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what would you do? kinda long piog

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:13 PM
  • 10 Replies


ok so my bf has full custody of his almost 5 yr old dd and during the week she is with us cuz shes in preschool and then his grandparents take her for the weekend.. we've been together for a little over a yr and weve lived together since feb. and my bf works anywhere from 40-53 hrs a week so before we met his grandparents watched his dd for him and they are horrible! they let her talk to them however she wants to, they dont make her eat real food, if she doesnt want to eat they let her fill up on candy, and now on top of all that when shes there they tell her over and over that she doesnt have to listen to me.. i have done nothing but try to be a good partner for my bf and a good mother figure for his dd.. but for some damn reason they dont think thats good enough and tell her that she doesnt have to listen to me and all that crap! my bf says that if she gives me any problems to just set her straight and whatever but i dont think thats fair to me or her! i feel his grandparents need to watch what they say to her or she doesnt need to go over there for awhile.. sorry this is so long i just needed to get it out lol

by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:19 PM

So how does your SO feel about his grandparents watching his daughter?

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:23 PM

I think that that is their grandchild and your BF obviously felt their care was good enough before you came along and therefore you need to butt out of their relationship. They are her family you are just daddy's gf. If she won't listen to you then don't be left alone with her.

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:24 PM

Does BF tell his grandparents to stop telling the child to not listen to you?  Does BF tell his child that she has to listen to you?  The thing is, its not all the grandparent's fault.  Yes, they play a part, but what does your BF do to counter what his grandparents are teaching his 5 year old child?

kary1124
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:34 PM

he has always had issues with how they were with her.. they undermind everything i says so when we get her shes acts out and wont eat dinner... we didnt know about them actually telling her she doesnt have to listen to me til last week and we plan on having a talk with them this weekend.. but no im not just daddy's gf, i have been the closes mother figure she has had in her life and i have been a very stable part of her life for the last year.. she has her moments when she finally understands our rules before going back to the grandparents that she cuddles up with me and tells me she loves me and all that.. i care for this little girl like she is my own child.. i dont treat her any different..

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:46 PM

If your SO has a problem with the way his grandparents are taking care of his kid, then he needs to go out and find some daycare for her so she doesn't have to spend time with them.  Why is she going to them on the weekends?  Is it because he works every weekend?

Quoting kary1124:

he has always had issues with how they were with her.. they undermind everything i says so when we get her shes acts out and wont eat dinner... we didnt know about them actually telling her she doesnt have to listen to me til last week and we plan on having a talk with them this weekend.. but no im not just daddy's gf, i have been the closes mother figure she has had in her life and i have been a very stable part of her life for the last year.. she has her moments when she finally understands our rules before going back to the grandparents that she cuddles up with me and tells me she loves me and all that.. i care for this little girl like she is my own child.. i dont treat her any different..


sassy711
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:32 AM

Your SO needs to handle this issue.  He needs to set the grandparents straight.  He also has to set the boundaries for his daughter and explain to her that HE wants her to listen to you.  SO can also keep his daughter on the weekends.  Why does he allow that to continue if you are willing and able to do for his child and he wants you to.  Maybe SO needs to cut down on the time his daughter spends with the grandparents and take that time back for himself.

LittleMama2012
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:06 AM
Why is she there every weekend? Does he have an issue with them doing this? If so, he needs to put a stop to it. If he doesn't, then he is a big part of the problem because he is condoning what they are doing.
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kary1124
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:58 AM

the only reason she goes over on the weekend is cuz they wanna see her.. i watch her during the week when hes working and he watches my son on the weekends if i have to work.. but yea hes starting to see my point and is keeping her home for awhile cuz she needs to stay and spend more time with us til she understands our rules.. he doesnt get to spend a whole lot of time with her during the week cuz he works so much

TarynKElley
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:13 PM

First, are you watching her during the week while he is at work? If so, then HELL NO would I be ok with letting the grand parents tell that child to not listen to me. If you are watching her, then he obviously felt comfortable with you watching his daughter and that means you are in charge of taking care of her. If something were to happen to her under your care, they would be pissed that you let it happen. See where I am going with this?

Second, if you are NOT watching her during the week and are there with her occasionally, then she at least needs to respect you as her dads GF. That doesnt mean you have to try to "parent" already but she DOES have to listen to you. You are still an adult and she is still a child.

You and your BF need to work together to make y'all's relationship work. Bottom line, his grand parents know better than to act like this and set this kind of example for their grand daughter. 

kary1124
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:47 PM

yea i take care of her all week.. from the moment she wakes up til she goes to bed im with her.. for the last 4 hrs my bfs home but i still do the majority of everything for the kids.. i take her to school, i pick her up, i make the meals, i get them dressed, everything! and dont get me wrong i dont mind doing it, hes working 40-53 hrs a week to keep a roof over our heads so yea ill do what i can to help.. but yea i dont understand where his grandparents are coming up with this crap and why they have something against me cuz i havent been anything but polite to them since i met them... but yea my bfs starting to understand what im seeing and whatnot and is starting to take action toward it, so we'll see where it goes from here!

Quoting TarynKElley:

First, are you watching her during the week while he is at work? If so, then HELL NO would I be ok with letting the grand parents tell that child to not listen to me. If you are watching her, then he obviously felt comfortable with you watching his daughter and that means you are in charge of taking care of her. If something were to happen to her under your care, they would be pissed that you let it happen. See where I am going with this?

Second, if you are NOT watching her during the week and are there with her occasionally, then she at least needs to respect you as her dads GF. That doesnt mean you have to try to "parent" already but she DOES have to listen to you. You are still an adult and she is still a child.

You and your BF need to work together to make y'all's relationship work. Bottom line, his grand parents know better than to act like this and set this kind of example for their grand daughter. 


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