to a counselor myself because I need some help processing all of this. Any wise words are appreciated, even those Devils Advocate's words will be taken into account.