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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Why does everything have to be so extremely all or nothing?!

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 7:50 PM
  • 15 Replies
So lately bm has been calling me a lot. she will talk about stuff with SS and then turn the conversation into other things. she's asked me to watch SS for her a couple times lately as well. I haven't minded too much I am a stay at home mom so Im not normally busy. but earlier she called and asked me to watch SS for her tomorrow so she could donate blood with her "bestie"

I said sure. then she asked what size DD wears because she wants to get her something for Christmas from SS. sweet, but unnecessary.... and she asked if I could use baby food she had left.

then we get off the phone and I have 2 friend requests on fb. one from her and one from her bestie, and she messages me asking me if I wanted to go to lunch with them when they are done.

First, now I feel bad and feel like we are now obligated to get SS's brother and sister at her home gifts from him as well.

second, I love that we have been getting along so well especially since DH is deploying and we will be the ones facilitating DD and SS and my unborn baby's relationship... but its always all or nothing with her. she either hates me or treats me like a close girl friend.

third, I'm nervous to accept her friend request because things HAVE been going so well and she is very impulsive and I don't want there to be drama because of anything fb related.

DH is uncomfortable because every time I give her the benefit of the doubt she pulls something. but I am the kind of person who gives a multitude of chances because I want to believe in the good in people. ugh.
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by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 7:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lnr187
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 7:56 PM
1 mom liked this

 hmm this is tough. i'd be extremely careful. don't spend TOO much time with her or you might say things that she could use against you in some way. as far as fb... i'd try to stear clear if you can. fb reveals a lot of personal info. she might get mad about a picture, or an event, or something that you and ss are doing together, anything like that. sounds a little fishy to me.

CKuse
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 7:59 PM
And that is what has happened before. I just deleted her in June because she got so upset seeing pictures of DD with my sil's and started ranting about how they loved DD more than SS when in reality they just see her more because we are close and have DD all the time.

Quoting lnr187:

 hmm this is tough. i'd be extremely careful. don't spend TOO much time with her or you might say things that she could use against you in some way. as far as fb... i'd try to stear clear if you can. fb reveals a lot of personal info. she might get mad about a picture, or an event, or something that you and ss are doing together, anything like that. sounds a little fishy to me.

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lnr187
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:07 PM

 yikes! i'd ignore the fb request then. and when she gets upset about that, simply remind her that there have been issues in the past, and for the sake of your relationship with her and in the best interest of the child, you'd prefer to keep some things seperate.

Quoting CKuse:

And that is what has happened before. I just deleted her in June because she got so upset seeing pictures of DD with my sil's and started ranting about how they loved DD more than SS when in reality they just see her more because we are close and have DD all the time.

Quoting lnr187:

 hmm this is tough. i'd be extremely careful. don't spend TOO much time with her or you might say things that she could use against you in some way. as far as fb... i'd try to stear clear if you can. fb reveals a lot of personal info. she might get mad about a picture, or an event, or something that you and ss are doing together, anything like that. sounds a little fishy to me.

 

Charli627
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:14 PM
Ignore!
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rebeccasmly
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:16 PM

I would definitely ignore the FB request. There's no point in possibly creating problems that could be prevented.

As for hanging out with her and her friend, I would be leary. Does DH want you to hang out with her? How is his feelings on that? If he doesn't want you to, I wouldn't do it.

CKuse
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:23 PM
DH said a big hell no to that. Lol. He said every time I give in and give her another chance she starts drama. Gossiping about me, accusing DH of trying to sleep with her, and being upset and jealous of my life. She has admitted the jealousy so that's not assumed.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

I would definitely ignore the FB request. There's no point in possibly creating problems that could be prevented.

As for hanging out with her and her friend, I would be leary. Does DH want you to hang out with her? How is his feelings on that? If he doesn't want you to, I wouldn't do it.

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CKuse
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:24 PM
What do you ladies think about the present issue? Would it be shitty of us to not get presents for SS's siblings at her house when she is getting DD a present?
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rebeccasmly
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:33 PM

I would honor his wishes here. Being chummy with BM is not worth possibly causing problems with your husband.

Quoting CKuse:

DH said a big hell no to that. Lol. He said every time I give in and give her another chance she starts drama. Gossiping about me, accusing DH of trying to sleep with her, and being upset and jealous of my life. She has admitted the jealousy so that's not assumed.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

I would definitely ignore the FB request. There's no point in possibly creating problems that could be prevented.

As for hanging out with her and her friend, I would be leary. Does DH want you to hang out with her? How is his feelings on that? If he doesn't want you to, I wouldn't do it.


rebeccasmly
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:35 PM
1 mom liked this

If you don't want to, then don't. You're not obligated to buy them a gift. We buy the SKs half sister a gift but we don't spend much. BM does not buy gifts for the siblings here. We do it because we are able to financially and because the kids have asked us to so they have something to give to her.

Quoting CKuse:

What do you ladies think about the present issue? Would it be shitty of us to not get presents for SS's siblings at her house when she is getting DD a present?


Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:39 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting CKuse:

What do you ladies think about the present issue? Would it be shitty of us to not get presents for SS's siblings at her house when she is getting DD a present?

its nice for her to get something for DD however you're not required to buy for them.....how about if you and ss were to bake up a goodie plate?

BM and her ydd5 does this every year-they whip up a few hundred dozen boxes of cookies and pass them off  to us/DH's parents/sister/my parents etc and for DD and SIL's kids-they get homemade candy

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